


BURN - Reiner x Reader

by Grace_061



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Anime, Annie - Freeform, Armin - Freeform, Dystopia, Eren - Freeform, F/M, Gore, Grief/Mourning, Horror, Idiots in Love, Jealous Jean Kirstein, Jean - Freeform, Levi - Freeform, Love Triangles, Manga, Mikasa - Freeform, Military Training, Reiner - Freeform, Romance, Scary, Ship, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Titans, Violence, aot - Freeform, attackontitan, bertholdt - Freeform, jean/reader - Freeform, reader - Freeform, reiner braun - Freeform, shingekinokyojin, y/n
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 33
Words: 63,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25203454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grace_061/pseuds/Grace_061
Summary: "I'm a warrior. It's what I do." Reiner playfully replied, his smug look evident on his ruggish face. The male leaned back against the tree whilst he crossed his arms, almost certain that he was the better one from the pair. Y/N smirked, suppressing herself from laughing in front of his face. She placed her hands on her hips, sticking her tongue in her cheek as she raised an eyebrow."Uh huh. Okay, 'Mr. Warrior.' Then, I'll be expecting great things from you." She retorted, snickering between the sentences as she edged towards taller and more muscular male."It's on."**CURRENTLY UPDATING!! ((:**
Relationships: Reiner Braun & Reader, Reiner Braun/Reader
Comments: 58
Kudos: 227





	1. The Invasion

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm transferring my work on wattpad here, so i hope that you enjoy this! Please leave any suggestions on what i should write. This is going to be a slow burn romance with a lot of titan slaying and side ships.  
> My wattpad is @Grace_061. I have fandom works about Kim Taehyung and Kpop! I write alot of fanficiton.  
> Anyway, please enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 23/12/20

He flailed his limbs around carelessly as he screamed for his life, his sword shaking in his clutch. His deep blue eyes were wide and brimming with tears as he began to choke on his saliva. The male couldn't hear anything other than his racing heartbeat that was threatening to jump out of his chest while he was slowly brought to the titan's mouth, which was salivating at the sight of the tiny human in its clutch. His shouts and cries of help fell on to deaf ears as large amounts of people were getting devoured one by one. His voice was just one in the choir of painful, agonising screams bellowed from the prey, that was the humans, at the sight of giant beasts wandering around the city aimlessly. 

Streets were painted in blood or vomit whilst corpses that were chewed up, organs and remains of human bodies were scattered around. Debris from the crushed wall had fallen onto homes, squashing the inhabitants or anyone unlucky enough to interfere with its path of destruction. Everyone was running for their lives, dropping all sense of humanity and dignity as they tried to escape the terror of the mindless titans. Herds of people of all backgrounds and ages raced to the river, where boats were waiting for them.

That was the main route out of the city, out of hell, but it had become an obstacle course to try and avoid the man-eating titans lurking within the small city of Shiganshina. Unprepared soldiers desperately tried shoving as many people as they could onto the boat, risking their lives for the city. Crowds formed by the river, people screaming and shouting from terror as they tried to hurry the military, some even trying to jump onto the boat themselves. Soon enough, the boat would leave with its full capacity and head down the river - at the same time, a new empty boat would arrive, and the process began again. Boat by boat, people started to evacuate as they watched their hometown being savaged by their natural enemy. The attack was so sudden that no one knew what to do - most denying the fact that this was happening to them.

Meanwhile, the young soldier pathetically swung his blunt sword at the titan that had a hold on him, but it was to no use. The titan, that was as tall as 8 feet and had the eyes of an innocent deer, grabbed the torso of his prey, before brutally pulling it away from the legs. The soldier was split in half and instantly killed; His crushed, useless organs fell out as blood flew through the sky, splattering the young girl who was watching the young man getting shoved down the back of the titan's throat. His legs were the last thing engulfed. With a swift and obvious gulp, the soldier that was once screaming had been eaten.

Y/N, a small 12-year-old girl, had watched her older brother being torn apart effortlessly by the monster she had only heard tales about. Her brother was apart of the garrison regiment patrolling the walls, before the gate that had separated humans from titans was breached by a 60 meter, skinless, red titan (known famously as the Colossal titan) and soon enough the beasts poured into their home town. She collapsed out of terror next to a boulder that had been smashed in by the colossal titan, her body shaking and her food threatening to resurface. Her heart stammered inside of her chest as her ears began to ring inside her heard. She felt so petrified that she was paralyzed with fear - she couldn't get up off of the floor.

She saw the heads of titans bobbing about the place, their sizes varying, and her ears were full of people screaming as they were chewed on. She didn't know who was getting eaten and all the yells soon blurred together; she couldn't tell what was happening. Y/N didn't know what to do but sit and wait for her inevitable death. The child had no other option. She was too afraid to move. The invasion had happened so suddenly that she couldn't comprehend what was going on, not giving her the chance to think. What she thought would be another tiring day turned out to be hell. 

The small 8m giant that had mercilessly ravaged her brother and shoved his carcass down its throat soon turned it's attention to the little prey before it. It had a grotesque build, with huge brown eyes and a smile that flaunted all its teeth that were capable of chewing down corpses to nothing. Y/N watched in silence as the beast got closer and closer, the ground trembling with it's heavy and slow footsteps thudding on the dirt ground. The child gulped as she clawed at the mud beside her, feeling the coolness of the titan's shadow with every step it took. Anger and immeasurable fear swelled up inside her chest whilst beads of sweat dripped from her forehead. What was a simple tremble turned into an uncontrollable shake of terror as the titan peered over her, directly above the child. For a moment, all was still. All was quiet. The screams of pain and suffering tuned out of the child's mind, as all she focused on was the death that she was staring straight into the eye of. Then the hand came from above.

"You must have some sort of death wish!" A loud voice called out from nowhere. As the giant hand hovered about the child, a rough, scarred touch of warmth yanked her away from the looming shadow of immediate death and dragged her just enough away from the titan to miss her. The dirt scraped her back, ripping some of her blood-stained dress whilst she was dragged across the ground. She watched the dark sky follow her, yet could see nothing else; not even the titan that was previously looming over her. The one-hand quickly turned into two as she was swiftly pulled up from the ground. At first, all she saw were the deserted neighbourhood houses that she had known all her life. Confused, yet still frightened, she turned her head, nervous to see what or who had pulled her out of the dire situation. Unexpectedly, she met eyes with a child similar to her age. His brown eyes stared into Y/N's (E/C) ones and beads of sweat rolled down his thin eyebrows. He had short blond hair that was in an undercut of sorts and was much taller than the girl. His tattered clothing swayed comfortably in the short breeze as a look of horror twisted his face. Wordlessly, he grabbed Y/N's forearm and started to sprint off once again. Y/N was confused at the sudden action as she trailed behind, going as fast as she could to keep up with the boy dragging her along.

"Are you crazy? Why did you let the titan near you?! It's still chasing us!" He shouted, his eyes focused on the empty road ahead of them as the feeling of suspicious churned in his stomach. He had a fairly deep voice, but his words were choked up because he was panting. Y/N's eyes widened, before turning her head over her shoulder. Sure enough, the bastardly titan was still smiling as it stomped over to chase the children. The proximity between them and the enemy encouraged adrenaline to course through her veins and made the girl go slightly faster, now sprinting side to side with the boy. All she heard was the thud of the titan's footsteps and the panting of the boy, her own sharp breathes occasionally added to the sound. The sun's rays didn't help the pair with their sprint as it just added more of a weight.

Eventually, went the kids felt like it was safe enough to slow down after putting as great of a distance as they could between them and the titan, their footsteps gradually slowed to a faint jog, and ultimately, a rest. The boy bent over his knees as soon as they stopped, gasping for air as he was struggling to breathe. Y/N watched him quietly as she leaned back to bask in as much oxygen as she could. Her hands felt clammy and her body was hot. The flaming pain inside her chest didn't help her at all. Once Y/N's quick breathes slowed down, she realised that all was quiet. The screams and yells had become faint, and she could no longer see the top of the titan's head walking around the city. Y/N turned to the boy and somehow hoped that he had noticed the stillness too. She watched his every move as he straightened his back and wiped his face with the back of his arm, physically exhausted. Once the blond boy regained his breath and cracked some of his knuckles, he turned back around to Y/N, a solemn look on his face. 

"Reiner," He suddenly said, looking at the girl with warmth yet hesitance. There was a brief pause before he explained.

"That's my name. Remember it." He sternly said, his voice faint as he was still trying to recover from the recent race. Y/N nodded, unable to respond, though Reiner didn't question it. Instead, he looked around. The children were resting in the middle of some rows of houses, most of them being crushed. Y/N heard Reiner murmur something, though she didn't catch what he said. The boy surveyed the area again, before suddenly and swiftly grabbing Y/N's hand and sprinting down the path, taking advantage of lack of titans. Y/N didn't resist, but tightly held Reiner's hand in response. Ahead of them, Y/N was relieved to see the shimmering of the blue river and the large wooden boats that were able to handle hundreds.

"We can make this," Reiner said, the pair running towards their only hope of survival. He didn't look back at Y/N who was lagging slightly from the fatigue, but instead, straight ahead. To the boats. Y/N just stared at him from behind, amazed as she followed his every move. Clenching his hand tightly, she secretly admired his determination of survival. Some part of her was envious of him. Jealous that he had the inner strength that she greatly lacked. However, she was too busy gazing at the transport than to dwell any further on the thoughts. With all of their mustering will power, the pair finally reached the crowd of civilians begging to be allowed on the wooden structure. They were on the outskirts of the worried people and knew that if they stayed at the back, they would get eaten before long. Reiner looked over his shoulder and held eye contact with Y/N, before squeezing her hand and looking away. Y/N knew what he was saying with that look.

_'We're going to push past.'_

The pair had the advantage of being smaller than the adults, so they were able to squeeze through the cracks of the crowd. Occasionally they were pushed around, but everyone present was too worried for their own safe being that they didn't notice the kids sneaking in. Eventually, with minimal injuries, the kids reached the front of the crowd, their hands never separating once. A panicked soldier quickly and formally guided them onto the boat, and the pair sat down at the back. Reiner's and Y/N's chests were rising and falling quickly, and Y/N's heart was accelerating. They had managed to escape the titans. Y/N turned to Reiner who was heavily breathing and cracked a small smile. Reiner looked taken aback at the sudden smile, but he returned it with ease. 

"Y/N." The girl croaked. Reiner grinned, nodding as he rested his head against the wooden board behind him, looking up at the smoky sky that was set ablaze. Neither of the two released from the other's hold.


	2. Uncertainty

Y/N eventually fell asleep on the boat, the transport rocking ever so slightly with hushed whispers of worried civilians floating in the air. The cool breeze calmed most people down with its presence. It reminded them that they were still alive. Her head gently, yet cautiously, dropped onto Reiner's broad shoulder, the boy still awake and alert; he couldn't afford to fall asleep. His cold eyes glanced at Y/N's sleeping face, studying it for a few moments before frowning with a sigh. The boy softly and carefully let go of Y/N's iron grip as he subtly shuffled away from her. He let the girl's head fall onto his palm, which he then lowered onto the floor and gently placed. Pausing, he looked back at the sleeping girl who was oblivious to what was going on. Reiner quietly stood up with his hands in his ruined pockets.

"Sorry." He mumbled without looking at the girl. Without wasting another moment, he carefully stepped over people who were asleep or wide awake and left Y/N alone.

When Y/N awoke, she sat up immediately with a gasp. The child had a bad nightmare, as the events of her brother's death kept replaying over again, and again, and again. It was practically drilled into her head - the fact that she was useless and could never stand up for herself. The fact that she didn't even try to escape and had just accepted the eventual death. It all circled back to her horror and fear. Y/N blinked a couple of times, before noticing that Reiner wasn't next to her. All that there was, was space where the boy should've been. She quickly began to look around, catching the gazes of melancholy citizens that lived in the same town as her, some that she knew. However, the gazes only increased her panic as worry flamed her chest and questions swarmed her mind. Where was he?

The day was as hot as it was yesterday the day of pure calamity. There were little to no clouds in the sky- only a periwinkle blue that had painted the sky, contrasting to the smoke and dust from yesterday's destruction.

"Reiner?" She called out quietly after gulping a few times and clearing her throat. It was hard to speak after the horror that she experienced first hand. As much as she wanted to yell out and curse the world, she couldn't even string basic words together. Her terror had made sure that she wasn't able to utter anything and that her lips were sealed tightly. The girl stood up shakily, her head peering around. Reiner wasn't near her, and that made her petrified. Despite only meeting the boy a day ago, the 12-year-old had easily become attached to him. He reminded her of her brother, and strangely, he somehow brought comfort. Without him, she felt lost which was why she clung onto him like he was her lifeline. Swiftly, she began the measly search on the boat, stumbling over the surrounding people. She ignored the grunts and hisses that she had received when trying to make her way around the boat.

Everyone was exhausted, both mentally and physically. The catastrophe had weighed down on everyone's mind; most people lost everything. The child was worried that without the boy nearby, she had lost everything too. From her brother to the stranger she had met on death's door. Y/N clumsily made her way around the boat in a desperate attempt to find him as she began to grow frantic with every passing second. Gradually, after wasted minutes, the inevitable realization finally hit Y/N. Reiner was gone. He left her. The bare fact made her knees tremble, threatening to collapse any second as she began to tear up. The looming feeling of abandonment and loneliness crawled up her spine. Her breathing was heavy as she was alone. Alone with strangers, alone in the world, and that she was abandoned by someone who she instantly looked up to. Swiftly, she grabbed onto the back of someone's clothes in support, not caring for the other as she clutched the green, soft texture in her scarred hand. Her eyes that were steadied on the floor looked up at the stranger she had rudely hung onto. It was another child, who looked perplexed at her sudden contact. 

She immediately let go upon eye contact, murmuring an apology whilst trying to occupy her hands. The boy, who had blond hair in the shape of a bowl and bright blue eyes, just gave Y/N a small, reassuring smile. Y/N faltered slightly, before realising the reason that the boy smiled at her. She was pitiful. Her haggard looks, blood-stained clothes, the colour drained from her skin. Y/N paused, noticing what she had become. Someone pathetic. A burden. Her search for Reiner clicked into place as she realised that she needed him for support. She depended on the boy when she had only met him hours previously. Anger that was buried deep inside of her bubbled a storm. She tsked at the boy before walking back to her spot at the back of the boat, rage rowing inside of the girl for multiple reasons. Y/N didn't want to be someone so feeble that she was looked down upon, nor did she want something to depend on. Her brain was so muddled up after the death of her brother that she had just projected him onto Reiner unfairly, and without seeing the other beside her, she felt frightened. Upon realisation and self-reflection, she knew that she had to change if she wanted to survive, and relying on others wouldn't guarantee her safety. Once she arrived back at her spot, she slowly sat down, bringing her knees to her chest and hugging them as she stared ahead of her.

'No more grieving. No more weakness. We'll get rid of those titans, one at a time, and become the strongest human alive.' She repeated in her head. Little by little, she gained confidence within herself, and the dependence on Reiner which she so deeply had, slowly washed away. Y/N was becoming mentally stronger and slowly building up walls around her heart and brain. She couldn't afford to get close to too many people, otherwise, she would have to do that all over again. Y/N figured that without having people around, there would be no more pain and suffering and that she would be able to take out all of her anger on the titans. Gradually, the mindset had affected her thinking as she slowly became stoic. 

After an hour or so, the boat harshly and suddenly rocked. Y/N looked up and felt the transport come to a stop. They had docked. Y/N was one of the first people to stand up as she swiftly jumped up, eager to see where they had arrived, though it didn't look any better than where they had just escaped. Y/N pushed past the crowd slowly getting off the boat, her eyebrows creased in worry as she weaved through people of all ages. She walked down the wooden plank thick enough to handle three people horizontally. Immediately, she saw citizens watch as the new transfers leave the boat. Looks of fear, curiosity and pity stared down the traumatised persons. Murmurs and whispers flooded the air, the judgement being obvious. Despite being a child, it was easy to pick up the sense of inferiority around her as she made foot onto the stone floor. Eyes were trained on the group, the feeling of hostility weighed down on the girl as people residing in Trost district stared at the newcoming civilians. The new place that they had docked at was slightly similar to the little town of Shiganshina, though instead of dirt roads, stone had replaced the resource. Members of the military police were armed, and hurried the immigrants to the town square, a look of disgust on their face as they pointed their unloaded guns at the scared individuals that were leaving the ship.

Y/N simply followed the crowd, deciding to follow the rules and current of people. It was clear that where she had arrived was a tense environment and didn't warmly welcome people. The 12-year-old was trapped between tall adults that kept their gazes to the front, a look of emptiness on their faces. Y/N settled to do the same and created a stone-cold gaze on her face, unsure about what was happening at the town square. Residents of Trost district whispered and gossiped about the recent invasion of titans and the homeless humans that were the result of it. Y/N knew that they were being mocked, looked down upon as some people had the look of loathing. As much as Y/N wanted to scream and shout about the dread of what had happened to her home town, she stayed silent and abided the invisible rules. She couldn't risk biting the hand that was hopefully going to feed her. Soon, the swarm of new people had arrived at the centre of Trost. People bustled everywhere as residents had queued up at a little market, selling rations and other pieces. Through the gaps of some individuals, Y/N was able to see what was going on. Flashes of the green horse appeared, handing out rations of bread to the immigrants bit by bit. With ease, she was able to piece together the parts of the puzzle - a food shortage, and a hard one too. 

'No wonder they're so mad at us.' She thought. Previously, the citizens of the town had already been going through the waves of starvation and desperation for food, and so with more mouths to feed, who wouldn't get worked up? 

"Here little girl." A gruff voice came from the side of her. Y/N jolted in surprise, turning her head to the right. There, crouched a member of the military police, holding out a piece of bread for the girl to take. He had a sympathetic smile on his face, and tired, soft eyes. The food shorage had taken a toll over the members of the Military police, and so they had been overworked to the point of exhaustion. Though it didn't make up for the glares that the group of new people had received. Y/N's eyes temporarily looked around and saw adults grumbling out of hunger and jealous that she was fed before them. A wave of superiority rushed over the child, as she figured that she could use her age as a way to get around. Y/N looked back at the man, a smile of gratitude on her face as she wiped her eyes and grabbed the piece of bread.

"Thank you." She whispered in a small voice. As much as she would like to talk, her throat still wanted to remain quiet and all she could get out was something hoarse. The military policeman nodded as he stood up. He turned around before tapping Y/N's shoulder gently, like she was a piece of porcelain, ready to break.

"Stay safe, kid." He said in a gentle tone, before walking away, the sounds of heels making contact with the stone floor fading away. Y/N ignored the stares of her neighbours around her as she delightfully tucked into the piece of bread she was given. Though it wasn't the nicest and was hard to digest, she was still grateful that she was fed at all. Whilst chewing, Y/N decided to leave the crowd of persons, not needing a reason to stay there any more as she was pitifully fed. Once she swallowed the final piece of bread, for the first time, Y/N felt full. 

She wandered around the square, making sure that she was in the eyes of the roaming military police. Y/N had to make sure that she was following the rules and to not do anything risky that may get her into trouble.; she couldn't afford to lose the measly amount she was given of shelter and food. There wasn't much to see, other than groups of people, crates of boxes, food getting passed around and the occasional fight breaking out, so she cut her sightseeing trip short and walked over to a shaded area that was mostly empty. The girl needed some time alone, to process what was happening and to try and think. As she sat down and leaned against the stone-cold wall, thoughts of Reiner flooded her mind. Her heart pained slightly, so she tried to get him out of her head, yet it was hard. No matter how independent she wanted to be, Reiner would still come to her mind. 

'I hope he's okay.' She thought, sighing at her childish wishes.

As Y/N stared at her feet, shouts echoed the hallway, ringing her ears. Her eyes trailed to her right side, looking at the three kids that were the source of her headache. She huffed and was about to look away until she saw the blond boy that she met on the boat with them. Curiosity overtook her, so she continued to watch the tense fight. 

"...I'm not a child Mikasa! I don't need you feeding me!" A brown-haired boy shouted at the girl standing in front of him, looking emotionless. Y/N only saw the back of the boy, but already guessed that he had a short temper, judging by the way he was shouting and how he looked ready to attack someone. She was surprised that the taller girl with long black hair didn't snap at the kid - she would if she was in that situation. The blond boy just stood awkwardly behind the pair, watching them argue as he didn't intervene. It looked like he was quite timid, and not as confident as the others. Watching him felt like Y/N was watching herself when she encountered that titan. The girl shook her head, not wanting to remember that right now. She made a promise to herself that she was going to change, for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 24/12/20


	3. Cadet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 26/12/2020
> 
> \-- I changed some of Reiner slightly - i got the old copy saved, so i can always edit it if you guys are unhappy with how he's written.

_Three-year **time skip** _

Living in Trost was hard for Y/N. She was forced to keep her short temper (which she only found out about when she was arguing with Eren about how realistic his dream was, to kill all the titans) from blowing up every day. And with that, she developed a bad attitude when talking to strangers. Y/N became slightly colder to the world as she aged and slowly became unapproachable and bitter. The girl's personality expanded in the three years of bliss and slight comfort, and so did her mindset. She prioritised herself, others, second.

She was able to talk normally again after some time, with the help of Eren and Armin. Mikasa herself didn't talk much unless it was about matters involving or about Eren. She made friends after mustering up the courage to break up the argument between Mikasa and Eren; the first time she saw them in the Trost square after leaving Shiganshina and the painful memories behind. It was hard to talk to the others, though she eventually warmed up to them with Armin's persistence to become friends. Those were the only people she bothered to talk to. The girl didn't like to socialize with people who she didn't know as she refused to get any closer to people. After swearing to change, she didn't allow herself to open up with any other people - it wasn't like she could, anyway. There were few people of her age and so she just stuck by the three. In her eyes, people weren't necessary for survival. But she was still holding on. For Him.

Despite parting with her 3 years ago on the evacuation boat, Y/N couldn't help but worry for Reiner, and sometimes dreamed of him returning, though she knew it was hopeless. After endless tries of getting rid of the 'big brother complexion, she still found that he was someone who he looked up to and couldn't get out of her head. Her hope of reuniting with her saviour became slim, and Y/N knew it, and so she forced it down her stomach. The girl didn't even mention it to her closest friends - it was a matter that was too personal to her. Later in the years, Eren managed to convince Y/N to join the cadets, though that was the plan for her anyway. Despite wanting to continue living the life that she was given, she wanted to walk in her brother's steps as he wasn't with her anymore. She clung onto any form of memory of her sibling, which soon became a bad habit that worried the trio, though they had never managed to speak about it openly. Once the time came, the four friends immediately enrolled in the Cadets, each for their own reason. Armin wanted to see the sea, Eren wanted to exterminate the titans, Mikasa wanted to protect Eren from danger, and Y/N wanted to become part of the Garrison Regiment, the regiment which protected the walls. Signing up was easy, as the soldiers were searching for as many people as possible, and on impulse, Y/N wrote down her name immediately.

On a warm summer day, the four of them had sent off to the training grounds, each of them in their own separate wagon/ The sounds of horses tottering and wooden wheels turning fulled the silence inside of the wagon. Y/N was seated on a cramped bench that held 4 people on a row, most of them being slightly older than her. The brown leather from the new uniform that she was given stuck to her as humidity washed over her. Sweat rushed down as the heat washed over her, and the proximity between her and the new soldiers didn't help either. With the wagon shaking as they went over rough cobble whilst descending the hills, the sunlight poured through the overhead shade of the thin cloth over the people. There was a gap at the back of the wagon which Y/N occasionally looked out of, from boredom or curiosity. As the training grounds soon came into sight, the first thing the girl spotted were rows of metal poles that had, what she recognized as ODM gear hanging from them. A faint smile broke out on the girl's face, as she remembered the first time her brother showed her the gear. Her eyes snapped to the barracks, which weren't too far from the training grounds. There was a long, wooden building which was the hall and two smaller huts next to it, which were where the trainees were supposed to sleep in. As the wagon got closer to the grounds, she saw the other cadets already lining up in several rows. They had arrived earlier, so they were already ready and lined up for the introduction.

Once the wagon halted, everyone got out, Y/N being the first. The sun blazed upon the recruit, her eyes squinting slightly due to the sudden sunlight as she walked towards the rows of cadets, guessing that that was where she was supposed to go. She trailed behind Armin who lingered around for her and made small conversation with the blond until they neared the crowd, where her voice slowly trailed off. In front of the rows of cadets was Commander Keith Shadis, who was interrogating the newbies. He was a bald man that had heavy eyebags and was notorious around the local areas for his loud voice and harsh punishments. If there was anyone Y/N was going to listen to, it would be him.

Y/N stood next to one of the taller cadets and quickly saluted. Her feet were distanced and her right hand was firmly laced over her heart, the left at her lower back as she tried to look as serious as possible. However, the looming presence of the cadet beside her swirled up the temptation inside of her, which made her look up at him. Scanning the male soldier, she was able to quickly break him down piece by piece - a skill that she had learnt from being cautious of others. He looked timid and had broad shoulders, with delicate features such as a soft jawline. His black hair gave him an 'M' shaped sort of fringe and he had a hooked nose with grey eyes. Despite his towering height, he was one of the least threatening cadets out of the range, judging by the demeanour. With her quick eye, she had deduced that he wasn't going to be someone to have to worry about, which put the girl at some sort of ease. She looked back at the front and followed what everyone else was doing. The uniform was now sticking to her, with the leather straps curling around her thighs cutting the fat slightly. 'I hope I'm not here for too long.' Y/N thought, frowning.

There was a brief pause before Y/N winced at the shouts of the Commander. She tensed her face at the sudden noise, not expecting the lectures and punishments to be so soon.

"...YOU TITAN FODDER. YOUR HEART IS ON THE RIGHT SIDE. HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO SLAY TITANS IF YOU CAN'T LOCATE SUCH A SIMPLE ORGAN? YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP AND WORK ON THE FIELDS, YOU PATHETIC RUNT!" Keith boomed. Y/N imagined all the spit that would be flying out of his mouth until she cringed. The cadet didn't know where he was, nor who he was lecturing, but Y/N figured that he was relatively near her. She just hoped that she would be one of the lucky ones that were skipped.

After a few moments, the sounds of boots clacking became louder as the Commander walked over towards Y/N. Y/N was in truth, scared of the intimidating man, but still held her composure when he walked in her direction. Luckily, she wasn't the one shouted at, as the commander stopped a few people away from her. Though he was too close for her liking, she sighed in relief. The unlucky soldier was the boy next to the guy she was standing next to and Keith was swift with the questions.

"WHAT'S YOUR NAME, RAT?" He yelled. Y/N wondered how his throat handles all his shouting.

"REINER BRAUN, SIR." The cadet said in a loud voice that hinted at being confident with his replies. Y/N froze at the name, furrowing her eyebrows as her mind was put at work.

'Reiner? As in Reiner from 3 years ago? No. That would be impossible...' She thought, her breath hitching whilst her eyes widened out of shock, excitement and other emotions swirling around inside of her. Her heart played with the thought of seeing him again but her mind was telling her otherwise - it would be too much of a coincidence. Y/N decided to break her stance and peered forward, looking past the confused male next to her. The girl didn't care about getting caught - her questions needed answers and now, as all rationality left. She stared at the blond male with short hair and defining features. He had a rough face that was like stone and was very muscular for his age. The male felt her curious gaze, as his eyes flickered to Y/N's (E/C) ones. It was at that moment that Y/N received confirmation that he was the boy from 3 years ago. Despite saving her, he didn't show any sort of reaction as he faced Keith again. The girl temporarily forgot about the intimidating adult a few feet away from her. Y/N felt her heart plummet in disappointment, the feeling of bitterness rising to her mouth. She straightened her back, back into her stance, though she wasn't quick enough to be let off the hook.

The girl caught the eye of the commander, who was beyond angry at the quiet interaction. He took a couple of steps forward, his hands behind his back as his dark green trench coat threatened to touch the dirt on the floor. The male wore a serious look on his face, and up close, Y/N realized how old he looked. He had thin eyebrows, multiple forehead wrinkles from stress, panda eyes and a goatee. He looked like he had been put through hell and back. The male was towering over the girl, his mere shadow making Y/N's breaths shake. Y/N didn't dare look into the Commander's eyes - she was afraid of what she might see in the reflection.

"What's your name?" He said in a low, rough tone. The fact that he wasn't shouting made Y/N's hands tremble. That was scarier than any other titan. Y/N gulped before regaining her quavering composure and answered his question.

"Y/N S/N SIR!" She said in the boldest voice she could muster. Y/N stared at his badge on the Commander's trench coat. It was a silver, small lapin with the wings of freedom in the middle. That was the regiment that sacrificed themselves on the front lines and tries to regain land again from titan territory, though most townspeople felt that they were ridiculous. Most people didn't believe that there was anything beyond the walls that they were trapped in, and so gave up on the thought. They turned their disappointment on the scouts who risked their lives for something unimaginable. Sometimes, Y/N used to imagine herself venturing into the open and see what was outside. What was so important that thousands of lives are gambled on. However, after almost being eaten by a titan twice, she stopped dreaming about it.

There was a brief amount of silence, before Y/N saw the commander turn on his heels and carried on down the row, not asking any further questions. Even though she was confused as to why the Commander had only asked her that, Y/N almost collapsed as she gasped out of relief when the commander was out of earshot. She was tempted to try and get Reiner's attention, but the thought of having to go through that again stopped her from doing so. After a few more hours of standing as stiff as a board and watching the sky turn into a pale orange, the cadets were soon dismissed to Y/N's relief. Her feet felt like they were about to crumble at a moment's notice.

As people began to break from the formal structure of lines, Y/N immediately rushed over to the male who had his back to her and was casually strolling to the hall for food. When Y/N caught up to the male, she tugged the small, brown leather jacket that had swords on the back, stopping the male from taking another step. She hesitated, before breaking the silence between them.

"Reiner?" Was all she managed to say. She felt pathetic again like she was 12 years old. The girl felt disappointed with herself, that that was the first thing she said after finally seeing him again. Reiner looked over his shoulder, and at the girl staring at the ground, her hand trembling slightly as she gritted her teeth. After years of shoving down the thoughts of Reiner, they threatened to resurface and spill. All the confidence and walls she built up to protect herself from the last 3 years crumbled with the sight of the male. Reiner looked down at her, unsure on what to say. He wasn't the best at comforting people - especially ones that he barely remembered.

"What are you doing here?" Reiner asked, gently getting Y/N's wrist and taking it off his uniform, then dropped it. He was concerned as to why someone like her would join the dangerous ranks of the regiment; the last time he checked, she was frail and delicate. The girl couldn't even speak, yet here she was. He hadn't expected to see her again, and like this nevertheless. In his mind, he suspected that she would live a quiet life after what had happened with the attack. Y/N stared at the ground, before looking up at the tall male, angry. Opening her mouth, and then closing it again, she finally snapped after seeing his unbothered face staring down at her. It was like he was mocking her for caring about him. The fact that he asked why she was here pissed her off even more.

"You asshole. What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here? You're supposed to be dead. You're supposed to be out of my life, yet here you are, playing the role of a soldier." She whispered through gritted teeth, laughing angrily at the chances of seeing him here. In all truth, she couldn't be happier to see him fine and healthy - though that's what pissed her off. As the male looked confused at her little remarks, Y/N whipped her foot around and kicked the male's leg as hard as she could. Reiner yelped in pain as the shock went through his calf, biting his lip in pain.

"You better not come near me. You gave that up when you left me stranded." She growled in a low voice, spitting in front of the male who was rubbing his calf. A wave of satisfaction washed over her as she watched the frown tug his lips. Without lingering any longer, she left him alone on the training grounds, the breeze slowly starting as night fell. Her footsteps trailed off to the mess hall where dinner was supposedly served, and without looking back, she opened the double doors and entered, the smell of cooked potatoes and some sort of oats flooding her nostrils. She immediately spotted the small canteen where meals were left for the taking and made her way over. Weaving around the soldiers that were scattered apart at the rows of wooden benches, all talking amongst themselves, she grabbed a plate full of food and paused.

Holding her meal with two hands, she looked around the hall. It was packed, to say the least. The voices of all pitches confused her as she couldn't find anyone of familiarity. However, she spotted the lean boy that she stood beside for a couple of hours at the end of the row with ease. He was hard to miss with his slouched back and black hair. Sighing, she walked over to the end of the row, where the male sat alone. As she gently placed her tray beside the male, he instantly noticed her presence, looking back at her with perplexion. His plastic spoon that held the mush that was 'dinner' hovered over his tray as he watched the girl sit down.

"Sorry, you don't mind do you?" Y/N asked as she sat down beside him, shyly looking at him. The stranger quickly shook his head.

"Of course not. It was getting a bit awkward anyway." The boy said, politely smiling at the cadet next to him. Y/N gave him the same smile back as she picked up her spoon. Though, the male didn't resume his own meal.

"Ah, I'm Bertholdt, by the way." He introduced himself, dropping his spoon on the edge of the tray and into his food as he outstretched his hand. Y/N was slightly taken aback at the start of the conversation, yet she didn't necessarily reject it. Her eyes glanced from his eyes to his hand, which she found was large.

"Y/N. Nice meeting you, Bertholdt." Y/N grinned as she played the role of being friendly, raising her hand and meeting Bertholdt's. They shook hands, his cold touch almost freezing Y/N as he gave her a brief squeeze. 'He's friendly,' she thought as she released Bertholdt's grip, turning back to her food. Upon picking her utensils up, she felt someone's gaze heating the back of her neck. It was like they were drilling holes into her as they stared for too long, to the point where she felt uncomfortable. Chewing the inside of her cheek, Y/N raised her head and looked up, slightly annoyed. However, she immediately made eye contact with the boy she had left outside, staring right at her from the opposite side of the bench, his tray right in front of him. Y/N quietly gasped, surprised to see him directly on the other side of her. He opened his mouth to speak, but luckily, Bertholdt unknowingly cut the male off.

"Oh, Y/N, have you met Reiner? He's a good friend of mine." He gestured over to the blond boy that subtly rolled his eyes at his friend's obliviousness. Y/N looked from Reiner to Bertholdt and pursed her lips before cracking them into a smile.

"No, I haven't yet," She shook her head and looked back at Reiner, who furrowed his eyebrows at her answer. Y/N stood up and reached over the table, holding her hand out for him to take.

"I'm Y/N." The cadet introduced herself. She didn't want to drag Bertholdt into her personal affairs - he seemed like a sweet guy and a potential friend, so she just played dumb. Reiner stared at her in shock, before he exhaled through his nostrils and did the same. He clasped Y/N's hand as he stood up.

"Pleasure meeting you." He replied in his low voice. Whilst he was talking, Y/N made a mental note of Reiner's warmth as he squeezed her hand a little too hard. Y/N let go first, yet remained stood up. She glanced from Reiner to her food and realised that she lost her appetite. Grabbing her untouched tray, she looked back at Bertholdt who seemed confused at her sudden departure.

"Well, I'm looking forward to getting to know you, Bertholdt." She gently said, before stepping over the wooden seat and walking away from the bench. The two males watched her leave, before quietly turning back to their own dinner. Y/N dumped her food onto a random table, not really caring for where it ends up, before walking down the aisle of the hall and opening the double doors. The wind rushed against her, cooling her off from the heat from earlier. Closing the doors behind her, she strolled out of the hall and to the dormitories. Her path was dimly lit by the flickering lanterns hung up on a nail, guiding her way through the night. She glanced up at the cloudless sky and spotted a couple of scattered stars. Y/N smiled to herself, before turning back to the front and picking up her pace slightly. As soon as she reached the last lantern, she saw a single door beside it and immediately opened it without any second thoughts. The room was empty, with two bunk beds and a single bed crammed into it. It was lit by a candle on the wooden bedside that was about to burn itself out, and Y/N saw no sign of any belongings nor her roommates, so she wordlessly claimed the single bed that was arranged by the small window. There, she stripped down and changed into her pyjamas, shoving her uniform under her bed. She had already hated the apparel and didn't want to see it for the rest of the night. Climbing into bed, she pulled the single, thin sheet over her and stared at the low ceiling above, regretting everything. 'Was this what he went through?' Y/N started to question what her brother was forced to do, yet her determination didn't waver despite her feelings. Y/N clung onto her sheet and rolled to her side to find some sort of comfortable position to lay in when she heard the door slide open. Her ears perked at the sound of various noises, and so she turned back to the door.

4 other girls came walking in, all looking tired. She recognised all of them from the afternoon; Mikasa, Ymir, Christa and Sasha. For her first impressions and reading of them, they all varied in personality. Ymir was a lanky, snarky teenager that had some sort of fox face. Glued to Christa, she was also quite clever. Christa was the total opposite of Ymir. She was kind, selfless, and got on with everyone - she saw that when she was talking among a big group, all immersed with Christa's words. Her long blonde hair and large blue eyes made her seem like some sort of goddess and even made a lasting impression on Y/N. Right from the bat, people around them were suspicious of their close relationship with one another and how they interact with each other. It was an unlikely friendship, to say the least, though no one openly questioned it. Sasha, on the other hand, had not much to note for unless you count being a food junkie for one. As soon as she offered the stolen potato she swiped from the kitchen to the commander himself, Y/N made a note to stay away from the clueless girl.


	4. Under The Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 27/12/20
> 
> \-- I took away the kiss - it didn't feel appropriate and this is meant to be a slow burn lol. i hope the peck made up for it !

After a restless night of tossing and turning, Y/N woke up with little hours of sleep. A killer headache pounded at her forehead as she slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes with a yawn. With a tiny stretch, the girl groaned as she reluctantly swung off the dusty, thin cover off of her and swung her legs over her bed. She was reluctant to leave the bed as she didn't want to face the challenges facing her. Y/N frowned as she felt mentally and physically exhausted - the pain in her forehead not helping her one bit. As she rubbed her forehead gently, she looked around the room. She didn't really introduce herself to her new dorm mates as everyone immediately went to bed. Not that she was complaining. Sasha, a red-haired girl, caught her eye. She laid asleep in the bottom bunk of the set of beds adjacent her, but she looked visibly distressed. Her teeth were gritted as she clashed them together, occasionally mumbling incoherent things as she rolled over. The sleeping girl seemed antsy and Y/N immediately knew what she was going through.

'It seems like she's having a nightmare.' Y/N thought, feeling somewhat empathetic for the foodie as she stood up, rolling her shoulders and trying to get the blood coursing through her body again.

Y/N's eyes darted from person to person as she observed them individually. Mikasa, who claimed the bed above Sasha, was already up and out of the dorm. Her rectangular bed was neatly made and her pyjamas were folded in a small pile at the foot of the bed. Y/N cracked a small smile, glad that the quiet Mikasa hadn't changed much during the past three years she had spent with her. Next, Y/N caught sight of Ymir sleeping at the top bunk in front of her. Her arm dangled off of her bed as she quietly snored with her mouth wide open. Her brown hair that was pulled in a short ponytail messily covered her face as it looked like the mane of a lion. Below Ymir was Christa, who seemed peacefully asleep. Her back was facing against Y/N, so the latter had no idea what she looked like vulnerable, though she didn't really care. After scanning the room, taking anything else of note, Y/N started to get dressed. She crouched down to the floor and peered under her bed. With ease she managed to tug her uniform from the shade and threw it on top of her bed, standing up straight. Glancing at the pile of clothes, Y/N sighed before reluctantly putting them on. It took about 10 minutes to feel satisfied in them, and once she felt ready, she swiftly threw her cover to the corner of the bed and placed her pyjamas in a pile at the foot of it. Rubbing her eyes once again, she walked to the door the sound of her heels clanking on the wooden planks echoing. Silently, she left the dorm to the sounds of teeth clashing together and snoring. 

The sky was a light blue, with hints of orange pouring in. Y/N automatically woke up in the early morning, so there was bitter weather, which was unusual for a summer day. She crossed her arms and slightly hunched her back to try and warm herself as she made her way to the hall for breakfast, her breath faintly visible. The cadets were able to wake up at any time, as long as they were on time for training which started at 7. Y/N knew that she was going to be an early riser with her difficulty sleeping - she just hoped that it wouldn't affect her performance. Waking up early gave Y/N the chance to have a peaceful morning because everyone else would be sleeping. Once arriving at the all too familiar double doors, she opened them and quietly walked in. Only a few people were present, and they dotted themselves around the room, eating their breakfast for the day. Feeling relaxed, Y/N grabbed her food from the back of the hall, which was a bowl of soup, and walked down the path between the long tables. She wasn't really fussy on where she sat.

After a few seconds of wandering around, she sat next to someone quietly eating their food. He had a long face with a sharp jawline and had a brown undercut. His brown eyes focused on his meal, not noticing the girl beside him. Y/N didn't really bother introducing herself, as she was only there to eat. The male finally glanced at Y/N after taking a mouthful of his soup, hearing her bowl clank onto the table. He gulped down his mouthful of bread and watched Y/N pick up her spoon.

"Hey there. I'm Jean." He introduced himself. The male stretched his hand for a handshake. Y/N looked at the male and nodded, slapping his free hand for a high five in a friendly manner. She couldn't afford to make too many enemies, but she was getting tired of introducing herself to all the people she sat beside. There was only so much social interaction she could take.

"I'm Y/N." She simply stated. The girl didn't intend to be there for conversation, but she didn't mind him after a while. He was someone who took her mind off of things. The two eventually began to talk, Jean initiating it and making sure that it was flowing the way he wanted to. It was difficult for him at first, because all Y/N gave was short replies, though he still managed to respond to them. The longer the conversation lasted, the more Y/N grew to the boy. Turns out that Jean was unintentionally funny and made Y/N laugh a couple of times and Jean bashful. Y/N barely touched her soup because she was too focused on listening to Jean and joking around with him. They had more in common than she thought. Soon enough, the two had become good friends after one single conversation, which surprised Y/N herself as she usually was anti-social to strangers. Because of the male, the girl was in high spirits, and ready for the vigorous training that was soon to dawn. He left the cadet grinning from ear to ear.

However, her mood swiftly dampened when a bowl was placed next to her. She paused mid-sentence during a story she was telling, and curiously looked over her shoulder to see a nonchalant Reiner already sitting next to her. Bertholdt sat next to Reiner as he gave a warm wave to Y/N, who gently waved back. However, Y/N's face turned sour at the sight of the other - she specifically told him to stay away for she was scared that she would just idolise him more than she already has. He was able to single handly break down all of her confidence and the walls surrounding her heart, which was too dangerous for her. After a moment, the girl turned back to Jean and continued her story. She refused to acknowledge the friend next to her.

"So as I was saying-" She began until she was rudely cut off by the male she despised, who was actively trying to cut their conversation short. 

"Y/N, we need to talk." He said in a low voice as he played with his soup, stirring it with his spoon as he appeared busy. He stared holes at the back of Y/N's head, trying to grab her attention to him. Y/N was about to say something in response, peeved off with the interruption, but her newly-formed friend Jean stepped in.

"Hold it there buddy. Can't you see that we're talking? You can talk to her when she's free because currently, she's not." Jean said in a passive-aggressive manner. The male was very animated with his facial expressions, raising his eyebrows, furrowing them, smiling, and he occasionally used his hands to make a point. After a few moments, Y/N snorted whilst trying not to laugh. The girl immediately covered her mouth, laughing even more as Jean just started to chuckle at her, after another brief second of silence. The pair had temporarily forgotten that Reiner was even there as they descended into their laughs. Though, the male wasn't amused at the sight. His cold eyes watched the two joke around and he decided that he had had enough.

The serious teenager stood up abruptly and looked at Y/N. Wordlessly, he grabbed her arm, forcing her to stand up as she was dragged away. Y/N yelped at the sudden force yanking her away from Jean. Immediately, she clawed at his hand but to no avail. She resisted as best as she could, trying to break free, but the male's strength greatly overpowered her. Instead, she cursed him out as she strung paragraphs with insults, still trying to grab his hand off of her forearm. Her feet started to skid over the wooden floor, which angered Y/N greatly. Her countenance flushed red as her heart stammered out of her chest, rage swirling inside of her. Both Jean and Bertholdht watched as Reiner single-handedly dragged Y/N out of the mess hall and outside, the sky lighter than earlier. Jean called out for her but didn't intervene. He got the message that this was an issue for the two of them to resolve, but that didn't stop him from standing up in response. Bertholdt just stared at the door that slammed shut, a frown soon forming on his lips.

Meanwhile, Reiner strengthened his grip on Y/N's arm as he pulled her outside of the hall, the cold air shocking Y/N momentarily. The sky went to a periwinkle blue, though the sun wasn't up just yet. Birds flew overhead and weaved around the dark clouds, temporarily distracting herself from the current situation, before she remembered where she was and who she was with.

"Where are you taking me, you bastard!-" She insulted before she was harshly and quickly pinned to the wall that Reiner threw her onto. He managed to take her to the outer mess hall, where the area was slightly shaded and desolate. Perfect for the male. He had both hands on either side of her, limiting her personal space. Y/N gulped at the proximity of the pair, their bodies practically touching. She gritted her teeth, raging that she was taken here against her own free will. Her hands curled into fists down by her waist, ready for whatever was about to come. Reiner closed in, staring Y/N down like she was a piece of meat.

"What, the actual fuck, are you-?!" She was about to say, before Reiner swiftly covered her mouth with his large, calloused hand, looking to the side abruptly at the sudden noise that came from around the corner. Y/N's voice was muffled as she started to curse him, hating the feeling of being trapped. Though she struggled against Reiner's grip, she heard the footsteps treading nearby. She immediately quieted down, her eyes glancing down at the end of the wall where she couldn't see anything past it. 

The pair paused as they waited for the footsteps to cease, which they finally did. They only relaxed when they heard the sliding and closing of the doors to the mess hall. That was when Y/N glared back at Reiner, who sighed in relief and let go off of her mouth. If anyone had caught them, then it would've been hard to explain.

"Finally. Look, I just wanted to talk to you in peace. Is that too much to ask?" He said in a tone of exasperation, staring into Y/N's eyes. Y/N rolled her eyes as Reiner pulled away from her, shoving his hands in his pockets. He straightened his back as he watched Y/N like a hawk, yet put space between the two. Y/N crossed her arms, sulking like a child as she had a lot to say.

"We have nothing to talk about." She hissed in an angry tone, not breaking eye contact once. She refused to speak to him - she told him that last night, yet here he was. The male ran his fingers through his hair, a sigh leaving his lips.

"Come on Y/N. Don't be like that. We have a shit ton to talk about. I need to clear the obvious misund-" He started, until Y/N cut him off, raising her palm above her face in refusal.

"No, we don't, Reiner. I told you to leave me alone. Why can't you- " She said in a quiet voice her eyes dropping to the floor briefly before she was interrupted again. The two cut one another off so easily that it was hard for them to have a decent conversation. 

"Please." He almost begged. Y/N's eyes snapped back to Reiner's desperate ones. She paused for a heartbeat, before fighting herself. Her mind, which wanted to put as much distance between herself and him as possible, wanted to tell him no. However, her heart, which still had a soft spot for the boy that had saved her three years ago, weakened at his vulnerability. Y/N bit her lip before sighing.

"Fine. You don't have much time, though." She murmured, feeling like she might've chosen wrongly. Relief instantly washed over Reiner as he weakly smiled, glad that he was going to be heard out. He took a step and placed a soft, gentle kiss on her cheek out of gratitude. His lips lingered for longer than he had hoped for, and so he quickly took a step back, making himself flustered. Though, he hid it well. Y/N, however, wasn't handling the simple gesture as easily as she wanted to. Her eyes widened, processing what had just happened. She was grateful that the sky wasn't bright yet, as it concealed her light blush as she cleared her throat.

"Thank you." 


	5. The Boulder of Stress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 27/12/20
> 
> \-- yesss, some development. again, I've changed some of the character. if there's anything that you guys dislike, please, let me know!

Though the girl didn't necessarily want to hear what Reiner had needed to say, she still listened. It was only natural. She looked at the male intently, not knowing what to expect with the stone-cold teen. Feelings of worry, doubt and anxiousness bubbled deep inside of her, though she refused to show it. Reiner bit his lip in hesitance before finally starting his claim. He dug his hands into his pocket before starting his words of peace.

"I didn't mea-no, want, to leave you on the boat. In fact, I wanted to stay with you. But I couldn't. I had friends who were also pretty messed up from the titans, y' know?" He started, glancing at the ground before looking into Y/N's warm eyes. She exhaled a deep breath as she recalled the memories of the boats, the feelings of abandonment that had overwhelmed her on that day rushing back. It was like she was experiencing over again - the loneliness, the grieving, the confusion and fear. Y/N didn't say anything, and just let Reiner continue. The other was grateful that she was even listening in the first place, despite her weakened mental state. 

"And it wasn't like I didn't think of you anymore after I went off. That's the total opposite! You were on my mind 24/7 as I worried about how you would survive out there. When I saw you here, I was shocked that you even managed to get that far, truth be told. I'd be lying if I said that I approve of you being here." He mumbled with a sigh, his hand lifting from his pockets and to the back of his neck, where he nervously scratched at it. That completely threw Y/N off. She didn't know what hurt her more - the fact that Reiner didn't like her gaining strength or the fact that he sees her as some sort of little sister, someone he has to protect. It was bad enough that she had reflected her own brother onto him, and now, seeing his side of the story made Y/N realise how selfish she was. How conceited she was that she believed that she was the victim when in reality, there were never any victims. Only two helpless children who didn't know any better.

"Ouch." She whispered, before huffing out of her nostrils, her foot tapping the dirt ground subconsciously as the air became dense. The feeling of guilt came after her as she had blamed him for leaving her during the past 3 years when yet, there was no reason to stay. Only the selfish thought that had bit into her mind that he was meant to stay for her. She carefully thought through his words while her eyes were trained on the floor, not bearing to look at the other, before she made up her mind. Reiner just watched her, anxious for her response. His jaw tightened, a look of worry on his face. He took a small step towards her, hesitating. Y/N suddenly looked up and into the male's grey eyes.

"Be honest Reiner. What do you want this to be? I mean, we're both as bad as each other." She started, not sure on how to word it any better. Y/N was too tired at pretending to hate him as she relocated all that hate to herself - for deceiving herself, and for using him as a coping mechanism. Deep down, she knew that no longer ties were bounding them together - so why was he still here? What did he want out of all this mess? Reiner paused, confused at the question. Y/N watched him, seeing the cogs inside his head turn.

"I can only apologise. This is my fault - this whole game of blaming each other. But now, there's no need for it. So? What now?" Y/N elaborated after some time. The whole 'realising that you're the douchebag' heavily weighed down on her, so she didn't want to stay for any longer than she had needed. All she wanted was Reiner's reply, yet she was anxious for that as well.

"I... want to restart." He muttered, his eyebrows furrowing as his eyes darted everywhere. The male wasn't so sure what he wanted. Part of him still, somehow, wanted to stay in Y/N's life. After seeing her all these years, he remembered why he was so fond of her. Why he instantly felt calm around her. Though, he felt like he as walking on eggshells when she was around. She had definitely changed over the period of years that he had missed, which made him feel somewhat upset. After seeing her development, he longed to see the rest of her development. But, she was right. They had both changed. This contradicted everything that he had previously thought. Reiner gazed back at Y/N, who silently nodded, her lips pursed.

"Sure. Just, let me get over you, then, I'll be ready." Y/N quietly said, a small smile showing on her lips. Reiner's mouth dropped slightly as he attempted to translate what she had just said, yet she gave him no time. She turned her back away from the dumbfounded Reiner, who played with the possibility that she may have felt the same as him. Wordlessly, Y/N waved her hand as she strolled away, feeling calmer than before. The sound of dust filled her eardrums as Reiner watched her leave silently, leaving him to his own thoughts.

As soon as Y/N stepped back into the light, the sun higher than before, she immediately caught sight of Jean who was patiently waiting for her out on the porch, oblivious to everything as he looked around. Jean's face lit up once he noticed Y/N and jogged over to the emotionally drained girl. Y/N spotted him running over towards her, so she placed on a fake smile, waved and pretended that everything was alright. Once Jean caught up with her, he spurred her into the most random-est of conversations as they to the training grounds side by side. Judging by the number of soldiers lingering on the grounds, Y/N knew that she wasted her precious time. Y/N's conversation with Reiner took up the rest of her free time, so training was about to start in a few minutes.

As the pair walked to the training grounds where the ODM gear was, they accidentally joined up with Marco, an optimistic guy who wanted to serve the king, walking the same direction as them. Jean immediately wrapped one around his shoulder in a playful matter, teasing him about the smallest of things and of his dreams. Y/N watched happily, a genuine smile playing on her face. The trio slowed down their pace once they joined the crowd of trainees waiting in front of the ODM gear, none of them wanting to start training just yet. Training hadn't officially begun just yet, but everyone still came early so that they wouldn't get shouted at for their tardiness. No one wanted to take any risks after yesterday.

Commander Keith soon arrived, his hands behind his back once again as he radiated superiority. The trainees had all lined up in the same sort of formation from yesterday at the sight of him approaching. Y/N stood next to Jean which she instantly regretted because Jean kept whispering jokes, trying to make Y/N laugh whilst the Commander was nearby. She almost did a couple of times, but her willpower stopped her from doing so. Jean eventually stopped, knowing that he wasn't going to break her determination not to laugh, though a smug smirk still made its appearance.

"ALRIGHT YOU PIP SQUEAKS. YOU ALL HAVE EVALUATION IN A WEEKS TIME. SCREW THIS UP, AND WE MOVE YOU TO THE FARMS WHERE YOU BELONG, YOU BUNCH OF COWARDS." He yelled like usual, standing in front of the mass of cadets. His hands were behind his lower back and his feet had distanced themselves. Surprisingly, he had excellent posture. Meanwhile, Y/N had completely forgotten about the evaluation. She didn't want to end up in the farms - that's where those who dropped out or those who weren't needed were placed, where they were forced to labour on the fields all day. During the food shortage, a lot of adults were forced to go or volunteered to help. It wasn't a particularly good time, as a lot of people came back exhausted. Some deaths had occurred on the farms as well. Going to the farm would mean that Y/N would have no chance of walking her brother's footsteps. She dreaded the possibility of being thrown away into endless labour.

"IN THE MEANTIME, I'M GOING TO BREAK YOU AND MOLD YOU AGAIN TO PREPARE YOU FOR THE TEST. YOU WILL BE STRIPPED FROM ALL SENSE OF DIGNITY AND TURNED INTO A POWERFUL, TITAN SLAYING MACHINE. IF YOU SOMEHOW MANAGE TO FAIL, YOU'LL END UP BEING TITAN FOOD REGARDLESS, WHICH I'M SURE THAT MOST OF YOU WILL. CURRENTLY, YOU DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO FACE THOSE GIANT BASTARDS." He added the pressure of failing onto the weight of stress for the cadets. Y/N groaned under her breath, knowing that the commander was right - she is still powerless against humanity's natural enemy. Though, who was strong enough at this stage?

After the commander carried on degrading the cadets, making them seem like some sort of weak little children, he proceeded to explain what was to come during the evaluation.

"YOU WILL BE GOING THROUGH A RANGE OF TESTS, PUSHING YOUR LIMITS. THERE WILL BE EXERCISES ON HOW YOU KILL TITANS, HOW YOU USE YOUR ODM GEAR, HAND TO HAND COMBAT, AND YOUR STAMINA. THESE ARE ALL ESSENTIAL FOR SURVIVAL - MESS ONE OF THESE UP, AND YOU'VE IMMEDIATELY GOTTEN KILLED, BY EITHER TITAN OR HUMAN." He explained, his voice steady and never quavering. Y/N was slightly confused with the stamina and hand to hand combat, though she understood where the Commander was coming from. They all helped the cadets have the advantage of winning against anyone, whether it be human or titan. If they were taught any skills, then they would instantly help the cadets' survival. She just hoped she wouldn't have to go against humans so soon.

After the brief explanations of what's to come in the upcoming week, the cadets had a choice in what station they should train at. There was hand to hand combat, where you fight against a partner with a wooden knife and switch roles, ODM gear training that tested if you were fit to fly in the air and if you could maintain your balance, and finally, the compulsory hike with Keith in which you jog up the nearby mountain, carrying a heavy bag that contained precious equipment. The hike was to push you in terms of stamina and physical strength, though Y/N knew that she would take the latest allocated time for that. She was absolutely horrible at running. 

After going through the choices, Y/N and Jean both agreed at starting at the ODM training, then to hand to hand combat, and then to the hike last. The pair, with Marco tagging along, walked over to the ODM gear which was right in front of them. Y/N spotted Eren, Mikasa and Armin already testing their balance on it. It came naturally to Mikasa; she didn't have to put in effort whilst using it. Y/N admired her skills, a grin tugging at her lips as she watched her carelessly balance in the air, her hands dangling as she had a look of boredom of her face. Y/N knew that she would excel. Her eyes then met Eren's, who was upside down, his feet waving in the air where his body was supposed to be. His head was merely an inch away from the ground, and he had a look of anger on his face. Y/N suppressed a giggle at the boy's efforts, though she reminded herself that it was harder than it looked.

"Hey Eren, you're meant to balance, not fall!" Jean called out from beside Y/N, who snickered at Jean's teasing. She heard angry shouts from Eren that she couldn't quite make out, but she knew that he was probably insulting Jean.

Meanwhile, Armin too was managing top balance in the ODM gear, though he looked like he was about to fall at a moment's notice. He wasn't as steady as Mikasa beside him, yet he still had a pretty good grasp at it. The girl was impressed at Armin's determination to not fall behind and his perseverance - they would definitely help him in the long run. Y/N slightly envied him for it, wishing to have the same drive as the male. 


	6. Jeanie Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 27/12/20

When it was finally their turn, Jean and Y/N walked up to their separate ODM gear. Y/N attached the equipment around her waist with the help of Marco, who buckled her in. Once he gave her the thumbs up, Y/N waited to be raised in the air, her anticipation growing with every passing second. As soon as she felt her feet slowly grazed the dirt, leaving a cloud of dust, she knew that she was being pulled into the air, Marco being the one raising her. As her feet finally left the ground, she gasped at the sensation. With her body being in the air, she was excited, although, in the beginning, she struggled to get her balance. Her hips were jolting and shaking at first as she didn't know how to relax, but she soon got into the swing of things. Once she was comfortably sitting in the gear, she grinned and looked at the people below her. 

Reiner caught her eye, as he watched her intently. Once the two made eye contact, he gave her a reassuring smile and a nod of approval. Y/N rolled her eyes, but not in a serious matter as a small smile crept onto her face. Though she told him that she'll attempt at being friends after getting rid of her feelings for him, she doubted that would happen anytime soon. She wasn't even sure about how she felt. The girl then looked beside her to see Jean also acing the gear. The male caught her gaze and cheered for her, a cocky smile on his face. Y/N just laughed at Jean's ecstatic reaction and was brimming with pride for both of them. It seemed like this was one of their strong suits, which felt like it had given her the advantage. Y/N's eyes once again dropped down to the ground, where she saw Eren meticulously studying the two comfortable users. He had a bandage around his head, which Mikasa was constantly tending to in worry. The girl waved at her friends, who waved back enthusiastically.

'At least I'm used to the air. That'll help me with flying about.' She thought to herself. After a few moments, Marco gently lowered her down without warning. Y/N was slightly sad that she had to be put back down, but she obviously knew why. Being on the ground gave Y/N some sort of determination to be in the air once again. As soon as Y/N steadily made contact with the dirt, she thanked Marco who tended to her gear. He just smiled at her as the buckles dropped to the floor.

"You were pretty cool up there, Y/N." He said boldly. Y/N was taken aback at the sudden compliment but accepted it regardless. She smiled a toothy grin.

"Thanks, dude." The girl said gratefully, before walking away when she was free from the gear. Marco was stuck with tending the gear with the other cadets, and so wasn't able to join the two. Jean met her halfway, excited. He had his hands down by his sides and a wide, smug smirk on his face.

"You gotta admit, I'm great at this sort of thing." He boasted, running his hands through his hair like he was some sort of hot stuff. Y/N just snorted at his attempt to look cool, crossing her arms with an amused look on her face.

"Of course you are, King Kirschtein." She said in a sarcastic tone, before walking away from him teasingly. Jean lost his smirk as he jogged over to Y/N, with a look of hurt on his face and his right hand on his chest, over his heart.

"Ouch, that hurt me Y/N. As King, you should apologise." He playfully told Y/N with a pout on his face, before laughing and breaking his act. Y/N snickered playfully at how Jean managed to turn his 'king' act around. The girl soon felt Jean's arm wrapped around her shoulder as the duo walked over to the hand to hand combat area. His hold felt comfortable like it wasn't out of place for someone who she had only met this morning. The sky was a bright blue without a single cloud on sight. The temperature warmed up, which Y/N was grateful for.

Soon the pair arrived at the hand to hand session where it was cornered off with rope serving as a fence. They stood watching other trainees fighting each other, some excelling in this sort of training, others, not so much. After watching some cadets closely for a short amount of time, she figured out that everyone had their strengths and weakness. The girl turned back to Jean, excited to see where her physical strength compared to others.

"Hey Jeanie, perhaps we should split for this. I wanna test some other people, and get a good sense of how they fight." Y/N bluntly told the boy, who tsked at his nickname given to him, though he was open for the suggestion. He nodded his head, his arm sliding off of Y/N's shoulder.

"Sure. After you're done, come catch me." Jean replied. Y/N agreed to that and waved goodbye as she watched Jean walk over to Sasha and Connie, who appeared to be goofing off. As she was about to do the same and grab some partners to train with, two strong, rough hands were placed either side of her shoulders, gripping them gently. Y/N moved slightly at the sudden touch, quickly looking up to see the face of Reiner, glancing at Jean who was laughing with the comical duo, an unknown look on his face. He turned his attention back onto Y/N once he realised that she was watching him.

"Hey. Lets spare, shall we?" He asked, grinning, his hands having no intention to leave her shoulders. Y/N groaned, reluctant.

"You're such a nuisance. Alright." She said in an airy tone. Y/N had spent enough time with Reiner to get the sense that he was excellent at the fighting sort of stuff, and so she knew that he was going to be a great partner to practice with. Reiner let go of Y/N and wordlessly gave her a wooden knife, to which Y/N raised her eyebrow in response.

"Looks like someone came prepared." She mumbled before creating space between the two by stepping back, watching the male do the same. 

"You try and defend yourself." He said in a loud voice so that she could hear him, despite the large gap between them. Y/N nodded, clutching the knife.

Soon enough, Reiner got into an offensive position. His feet were far apart, his weight on the front foot and his wooden knife in his dominant hand, secured with both hands. He looked like he was ready to run, similar to a cannonball. A look of concentration flashed across his face before he turned blank again. Y/N got into a defensive position that also allowed her to attack if necessary. She brought her wooden knife near her waist, adjusting it so that the blade was pointing to the floor. Her free hand hovered in front of her and across her body as she tried to maximise both her defence and offence. She took a couple of deep breaths, not sure what to expect with the muscular male attacking first.

'Looks like Reiner isn't going to hold back.' She thought, chewing the inside of her lip in anticipation.

After a few moments with a tense atmosphere, Reiner suddenly came charging at Y/N with no warning whatsoever. Though, Y/N knew what he was up to. He raised his knife above his head, looking like he was ready to squash the girl. Y/N knew that his only option was to swing down, so when Reiner joined up with her, she jumped out of the way mid-swing. However, Reiner managed to swiftly change direction, and aim for her stomach. The knife came quickly as Y/N's eyes widened at his sudden reflexes, but she wasn't ready to give up just yet.

She grabbed the attacking arm and swung it to the floor to the left of her. Thinking she had him, Y/N dropped her guard momentarily, but Reiner had other plans. With his free hand, he hooked it around her torso and yanked her down with him, knocking both of them to the floor. Y/N spun before she hit her head on the ground first, causing her to gasp at the impact. The rest of her body fell on to Reiner's torso. Neither of them seemed to give up, though, as they both sat up despite Y/N's wound. Seizing the chance, Y/N jumped onto Reiner's chest, and using her full body weight, she shoved the side of her arm onto his neck, forcing him to go back to the ground. He groaned as he tried to control his breathing. Cutting off his airways were the only thing Y/N thought to do to gain the advantage. However, In retaliation, the male grabbed Y/N's waist and rolled over, squashing Y/N under him. The arm that had pinned Reiner's neck down fell to her side. Reiner placed his full weight on Y/N, pinning her to the ground. She felt suffocated and couldn't breathe properly. With her arms and legs out, she frantically tapped Reiner's wrist a couple of times, telling him that she gave up. In response, the male immediately got off of her, looking unscathed from the fight. He looked at Y/N, who was breathing heavily and gasping for air and held out his hand.

"Sorry. I forgot how heavy I was." He said sheepishly, a small smile on his face as he apologised. Y/N rolled her eyes, her chest rising and falling rapidly. She wordlessly grabbed Reiner's hand and pulled herself up. The girl couldn't say anything as she was so out of shape, so she tapped Reiner's chest a couple of times. The male raised an eyebrow, confused.

"Good....work." She spat out, wheezing. One of her arms dropped to the side as she took a couple of steps, the other rubbed the back of her head.

"You too. You caught me off guard when you nearly strangled me with your arm." Reiner chuckled, impressed with Y/N's quick thinking. Y/N nodded but didn't reply - she was too busy trying to get her breathing back under control.

'God, I'm so out of shape. Hand to hand combat may not be my forte.' She thought, annoyed that she had yet, another weakness. In her eyes, failure was not acceptable, especially in these trying times. Further ahead, she saw Jean straddling Armin, laughing at the tired male as he sat on his waist, whooping for himself.

'Is there anything that Jean is bad at? Something other than shutting his mouth?' She thought, slightly annoyed that he's managing to get through this training with top marks. Y/N set off for the male, wanting to ask him for his tips and tricks. As she clumsily made her way to Jean, she clumsily stumbled over her own two feet. The girl fell face forehead, yelping as she saw the ground getting nearer. She closed her eyes in response, but she never made contact with the dirt. Instead, a hand managed to snake around her torso and supported her. She already knew who it was - she could tell by how strong the male felt. The girl opened her eyes and saw the floor up close until she was pulled back. The back of her head gently hit his chest, as the somehow ended up in one hand, back hug position.

"What are you doing, Reiner?" She asked, not looking up at him, yet not leaving his warm embrace. She felt his warm body heat radiate off of him, making her blush slightly. The simplest of things could set her off, which was bad as she needed to give her time to pick herself back up. The sounds of his heartbeat flooded her ears, as it was strong and steady - just like him.

"You would've fallen if I hadn't helped you." He said in a quiet, matter-of-fact tone. He didn't release from the clasp either, not seeming uncomfortable. He looked down at Y/N, her height making her look hug-able. The male looked away, embarrassed by his own thoughts. Eventually, people started to take notice of the not so subtly pair, making Y/N slightly awkward. Slowly, she pulled Reiner's arm away from her torso, and wordlessly walked away, leaving Reiner once again. She couldn't risk anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm such a sucker for drama. >:)


	7. Turtle Shell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 27/12/20
> 
> \-- kinda a slow chapter ;-;

It was finally time for the dreaded hike. Y/N whined to Jean throughout the whole walk to the starting point, which was the training grounds. Jean just nodded along, laughing at suitable times, but other than that, he wasn't paying attention to her petty rant. The male had a short attention span to things that bore him. Once they had arrived at the grounds in which they would be taken off, they stood awkwardly in the middle of the base. Other than them, there were a few other cadets spread across the grounds, waiting for the Commander to come. 

'Look's like everyone else got it done and out the way.' Y/N thought as she looked around, before turning back to the already tired Jean.

"I hate hikes so much." He grumbled under his breath, but Y/N still caught on anyway. The girl couldn't argue with his point - she too, hated hikes. She wasn't that athletic or fit, though she hoped that she would at least improve during her time as a cadet. If it was proven that she lacked stamina, she knew that Keith would just throw her away to the farms without a moment's hesitation - that's what made him so fearful. He didn't care for other people's opinion or feelings, nor did he consider them. He wanted what's best for humanity, and so did Y/N, so she just had to prove how dedicated she was to devote herself to the cause.

The pair stood waiting for the Commander in comfortable silence. There weren't any other people she knew, other than Jean, that was in the last hiking group but she didn't care. The girl didn't enrol into cadets to make friends. Eventually, the Commander arrived at the spot on horseback. He rode a tall, strong brown stallion that neighed quietly. Keith wore his usual trench coat and uniform but had a light, thin green raincoat over the top, the wings of freedom proudly displayed on the back of the material. He surveyed the area to the last set of cadets that were prepared for the compulsory hike and tsked bitterly. His cold, hard eyes met Y/N's briefly, which was enough to remind herself of her place. The girl looked at Jean after breaking eye contact with the Commander and saw him gulp. She nudged him, trying to help distract the male. 

Though he didn't look back at her, he nodded, acknowledging the small gesture with gratitude. Y/N gave a small smile as she turned back to the Commander, who looked as if he was ready to leave at any given second. After checking the number of cadets he had in his last squad, the male nodded to himself, before addressing them.

"ALRIGHT YOU PIECES OF SHIT, GET MOVING. IF YOU FALL BEHIND, WE'RE LEAVING YOU IN THE MUD, ALONE, IN THE MOUNTAINS. GOT IT? ITS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO KEEP UP." He shouted. Y/N exhaled deeply. 

'Was there a time where he wasn't shouting?' She thought to herself. The threat hadn't made her fearful, as she knew that would be the case anyway. The Commander was a man of his word, and she refused to give up already when they hadn't even started training yet. After giving the cadets the warning, Keith raised and swiftly pulled down on the rein that connected to the leather saddle, gently whacking the brown horse to get it to move. The horse obeyed, and immediately began to trot away at a swift, yet joggable pace.

"COME ON, TITAN FOOD. GET YOUR GEAR AND CATCH UP." He shouted as he was in the midst of leaving the grounds, heading towards the gate entrance.

"Shit," Y/N said to herself, her heart racing at the sudden departure of the group. She looked around somewhat frantically, finally noticing that she was unprepared. The girl spotted a spare bag that they were supposed to hike with on the ground, and quickly swept it up. It was so large that it was able to hang over the soldier's head. With no one objecting, she swung it on her back and tightly held the straps of it. Now that she wore it, she realized how heavy it was and how quickly her shoulders were already dropping due to the weight. Though, when she jogged to the Commander with Jean by her side, he made it seem like it was nothing.

As soon as the squad left the ranges of Cadet grounds, they immediately began their climb on a steep mountain. Trees had covered most of it, with forests upon forests waiting for the group as they trekked higher into nature. Jagged rocks had occasionally caved onto the stone path that the group was hiking on, and the humming of insects was almost drowned out by some sort of river source nearby. About an hour in, Y/N was slowly starting to lose her steady pace with the group. Her breathing had become shallow as the bag suddenly felt even heavier than before she had left, threatening to drop off of her shoulders. The girl looked to the side and spotted that there was no one beside her. Confused and panting, the girl turned straight ahead and saw a few other Cadets, that weren't Jean, in front of her and effortlessly running with the Commander who was shouting insults.

Y/N looked over her shoulder, the green mesh bag blocked most of her view yet she still managed to catch sight of Jean, no longer running. His technique was sloppy as he descended into a fast walk, beads of sweat pouring from his head as he looked like he was on the verge of collapse. His legs were bent half the time as he desperately adjusted the bag's weight. There was a pained look on his face, his eyes screaming out for someone to help him, yet he still persevered on. Y/N slowed down and jogged over to the exhausted male. Wordlessly, with their breathing in sync, she grabbed Jean's bag from her back and carried it on her right arm. The bag soon threatened to slide off, yet Y/N still gave it her all as she tried to hurry the boy along. Jean gave Y/N a confused look as he tried to regain his breath. Y/N was starting to ache, her back cramping up because of the weight of both bags, yet she couldn't risk stopping. She knew that if she did, she would end up passing out and instantly fail the course.

"Come...on. Falling...behind." She panted out, feeling as tired as he was. The girl grabbed his wrist and gently dragged him along, jogging up the mountain. The group wasn't too far ahead of them, yet they looked like they didn't have any intention of stopping. No one had even noticed the two cadets falling behind. Y/N's feet gradually started dragging her down to the floor, the gradient of the mountain increasing with every passing second. The weight of the bags gradually crushed her to the ground. The feeling of sinking in quicksand overtook her, as well as exhaustion, though she had to bring Jean along. If one of them was going to catch up to the Commander, it was going to be him and she was ready to help at any cost. 

Y/N's jogs soon turned into lunges, her ribs aching with every breath. Everything felt like it was closing in on her as she was almost to the point of crawling. Jean just watched her efforts, breathless, when he took off one of the bags on her back and swung it on his own with a pant.

"Sorry." He choked out before repaying Y/N and hoisting her off of the floor. Y/N was on the verge of passing out, her vision blurry yet she still tried to fight the exhaustion overtaking her. Her body pained despite some of the weight being offloaded, and the sun almost suffocated the soldier. Jean watched as Y/N slowly fell unconscious, almost panicking as he didn't what he was supposed to do other than drag her up the mountain. He groaned, nearly yelling out of annoyance.

"God...damn it Y/N." He whispered out using as little energy as possible. Jean held the soldier underneath her underarms, gripping onto her as he was afraid to drop her.

After a few hours, the group had returned. During the hike, Y/N was deemed as unfit to continue the journey and rode the rest of the hike on the back of the commander's horse. Jean, upon somehow meeting back with the Commander, explained as to why she was passed out. He insisted that she helped him return with the group by carrying his bag when he was on the verge of collapsing himself. He made sure that that was drilled into the superior's mind, and that she wasn't just lazy. She helped him a great amount, and Jean knew that he would need to pay her back. Keith just looked unimpressed with the duo as he sighed.

"Come on you burdens. Let's head back." He said in a low voice, rubbing his forehead between his eyebrows with his index finger and thumb. He had a tired look on his face, even though he had ridden the journey on horseback. When the group arrived back, Y/N was immediately sent to the medical room carried by a few cadets whom she didn't know. 


	8. Dog Hounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want reiner to be real, god damnit. ;-;  
> oh and apologies if any of my grammar is incorrect - i re read my chapters occasionally, so i dont really notice my mistakes. im also trying to make chapters longer, though they have been short recently.  
> feel free to ask any questions!
> 
> LAST UPDATED; 27/12/20

The first thing Y/N saw was the white, bare ceiling with bumps travelling down it. The sky was transitioning into the night, as hints of blue poured on to the canvas. The moonlight illuminated the medical room in which Y/N was stationed in. The opened window let out a cool breeze which relieved Y/N of any worries upon her waking up. Her vision was hazy and an immediate headache came into play once she opened her eyes, though, she had a good rest compared to other days. The girl groaned, wincing at the sharp stabbing pains at the front of her head. Instinctively, she tried to place her hand on her head in an attempt to soothe it, though she couldn't lift her hand. A weight had stopped her from lifting it. She lazily turned her head to her right side, her shoulders relaxing, to see what was holding her hand back. The girl saw the top of someone's blond head covering her right side as they laid comfortably across her body. Reiner's head rested on his arms, which were contently on Y/N's stomach. Even though she was the one hospitalized, she didn't want to wake the sleeping boy up, so she didn't move her upper body. The girl stared at Reiner, before looking back at the front of the room, huffing.

As a replacement, she tried to shift her body up to get into a more comfortable position but accidentally kicked something at the foot of the bed as she tried to wiggle up. Y/N sighed quietly as she spotted Jean's face asleep, whilst he was dribbling. The girl huffed at the behaviour of the two but didn't reject it. She glanced at the two males, her heart skipping a beat. 

'How long have they been here for?' She thought to herself as she relaxed again into the bed, the light sheet hugging her frame perfectly. She looked between the two worn-out boys before closing her eyes again.

"5 minutes won't hurt." She grumbled to no one in particular, as her breathing soon slowed down into soft, long breaths. Eventually, she fell asleep to Reiner's light snoring and Jean's muttering.

The girl awoke once more in the early morning. The orange sunlight poured in through the window and directly shone onto her face, causing her to whimper in discontent. The sun forced Y/N to get up which she wasn't too happy about. She blinked a couple of times to try and shake away her sleepy eyes before looking around. This time, the girl was greeted with the two boys sitting beside her bed, anxiously watching the girl. Once they all made eye contact with each other, there was an awkward pause.

"Y/N OH MY GOD I THOUGHT YOU DIED," Jean exclaimed first, abruptly standing up which caused his wooden stall to fall over. Y/N winced slightly at the sudden noise, but other than that, she just smiled weakly at the boy's reaction. Jean hovered over her before grabbing her wrist, turning it gently to see if there was anything to point out. Once he was happy with his brief scan, he gently placed her hand back down at her side. Y/N exhaled sharply, grinning. Reiner just huffed through his nostrils at the sight of the pair, before looking back at Y/N who was caught glancing at him.

"I'm just glad that you're okay. You wouldn't be here if it weren't for the dumbass over there managing to ruin your hike and slow you down." Reiner said in a bitter voice, glaring at the boy beside him who dropped Y/N's wrist and gave him the dirtiest look in return. Y/N looked from one of them to the other, before sighing at their behaviour. Even though she had only woked up a couple of minutes ago, she was already dragged into their petty remarks.

"It's okay. Just...don't fight. I did what I needed to. Jean needed help." She croaked out. Her voice was scratchy which caused her throat to pain. Jean frowned, knowing that she was right as he turned back to her. He ran his hand through his hair, an apologetic look on his face.

"I know. I'm sorry," he started in a small tone, glancing at the floor briefly before making eye contact with the girl. The silence was uncomfortable for the three of them, so he decided to change subjects.

"Oh, by the way, Armin, Mikasa and Eren visited you whilst you were asleep. It was only for a short time, but they still watched over you." Jean finished, giving Y/N a genuine, small smile. Y/N nodded feebly, understanding. She hadn't spent much time with the trio which made her a little upset, so she mentally reminded herself to ask them to hang out once she was discharged from the medic room, which she knew was going to be soon. She felt like she was capable of anything after her day's rest. Besides, she wasn't physically wounded. Y/N was only exhausted.

Reiner had a blank look on his face. The male felt like he was completely invisible when Jean was there, making it hard to approach Y/N. However, he knew that Y/N said that she needed to 'get over him,' which troubled the male. What did that mean? He needed answers but didn't want to question her in front of Jean. That's why he usually sought for moments where she was alone but he knew that this wasn't going to be the case. Wordlessly and gently, the tall teenager reached out and grabbed one of Y/N's hands, the one which Jean had previously picked up. Jean just stared at him, perplexed and dumbfounded as to why he would do such a gesture. Meanwhile, Reiner just caressed the back of Y/N's hand, running small circles with his thumb as he stared at the hand, all sorts of questions going through his head. Y/N was speechless as Reiner was in his little world with her hand. She exchanged glances with Jean who didn't know how to respond. Both their jaws reached the floor. Y/N wasn't sure on how she felt about the male - it was changing every day. He told her that he wanted to start over, yet he was pulling some weird stunt with her hand? He was just confusing as Y/N.

After not being able to take any more of Reiner's weird behaviour, Jean cleared his throat and brought his face in front of Reiner's, placing a very pissed off smile on his face. 

"Can you like, not do this while I'm here?" Jean said, roughly swatting Reiner's hand off of Y/N's. That was when Reiner finally acknowledged his actions and became an embarrassing mess. He had only meant to hold her hand whilst asking some questions, but instead, he returned to his mind palace. Y/N, too, was slightly embarrassed and flustered with the small moment. The blond started to mumble multiple apologies to Y/N who didn't say anything about it, and just shook her head, dismissing what had just happened. Her ears were tinted bright pink as she bashfully looked away from the male. His apologies reminded her of a small puppy, which almost made her laugh aloud. Who knew that the strong, manly teenager could resemble such an innocent animal? Y/N grinned to herself as she looked back at the pair in front of her cautiously watching.

The trio proceeded to talk of random things after a short amount of time and Y/N caught up with the drama and gossip.

"...So then he proceeded to do some sort of ninja move, and wipe me off the floor!!" Jean whined, frowning at the memory of being bashed in by Eren last night. Y/N giggled, laughing at their banter. Though they may seem indifferent, Y/N was sure that by the end of this, they would become the greatest of friends. Though they would say otherwise, the two actually had a lot of common. They were both knuckleheads, determined soldiers. She claimed all of her dinner meals on it during a bet with Sasha a few days ago that the two would become friends; She hoped that her judgement was right.

In the middle of their conversation, a small thought popped into her head. She hadn't seen Bertholdt in a while and was about to ask about his whereabouts when a hard knock came from the other side of the door. Without another word, the door gently swung open and the Commander, in all his glory, walked in. His hands were behind his back as usual as he wearily walked towards the soldiers. He looked dishevelled and tired, a frown bearing on his face. His fist covered his mouth as he cleared his throat, looking from the two boys to Y/N. The girl made the solute as fast as she could, her right hand covering the left side of her chest, though the commander shook his head, dismissing formality. She was slightly confused at the sudden appearance of the superior that she didn't really know how to react, though she dropped her hands back to her side.

"Y/N S/N, you no longer need to attend training. Your bags are packed and ready to go." He said in a low, quiet voice. Y/N paused, not understanding what the Commander had meant, though the boys instantly did. Reiner joined Jean up on his feet, stepping towards the Commander. Panic was evident on both their faces, their eyebrows creasing out of worry. Jean had his shoulder's slightly raise, his palms facing the sky as he shouted something incoherent. Reiner just placed a hand on his chest, leaning towards the superior. The two were resisting against something, but Y/N didn't know what. It hadn't clicked into her head, yet her heart knew what was happening.

"You can't kick her out! She hasn't gone through the evaluation yet. The least you could do is give her a chance to prove her worth!" Reiner argued, his voice getting louder by the second. Jean detested the decision of the commander as he joined the fray to defend Y/N. The two were playing a risky game, arguing against the Commander himself, but what else could they do? They refused to let their friend get kicked out for something as unfair as this.

"What kind of- She helped me when I fell behind! She's at least as good as a soldier as any." Jean stated at the same time as Reiner, their voices jumbled up as none of them could speak properly. Y/N just stared at the sky, disassociating herself with reality whilst wishing she was far away. Far away from the moment. She didn't want to think about anything so soon.

The Commander waited until the dog-like boys calmed down to explain his reasoning. Even his behaviour was somewhat off. He buried his hands deep into his pockets, waiting for a heartbeat, and then started to talk.

"Y/N has been inadequate with her hand to hand combat skills and lacks the stamina. Stamina is what gets you moving through the air, and is the drive that helps slay the titans. If she has none of that, she is predominantly useless out in the battlefield. She's dead meat." He said casually, which was the finishing blow for the boys. Before they started another ruckus and get themselves into trouble, Y/N suddenly leaned froward from her bed and grabbed both of their wrists, holding them back from verbally abusing the Commander. They looked over their shoulder and Y/N saw all of their emotions in their eyes. Fear, anger, defeat. Yet none of them said anything to Y/N as they looked as upset as she was. While still staring out in space, Y/N respected the Commander's reasoning. Her eyes flickered to the older man's in front of her, nodding.

"Yes sir. I'll move right away."


	9. Farmer Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 27/12/20

Jean and Reiner protested to Y/N as they were walking to the dorms to pick Y/N's belongings up. It was the middle of the afternoon as cadets were continuing their never-ending training, sparring with one another or messing about subtly under the Commander's watchful eye. The weather was humid and hot, reminding the cadets that it was another long summer day. Y/N wore a grim look on her face as the two boys finally agreed on something. She tried to think about the future and what was going to happen to her. She was being sent to the farms - that's the most she knew. Within a couple of days, she had managed to disappoint both herself and her brother. The thought was enough to ignite the ticking time bomb that was inside of her. She needed to sort out her mind, and the shouts beside her weren't helping at all. After a few more minutes of their continuous protesting to whoever would listen, Y/N finally had enough and snapped.

"CAN BOTH OF YOU JUST SHUT UP? I'M FEELING SHIT ALREADY, I DON'T NEED TO DEAL WITH THIS NOW." She shouted, grabbing her ears as she crouched to the floor. She needed to block out everyone and all noise to think straight. Making herself tiny gave her somewhat of personal space and helped calm her down. Though, her heart was racing as she mentally refused to accept the fact that she was being kicked out. She had come to grasp with reality, yes, but she hated it. Her eyes were tightly shut in concentration.

"Tch, brats." A cold mutter suddenly infiltrated Y/N's mind, causing her eyes to shoot open. She heard footsteps echo past her as her hands slowly uncovered her ears. With the new order to leave, she wasn't about to have any bullshit from a stranger. As she slowly straightened up, she felt the curious gazes of the two boys pierce her but she ignored them. With her rage brewing inside her for all different reason, she found a way to let go of it - and the stranger was it. As she watched the stranger slowly trail ahead of her, she glanced at the wings of freedom displayed on his green cloak. Immediately, she knew that he was superior of some ranking, yet she completely disregarded that. His black, matte hair was in an undercut, and the one distinctive feature he had was that he was short. He reminded Y/N of an old man - he certainly sounded like it. Clenching her teeth bitterly, Y/N outstretched her arm and grabbed the male's wrist tightly, stopping him in his tracks with his back turned away from her.

"Oi, midget. You dare patronize me when you lack the height to even look at me at eye level?" The girl said in an angry, firm tone, though she wasn't loud. It was more like a grumble, but the man still heard it. Reiner and Jean just looked at Y/N, dumbfounded, before panicking. Reiner cleared his throat and swiftly walked over to Y/N, ducking down slightly so that his voice can reach her ears, and her ears only, as Jean began to bit his lip, anxious. The two didn't know what they were in for.

"Uh, Y/N. That's Captain Levi-" He tried to reason with the uncontrollable girl, though she didn't want to listen. The male that was in Y/N's grasp was infamous to some, if not all, cadets currently training. Even the existence of Levi reached the ears of a small-town boy in Shiganshina - that's how popular and well known the Captain was.

"I don't give a shit who he is. He can be God for all I care!" She said in a loud and bold voice, turning her attention from Reiner back to the man in front of her. He didn't turn around, nor try to break free from Y/N's clasp. It was like he was waiting for something. However, he was bad at hiding how pissed he was. Even Jean, who was a few feet away, felt crushed by the tension of the two. Reiner looked between the angry pair, before sighing and trying to talk to Y/N out of her predicament. It was dangerous if anything escalated from this, and Reiner knew.

"He's humanity's strongest soldier, Y/N. He's got the largest amount of titan kills, and he's second to the Commander of the Survey Corps." He whispered desperately. Reiner made some sort of attempt to give Y/N an understanding of the male's power, yet it fell onto deaf ears. He knew that if they began to clash, he wasn't sure what would happen. Y/N looked back at Reiner with a mocking face, never letting go of the short male. If she wasn't pissed off at him for his shouts, she was now. Her anger just continued to rise and rise and she wasn't sure whether she could control herself.

"I. Don't. Give. A. Flying. Shit-" She sounded out, though she was never able to finish her sentence, as a flying fist was swung her way. Y/N caught glimpse of it just in time to miss it as she let go of the so-called 'captain.' However, she wasn't swift enough to dodge his kick. Reiner jumped out of the way as Levi swung his foot into Y/N's stomach, the girl groaning, but no backing down. She winced in pain, the fat beginning to ache as she slouched over. Y/N paused, before balling her fists. She took the opening to stand up properly when Levi kicked his leg back, ready for another kick. He had a dark look on his face, his superiority and strength oozing out of his cold glare. If the ex- Cadet couldn't analyse his anger, she could now. Y/N just huffed, a pissed off smile on her face as she clutched her stomach.

"You may be fast, midget, but Reiner's weight is nothing compared to that measly kick." She taunted, resisting the urge to stick out her tongue like a child. Levi just looked at her wordlessly, ready to attack fully this time, before a hand gently swung in front of him, stopping him from proceeding. Jean and Reiner watched the whole thing, already praying for the girl. They paced around in a small circle, their hands clawing at their faces as they couldn't decide on whether to feel pity for the girl or feel somewhat proud. Levi knew who it was without looking up, as he was the only person that can control the wild beast of his temper. His foot that was charged back and ready to swing was slowly and reluctantly placed back onto the floor. Y/N looked between the captain, to a taller, blond guy with thick eyebrows who had appeared out of nowhere. The stranger stood beside the captain and the size difference was instantly obvious. The newcomer was almost double the size of the midget next to him and so Y/N had to suppress laughing in front of the captain. He had an unknown look on his face as his deep, murky blue eyes were threatening to pull Y/N into its ocean once the two made eye contact. He dropped his hand to his side as he stared back at Y/N.

"You. What's your name?" He asked, tilting his head slightly in some sort of attempt to figure out the girl who dared to challenge the captain. A green medallion was tied up at his neck, swinging at his chest. He too wore the wings of freedom, though with slightly different apparel to Levi beside him. She had no clue about who these people were, but she didn't care to find out. She already knew who the dwarf was, and that was enough. She looked back at Reiner and Jean, who was staring at the blond male with looks of fear and confusion painted on their face. Y/N slowly turned her gaze back to the guy standing in front of her.

"Y/N." She grumbled shoving her hands deep into the pockets as her eyes glanced from the ground back to the taller male. She noticed that he had some defined cheekbones and a very masculine jawline. He looked his age, unlike the man standing beside him. Erwin raised his eyebrows slightly at her attitude but dropped it.

"Are you a cadet here, Y/N?" He questioned, his blue eyes glancing at the swords with a shield logo that was embroidered on her leather jacket. Y/N huffed at the question, finding it ironic. 'Who are you to question me?' She thought in her head, sour. The number of questions the stranger was asking was already getting on her nerves.

"Used to." She sighed, glaring at the man in front of her. The male looked at Levi, who was frowning, and the pair exchanged gazes that Y/N wasn't able to decipher.r Levi reluctantly nodded and turned on the heels of his feet, leaving the pair alone as he walked off to the training grounds. He had business with the Commander of the cadets. The stranger, on the other hand, took an instant interest in Y/N. He looked at the pissed off look on her face, which reminded him of someone, and realized that he forgot to introduce himself.

"Ah, I forgot. I'm Erwin Smith, leader of the Survey Corps," He stated, his voice deep and silky. Y/N rolled her eyes, not really taking note of introductions; the girl had enough of them. The fact that he was the leader of the Survey Corps made Y/N blink a couple of times, however. 'What is someone like him doing here?' She wondered, her eyes scanning for anything that could answer her questions. The Survey Corps was a regiment that went beyond the walls on expeditions, and so the Commander of the regiment visiting the Cadets made her suspicious. But she didn't care as much as she would have before. She was going to the farms anyway.

"Say, Y/N, have you decided on what regiment you'll join?" Erwin pressed on. Y/N groaned at the question. Commander or not, he sure was annoying.

"Can't you hear me? Do you have shit plugged in your ears? I told you that I'm no longer a cadet. I'm going to the farms!" She shouted, directing all her anger to Erwin. She knew, deep down, that it was wrong of her to do that, but she needed to vent all her pent up anger as her fight with Levi didn't last as long as she had wanted it. Her brain was muddled with thoughts so she wasn't thinking straight, which explained her outburst. Erwin just looked at her, amused, but not showing it. He was extremely good at hiding his expressions after doing it for so many years. 

"Well, Y/N. Tell me why, and I might pull some strings." He said, a small smile creeping upon his face. It's been years since he saw a being full of negative energy like this, which greatly entertained him. Y/N was confused about what he meant before her gaze dropped down. Her hands clenched to fists as she began to shake out of anger for herself. After a few moments of silence, she finally broke.

"I...I don't know. Something about my stamina or something..." She whispered. Her anger was no longer at anyone else but herself. If only she had stuck to herself. If only she had decided to mind her own business. If only. The Commander had told her that it was because she couldn't keep up, but part of her knew that that wasn't her fault. She had two bags on, which slowed her down greatly. If she had one, then she would've easily passed the hike. Sure, she was bad at fighting other people, but she was great at ODM gear, which was what she needed to protect the walls.

Jean and Reiner had suddenly gained a gut feeling that if anyone in power was going to hear them, it would be the infamous Commander Erwin. Jean was the first one to step up, staying silent for the whole conversation. He walked over to the two with Reiner tagging along.

"Sir, if I may," Jean started, taking place beside Y/N as he looked straight at the Commander. Erwin raised an eyebrow at the sudden intrusion but didn't say anything against it. The new, polite Jean took this as permission to carry on his argument.

"Y/N helped me during training. When I was falling behind, she grabbed my bag and carried it for me, as well as dragging me along. She then fell back and collapsed from the exhaustion. Please, can you change the Commander's mind, and let her become a cadet again?" Jean begged. The Commander of the Survey Corps was his last hope to try and get Y/N back onto the cadets. If Y/N wasn't able to come back to training, then how was he able to ever pay her back? How was he going to scout her out? Y/N glanced at Jean and paused. She then sighed and shook her head. In her eyes, there was no need for Jean to wring his neck out for her. She was about to interrupt before the Commander had cut in.

"Well, Captain Levi has already gone to speak to Keith about the recent titan invasion, but, I could use some help within the Survey Corps." He said in quite a smug tone, turning the invitation to Y/N. Y/N was shocked at the offer, especially as it was coming from the Commander of the Survey Corps himself. However, Y/N wasn't ready.

"What, no! I...can't face them again." She ended in a whisper, memories of her brother's gruesome death coming back to her, and how useless she was. She gulped, feeling her hands clamming up. Erwin just shrugged at the sight.

"Suit yourself. Hopefully, I get a taste of the sweet crops you'll be growing." He said nonchalantly, turning his back on the three. Jean just looked at him, his mouth wide open as he was speechless at how the whole thing went down. He had only wanted Y/N to be a cadet again, and not go straight to death's door with the Survey Corps. Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, watching as the Commander slowly walked away. The cogs in her mind spun frantically as any hope of staying was slowly walking away. She clenched her teeth after a few moments, not wanting to go down this route, but not having any other sort of plan. If this was the way she was able to serve, then so be it.

"FINE! I'LL DO IT!" She yelled loud enough so that Erwin could hear. He stopped and looked back at the angry yet determined girl whose fists were balled, her nails digging into her palms.

"I'LL JOIN THE SURVEY CORPS." She shouted, glaring at the Commander for putting her into a tight spot. He huffed, cracking a smile, before nodding his head towards the direction he was heading, wanting her to follow him. Y/N's eyes widened, before looking back at the agape Jean and Reiner. She didn't let them speak as she swiftly pulled them into a giant hug, which the two boys immediately returned. The feeling of nostalgia washed over her as she tightly clung onto them.

"Thank you, thank you. For all you have done. If I don't die out there, I'll find you, no matter what. That's a promise." She whispered, talking to the both of them. She bit her lip to not cry. Her eyes were glassy as she didn't want to let go of their warm embrace. This was their swift and unexpected parting. She figured that she may never see them again as they were going their separate ways. Eventually, she broke it, already missing them as she ran for Erwin, not looking back. The two just stood there in silence, watching their friend leave them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> right-y so i changed the story slightly. i don't think i could've proceeded with how it was heading in, so i changed it. to clear any possible confusion up;  
> basically, y/n was recruited for the survey corps for having the determination and inner hatred that erwin liked. it reminded him of past levi, and look how he turned out. if y/n rejected his offer, she would've gone to the farms. also, there's currently a titan invasion (which i know happens after the evaluation, but then if it hadn't happened, levi and erwin wouldn't have come to seek keith for recruits and such.)  
> any questions, feel free to comment! i hope that i haven't changed erwin's character too much from the canon.


	10. Blissful Ignorance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 28/12/20

Erwin and Y/N leisurely walked across the training grounds to catch up with Levi who was speaking to Keith. Cadets that were previously working on their ODM gear training watched the pair intently with curiosity. Unlike Y/N, most of the cadets knew who the infamous Commander Erwin was, some even joining the cadets to work under him. Though, he had been criticised heavily for his 'risky' operations and gambling the lives of the soldiers who were loyal dogs to him. Commander Erwin himself was a very complex situation; people either supported or hated the man and no one could settle the dispute. Meanwhile, Y/N was already regretting her choice of joining his regiment. She didn't want to see the titans again, as they only brought back the dreaded memories of her brother. Besides, the very look of the giants caused fear to run down her spine - she doubted that she wouldn't even be able to go near them without having a heart attack. She joined the cadets to work in the Garrison Regiment; a force that doesn't live on the edge like the Survey Corps but doesn't live a comfortable life such as the Military Police. They were in charge of securing the walls and perimeter, so in her eyes, the job was easy enough. She wanted to continue her brother's legacy - but she had already failed. She prayed that her brother wasn't judging her from up above. As thoughts of the titan's swarmed her mind, questions also poked through. She peered up at Erwin, biting her lip as she felt anxious with her superior. Clearing her throat, she began her interrogation.

"Uhm, Sir, may I ask why you chose me to join the Survey Corps? I haven't even gone through evaluations yet." She asked, cringing at herself for being so polite despite cursing out the man earlier. Now that she had signed herself up for immediate death in the Survey Corps, she needed to get her attitude straight. Erwin looked down with his bright blue eyes, so easily entertained by the younger recruit. He exhaled through his nostrils before replying.

"I'm going to be honest with you. The Colossal Titan has appeared once more, causing mayhem and terror in Trost. There's been a recent invasion, and with our numbers, we needed more soldiers to help out. Besides, I personally recruited you because you remind me of Levi." He bluntly said, recalling the memories of the rebellious Levi in his younger, underground years. Though Y/N should've been satisfied with his answer, only terror struck through her at the mention of another invasion. She wore a blank look on her face, knowing that she was supposed to risk her life for humanity, the greater good, yet she hated the idea of fighting the titans again. Selfish as she was, she couldn't bring up the idea of seeing the giant bastards again.

"I...can't." She feebly said, her hands trembling. At the sight of her fear, she quickly shoved her hands inside of her creme hoodie pockets, hiding them. However, it was useless as Erwin already spotted her terror. He pursed his lips into a thin line, horribly at comforting people. The male was a great motivator, and an incredible orator, though he didn't speak to his soldiers personally - only those who he absolutely trusted. When it came to persuading soldiers to charge into immediate death, Erwin was the man.

"You could always go to the farms." He offered, almost mocking her. Almost. Erwin just decided to go back to his usual Commander ways, as the two had nearly finished their walk. They were busy with their thoughts that they walked in silence, Y/N being comfortable with that. She was so preoccupied with the idea of rewatching the terror from 3 years ago that she was completely absorbed in her thoughts. The pair had caught up with Levi, who was in the middle of discussing something with Keith. A tap on her shoulder reeled her back into her reality as she slowly looked up and met the knowing eyes of the Commander silently reassuring her. Her distress was visible to anyone who had cast their eyes on her, and Erwin didn't really want to have to deal with a scared soldier just yet. Y/N dropped her gaze before soluting the Captain and Commander Keith, glancing at the two expectantly. Y/N subtly glared at the scrawny Captain, who tsked at her behaviour. The mere sight of him made Y/N beyond annoyed.

'Me? Reminds Erwin of him?' She thought to herself, disgusted with the thought as she twisted her face into a frown. In her opinion, the two were nothing alike - he was short, pale, a prick, and had no respect for those around him. He just trampled over people with ease and had enough attitude to silently choke someone with it. However, in Erwin's eyes, they were almost the spitting image of each other. The resemblance was uncanny, especially their anger.

"...the top 10 members of my group. That's how much I'm willing to spare." Keith grimly told Levi, who rolled his eyes. 10 people were not nearly enough to fight the titans with.

"Hey old man-" He was about to deject, taking a step towards the Commander of the Cadets, but Erwin managed to cut in before the smaller male could bark at the other.

"That's fine. Who would they be? I'll get them myself as I have to leave immediately." The Commander calmly told Keith, who glanced at Y/N by the blond's side. Levi took no notice to her at first, but once he caught her gaze, he quickly looked to the side, refusing to acknowledge the subordinate. Y/N was totally fine with that - she didn't have the energy to argue with the Captain. When Keith looked back at Erwin, he gave him a questioned gaze but the latter didn't understand. Or rather, ignored his quiet questions.

"Mikasa, Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, Eren, Jean, Marco, Connie, Sasha, and Krista." The solemn male listed off without any pauses. Though they hadn't even had the evaluation, he was 100% sure that those were the top 10 within the cadets. A slight bitter taste dwelled into Y/N's mouth as she didn't hear her name, realising that she wouldn't have even been given the choice of going into the Garrison regiment. Nevertheless, she shook away those feelings of envy and pettiness, reminding herself that there are lives on the line with the recent invasion and that there was something bigger than the results. Amongst the negative feelings that she had cast away, she also felt proud for her friends making the top 10, though she couldn't help but fear for them. She knew that Jean hadn't seen the titans first hand, so this would be his first time. The thought made her sick to the stomach as she felt somewhat sorry for the male. The rest of them had, so they knew what the titans were capable of.

Amid the silence that had settled after the list of names, a soldier had jogged over to the group of 4, Y/N noticing him first. The others took notice after a bit as the soldier saluted the superiors and spoke.

"Bertholdt's been admitted to the infirmary, sir. Said he had a weak stomach." The unknown cadet reported, before saluting and dismissing himself immediately. They didn't want to stick around for too long. Though that was technically not allowed, Keith was too busy being enraged that he didn't notice that the boy left.

"Without my permission? The guts of that boy." He said, referring to Bertholdt, gazing back at Erwin. Y/N's eyes widened upon hearing Bertholdt's name. She hadn't seen him for a while, and so, she at least wanted to visit before she left for the battle.

"Looks like you're a cadet down then," Keith grumbled reluctantly, shaking Y/N out of her thoughts involving Bertholdt. Erwin didn't mind, as he still had 10 cadets which included Y/N.

"Thank you for your time. We'll be going now." He nonchalantly said with a calm tone. The male couldn't stay for too long - he had the battle to take charge of. The group of three turned around and walked away from the cadet trainer, who just silently watched them dispart, wondering why Y/N was with the Commander of the Survey Corps. Though they were both technically on the same rank as Commander, it was obvious that Erwin had a higher superiority to Keith, and so he didn't question why one of his ex- Cadets was latched by his side. As they made their way near the exit of the training grounds, where multiple horses were stationed, the Commander's being white, Levi and Erwin once again silently exchanged glances. A pause settled between them amongst their silent conversation, which was disrupted by Levi's sigh. The male started to grumble about how he was being treated like a footman as he ran off the other direction. Y/N watched the whole thing, reluctantly admiring the amount of trust there was between the two men. The two being able to converse in silence struck Y/N with awe, wishing that she was able to do that someday. That is if she wasn't eaten by a titan. Erwin turned back to the girl, the stallions nearby neighing at the sight of their riders.

"As soon as Levi returns with the cadets, we'll be leaving," Erwin said without any sign of fear. His face was blank and a mystery to be solved.

'Looks like he's been through this too many times.' Y/N noted in her head, before walking up to the nearest horse. Though she hadn't ridden one, she was forced to learn how to now. She stepped onto the leather foothold and kicked her leg round, mounting onto the tamed animal. The fact that the horse didn't try to buck her off and stayed in absolute stillness impressed Y/N. She gasped in amazement, giggling at the new feeling. Being so high up exhilarated her, especially as she was now on an animal. She met gazes with Erwin, who stood next to his white stallion and watched the Cadet. The pair looked gorgeous together, amazing the cold Y/N. She grinned slightly to the Commander, who gave a small smile back and mounted his horse. Y/N looked away from the Commander and up at the grounds in front of her. She saw the cadets undergoing multiple exercises, oblivious as to what's happening in the world. Some part of her wished that she was one of them, ignorant and blissful. Though, she knew that their time would come soon. 

With her stretched out view, she saw Levi running towards the pair with 9 other cadets following behind him, a mixture of looks on their faces. She spotted Reiner, who had a dark expression painted on his manly features as he jogged beside Jean and Eren, separating the two.

'Seems like he's the same.' She thought, her heart dropping at the sight. Y/N shook her head. She knew that this wasn't the time to worry about others, as they were about to go into war with the titans. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo, we finally hit 10 chapters. oh god. i'm not even halfway through s1 yet, and i want to go up to s3, perhaps s4 aswell. ;-; would you guys like a (very) long novel? or do you wanna stop after s2?


	11. The Charge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 30/12/20

Without a word, the top 9 cadets effortlessly mounted the horses waiting for them under the command of Levi. The whinnies and neighs of horses were heard, with the occasional stamps of their metal hooves. Y/N looked around silently. It was like the world was already ending with the pin-drop silence between the cadets, which made her on edge. Grim looks were on the cadets' faces, no matter how hard they try to conceal their emotions. The only ones who remained calm were Erwin and Levi, the only ones who had prior experience with dealing with the titans. The sound of someone getting on their horse drove Y/N back to the front as she subtly glanced at her side. Next to her was Captain Levi himself, looking straight ahead. His straight back made him seem taller than he actually was, which amused Y/N briefly. The male, out of the blue, interrupted Y/N's staring session by mumbling:

"You'll pay for your attitude, brat." With a cold glare when he turned his head towards her. She met his steel eyes, the two not losing eye contact with one another. Y/N silently mocked him in his face as she gave him a dirty look. She had no respect for the short man whatsoever. If he was a prick to her, she would return it. Besides, it wasn't like she was as scared of him as she was with Keith. Her previous commander was able to shape anyone ready for war with his harsh punishments and various insults. The mere glare of his eyes gave anyone chills. Tired of looking at the older man, the girl turned back to Erwin. Her nerves had somewhat settled as Levi shortly took her focus away from the invasion. However, Erwin's voice brought her back to the current situation.

"Y/N, you stay by Captain Levi. Levi, show her the ropes. You'll be working with her." Erwin stated as he climbed onto his stallion, grabbing the reigns attached with ease. The girl went sour with the command - she already detested the male enough. Levi did not comment, but she had a gut feeling that he was silently cursing her. Y/N followed Erwin's lead as she too grabbed the reigns. Completely inexperienced with riding horses, she had to guess everything and go with the flow. She tightly clutched the leather straps, her breath hitching.

"THIS WILL BE YOUR FIRST TIME FIGHTING THE TITANS, SO I UNDERSTAND IF YOU ARE NERVOUS. HOWEVER, WE CANNOT ALLOW OURSELVES TO BE DRIVEN BY FEAR. FOCUSING ON THE GOAL TO ERADICATE THEM WILL HELP YOU KEEP CALM. IF WE FAIL, THERE'S A SURE CHANCE THAT HUMANITY WILL BE FORCED TO THE EDGE OF EXTINCTION, SO DEVOTE YOUR HEARTS TO THE CAUSE, AND SUCCESS OF THE HUMAN RACE!" Erwin suddenly yelled, breaking the seemingly peaceful silence that was caused by tension. Y/N heard quiet flinches from Sasha and Connie, who looked like they didn't want to be here one bit. Jean looked petrified out of his mind as he mumbled incoherent words to himself. Meanwhile, Reiner looked devastated, like he had already given up. The fact that a total stranger was asking the group to devote themselves to the cause baffled Y/N, and she was sure that others felt angered by the request too, but no one spoke up. No one wanted to be here but were too cowardly to leave. Erwin made it seem that there was only one choice, and that was to fight.

"Hey, if you make it out alive, at least you can say that you fought them." Levi attempted to joke after a few moments of piercing silence, but his monotonous voice that was devoid of any emotion made it hard to laugh at. 

"ODM GEAR WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU WHEN WE GET TO BASE. I'M SURE THAT ALL OF YOU ARE EXTREMELY TALENTED, EVEN WHEN SUMMONED AT SUCH A NOTICE. AS SOON AS YOU GET THE GEAR, HOLD BACK THE TITANS LONG ENOUGH SO THAT THE CITIZENS CAN ESCAPE. NOW, MY WARRIORS, RAGE!" He shouted, swinging his arm out which signalled everyone to start pouring out of the training grounds, out of their mini paradise, and into the depths of hell. With a swift tug on the reign, Erwin led the group onto the field. The horses immediately followed, speeding out of the grounds. Dust clouds formed at their feet by their speed and Y/N started to get scared.

'Why are we sacrificing ourselves to save people who we don't know? Who will never know us, if we die for their freedom? Fuck, I'm petrified. Why am I doing this?' She started to question everything that she had ever done, all the choices that led her up to this moment. Her jaw tightened in anger and disbelief whilst her knuckles lost colour by holding the reins too hard.

'Perhaps if I had just let the captain go, I wouldn't have been in this situation.' She thought. The sounds of metal hooves clanking on the ground distracted her temporarily, as the occasional bit of dirt flew up into the air. The base which Erwin spoke of was close to the walls of the invasion and was placed on top of the entrance to the city. The distance between the great city of Trost and the cadet grounds weren't too large as Y/N had previously travelled it by wagon. As they went past luscious fields of green, stretched beyond the horizon, Y/N tried to recall all of her prior knowledge that she had learnt about the titans. She knew how to slice the titan's weak point, the nape, and had previously cut down numerous dummies, but that was all training. The harsh reality was that she had never fought them, so she was fighting in the dark. With zero experience and not even part of the top ten of the class, Y/N had no idea what was expected of her. She was only there because of her drive - but what would drive do if she got caught into the hands of a titan and be ultimately ripped apart and devoured? The thought made her turn her head back and gaze at Reiner, the memories of the titans flooding back. Their eyes met, Reiner, giving Y/N an uneasy and fearful smile. 

'How the hell am I going to manage if someone as skilled as Reiner is shaking in his boots?' She thought to herself as she returned the fake smile, looking back at the front. Reiner's uneasiness was enough to influence Y/N's behaviour, which she couldn't allow. A few moments passed before she caught sight of her new Commander, at the front of the pack. Erwin's blond hair waved in the air at the force of the horse sprinting and somehow made him more majestic than he already was. For a brief while, Y/N was shocked at how composed the Commander was until she realised that it was unlikely that he would join the fray. Y/N's daydreaming of the commander was cut short as smoke wafted in the air, blocking the cadets' eyesight and airways. Y/N was immediately thrown into a coughing fit as she covered her mouth with her hand, almost choking for pure air. Tears brimmed her eyes as she inhaled the scent of burnt leather and fire. The fumes felt suffocating in her chest. Y/N was too busy trying to get her mind off of things that she hadn't realised that they were now riding alongside the walls, in the territory of the titans.

The team arrived deep into Trost, where the city was usually bustling. However, it was chaos. Rubble that was kicked from the wall by the Colossal titan had scattered across the city, fire blazing and people screaming. Titans varying in sizes wandered into the homeland of many, searching for their next feast. It was 3 years ago, all over again. As soon as the sudden smoke thinned, Y/N simply looked around the ruins of the city, unable to say anything. She just absorbed her surroundings as she watched her home of 3 years shatter before her eyes. Up ahead, alongside the safety of the wall, the base which would supply the cadets with ODM gear was spotted.

"ALL TROOPS, GET TO THE BASE AND GRAB YOUR EQUIPMENT," Erwin yelled, descending into the thick, murky fog of the dangerous smoke that had surrounded the group once again. Everyone had no choice but to follow the white stallion that led them into battle, though they could barely see where they were going. Y/N tugged on the reigns to try and accelerate the horse but noticed that her hands were trembling out of fear. 

"Fuck." She murmured. The girl couldn't do anything to soothe her worries, so she just blocked her mind in an attempt to separate herself from reality. All background noises disappeared completely, as Y/N experienced a slow-mo of sorts. With the city ablaze and half of it disintegrated into rubble, it looked nothing like as to what she migrated to in her desperate attempt of an evacuation a couple of years back. There were little signs of citizens along the road in which the team were travelling down, which gave Y/N slight hope that they weren't late, but it still didn't calm her down. She knew that, as long as there was a huge hole in the wall surrounding Trost, that titans should've appeared, but the thick smog that had concealed both titans and humans didn't allow any sort of vision.

"... Y/N. Y/N. Y/N!!" A voice which got louder at every word dragged Y/N back to hell. It was Reiner, who had slightly sped up to catch up to the frazzled girl, riding side by side. She looked at the male, opening her mouth to say something before something else grabbed her attention. She gazed up, only a few centimetres, and froze. Her eyes widened, letting out an ear-piercing scream in fear as her heart dropped to her stomach. With the fog thinning every so often, it was difficult to really see what was happening. However, what was behind Reiner was as clear as day. A 9-meter titan, an arm's length away. It was so close that the male could almost touch it, it's body piercing the smoke and making itself as visible as it could. The titan, which was long and skinny with a narrow face structure, stared down at the team, before stretching out one of its hand in Reiner's direction. It seemed as though it only noticed the humans after Y/N brought its attention to them, as it paused. Reiner, confused, looked up. His hair that cleared his forehead made sure that he saw the whole, large hand slowly descend onto both him and his horse. The sight didn't appear to click into his mind quick enough as his reaction time was slow.

With an adrenaline rush and no time to think it through, Y/N leaned across her horse and aggressively pulled Reiner away from his, before dragging him onto the back of hers. It was just in time as the titan clutched the horse by mistake, crushing it in its palm by accident before letting go. The others just watched in fear as the horse's corpse rolled down the stone path that they were travelling on, their food threatening to return, before looking back at Erwin. The adult seemed to have taken no notice of the titan as he simply continued with his charge towards the ODM gear.

"COMMANDER! TITAN!" Sasha simply yelled with urgency, whipping the leather reigns so that she could go faster to get closer to the Commander. As the titan slowly began to chase after them, crawling on all fours towards the group on horseback, Y/N focused on Reiner. His back was slouched as he clutched onto Y/N's torso like his life depended on it, resting his forehead on her shoulder. He had small grey iris', and his skin was as pale as a milk bottle. Reiner's mouth was agape, not being able to process what had just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there's anything that doesnt make sense, please do ask! i wrote this on a phone, so there may be some spelling errors, or plot holes.


	12. Bittersweet Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 30/12/20

Y/N looked from the commander's back, to Reiner. She glanced over her shoulder a couple of times, watching him briefly before turning back to the group. A few times, she caught eyes with Jean who stared at Reiner with a mixture of pity and fear. The screams of agonised civilians and the hooves clanking with stone immediately made it so that the two wouldn't be able to have a proper conversation, so they resorted to silence. Jean shot Y/N a look once he caught up with her, to which she shook her head. Jean nodded, understanding, before gently pulling back on the reins and slowing down. Y/N exhaled sharply through her nose, her fear creeping up from behind. Catching Reiner from his near-death experience shook her to the core and increased her worry for the male - especially once he started to mumble. She took his airy words as a good sign as someone who had gone through their silent phase, but it still gravely concerned her. Glancing at the reins which were almost engraved into her palm from her pressure, she gently let go of them with hesitancy. She paused for a moment, watching as the horse continued sprinting along with the herd. Y/N sighed out of relief once she felt safe that they wouldn't go off track, and turned her undivided attention to Reiner. Awkwardly turning her body to face him properly, she placed her hand on the back of the boy's head, ruffling his hair gently. He continued to lean onto her shoulder, so there wasn't much comforting Y/N was able to do.

"Reiner? Reiner are you okay?" She asked as quietly as she could, trying to overtake the background noises. Reiner attempted to reply, but his voice faded in with the atmosphere. Y/N pursed her lips as she shakily exhaled, watching his lips move.

"Oi, cadet. Give him to me. We got bigger things to worry about." The cold voice snapped Y/N out of her brief thoughts as Captain Levi rode beside her. Leaning forward, grasping the reins, Levi stared at Y/N expectantly. His hair waved in the wind as his eyes temporarily glanced around before settling back onto the cadet next to him. However, Y/N didn't want to let go of him just yet. Not after what had just happened. She quickly glanced back to the front, the base in sight and only a few metres away. The so-called base was a frail wooden structure with a stone slab beneath it, that had the ODM gear on top of it. It looked poorly made, though Y/N couldn't complain. The group had finally emerged out of the smoke which had previously intoxicated their lungs and temporarily blinded their vision. Y/N reached out for the reins with one hand before grabbing it. With her right hand, she tightly held Reiner by her side and looked back at Levi.

  
  


"No. We just arrived anyway." She said, firmly declining his command. She wouldn't have trusted the male with Reiner anyway. Levi looked at the base in front of the team and tsked, his voice being carried away by the swift sprinting of the horses. Soon enough, Erwin began to finally slow down, despite having gone closer towards the gaping hole in the wall. Once they had come to a firm stop, everyone swiftly jumped off of horseback, Y/N lagging as she had to drag down the muscular and heavy boy. The soldier barely caught him by his underarms, groaning at his weight. Wasting no further time, she dragged his almost limp body to the thick stone slab underneath the tower made out of wooden planks. There she saw multiple sets of ODM gear patiently waiting for them. The base was at such an unusual location that Y/N felt like the Commander wasn't taking any of this seriously. 

As she heaved Reiner to the base, she felt that the weight of the boy was raised aloft, a small groan slipping from Reiner's lips. She paused and saw him suddenly standing, his hand on his cheek. The pair made eye contact briefly until Reiner cracked a small smile. Y/N's body relaxed, her eyebrows creasing as she pulled him into the toughest hug she could do. Her hands rested on his muscular back before Reiner returned the affection, snaking his hands around Y/N's lower waist. The girl pushed her ear on his chest, the sound of his fast heartbeat thumping reminded her that he was still very much alive. Her eyes teared up as his warmth drowned out all of her worries for him, though she bit her lip as she prevented herself from showing weakness. Y/N was just glad that he was better.

Meanwhile, the cadets grabbed the spare ODM gear that laid on the stone, watching the pair with perplexed looks on their faces.

"Do you think that they're going out?" Conny whispered to Sasha, looking at Reiner and Y/N as he leaned into his best friend's ear. Though they were in tough times, humour instantly cheered both of them up. Sasha snickered at Conny's stupid question. However, Jean, who had walked behind the comedic duo as he adjusted the leather straps fastened around his hip, paused at the interaction. Rolling his eyes, he took a couple of stealthy steps towards the pair, a pissed off smile on his face as he placed both his hands on each of their shoulder.

"Hey, dumbasses. Literal titans are crawling about this place, eating people and slaughtering innocents, and that's what you're wondering about? Get a grip before I kick your asses." He said in a deep, gravelly voice, scaring the two as they flinched and quickly got back to work, frantically adjusting their silver canisters. Watching Sasha and Connie pretend to be doing work made Jean wonder why he was so worked up over the harmless question, or why his chest began to pain.

Once Reiner and Y/N finished their embrace, the two each grabbed their ODM gear and attached it around their waists without a word. Though they were both slightly behind the group, Y/N didn't care. She was more than relieved that Reiner was okay, and focused on his safety. The new objective gave her a distraction to the fact that titans were swarming the town. As soon as everyone was geared up and ready to go, they anxiously awaited for Erwin's dismissal, which came shortly after. Erwin gave the command to go protect the civilians, their lives taking the utmost priority, and to try and drive the titans away. 3 years ago, Y/N was one of the helpless children that had encountered the first titan invasion in 100 years. Now, she was on the front lines, trying to save as many lives as possible. Immediately the soldiers got to work, attaching their grappling hooks to the nearest, stable building and using their gas to propel themselves into the air. Y/N was about to follow them, desperate to start, until someone tugged on her hand.

"Stay...stay by my side." Reiner weakly said, his usual mentality still not fully recovered after almost dying. Y/N nodded before the gaze of someone caught her eye. She glanced at Levi who watched her, his icy eyes not revealing anything. Though she was instructed to stay by his side and 'learn the ropes,' she refused to stick by the man. Her friend was her utmost priority, and she figured she would face the consequences after the mission. That is if she still was alive. Staring Levi in his eyes, Y/N turned back to Reiner and openly disobeyed the male further.

"Always. Now, let's go kick some ass." She said with a grin, before using her ODM gear to attach to a standing house in front of her and flew into the wind. Levi watched as she propelled into the air, curious, before jogging off and following Erwin's order himself. Now that she was shortly in the air, she had a bird's eye view of the level of destruction caused by the titans, as well as the number of the humanoid monsters. There wasn't as much blood painted on the streets as she had expected, but there was the stain of red nonetheless; either underneath crushed rubble or the dismantled, half-eaten corpses. Her breath hitched at seeing the titans again as they mindlessly wandered around, looking for any source of food. Y/N firmly landed, taking a couple of steps onto the roof of a building, cautious. She peeked back and saw Reiner surveying the area until his face twisted into a frown. 

"Shit. There's a giant wagon blocking the evacuation route. What the-" He croaked out, pointing it out as Y/N followed his gaze. As soon as she spotted it, Y/N felt sick. Though she was far a from the commotion, she instantly knew what was happening. The wooden wagon that was full to the brim and had a white sheet cloth over the unknown pile inside of it, was blocking one of the limited escape routes out of the city. A small, fat man and a handful of helpers tried to help push the wagon out of the gate, but it was simply too large. Swarming the wagon were desperate townspeople, begging to be let through, though their pleas fell onto deaf ears as the man just started to yell. He was lucky that Y/N was far away, as her rage started to bubble up inside of her at the sight. She was about to charge forward, feeling agitated with the selfishness of the rich, filthy man, until a large head distracted her. There was a huge 15m titan en route to the large swarm of its prey. Its hands were awkwardly curled up by its waist as its head bobbed from side to side. Acting like an abnormal, it sprinted straight to the horde of civilians. That was the final straw for the soldier as she sprinted across the roof, red coloured tiles falling at her footsteps as she sheathed her swords from the canisters by her hip.

"Y/N! WAIT!" Reiner called, his voice cracking from the sudden volume as he chased after the angered soldier. However, both of their paces soon slowed down at the sight of the fat giant falling over, face down, with soldiers from different regiments swiftly landing on the ground, including Mikasa who had blood-stained clothes. It was obvious that she was the one who slayed the beast as she stepped off from it's back, the steam from its carcass evaporating behind her. As she headed towards the group near the wagon, Y/N looked away and travelled to other buildings by air, knowing that Mikasa would deal with the wagon. After being friends with her for three years, it was obvious to Y/N that Mikasa would deal with something like the blockade - she was very reliable and reasonable, let alone excellent with ODM gear.

As the sound of her gas filled the air, alongside the wind flooding her sense, Y/N oddly felt at peace despite the dangerous situation. With the high advantage, she started to search for nearby titans, which wasn't a difficult task as she shortly noticed one north-west of her. It was roughly the size of an 8m and just stood in the middle of the part, almost looking like it's daydreaming. She calmly looked back and saw Reiner flying slightly behind her, a small smile on his face before it curled into something else. Y/N raised an eyebrow at his behaviour, before she was suddenly tugged down by one of her arms that were loosely dangling by her hip, her screams filling the air as the sound of her bones getting crushed sent shocks of misery through her. The left side of her torso was snatched by a small titan that she had somehow missed, who had jumped after her. She was dragged down to eye level with the titan, that had a very wide mouth and large face. It wasn't any bigger than a three-meter. Its beady eyes were fixated at Y/N who broke out in a cold sweat, screaming, before she tightened her grip on her sword and sliced the beast's wrist off with her good arm. Luckily, only one arm was trapped in the clutch of the titan, so she was able to hack at the beast with her right hand with ease. She fell to the floor, the palm of the titan breaking her plunge. As she hit the ground, she felt the warm steam from the titan's hand evaporate. Sweat dripped down her forehead as her teeth gnawed together from the distress. Without any further time-wasting, she clamoured onto her knees, and then soon stood up properly. With the phantom sensation coursing through her left side, she swiftly glanced at it to get the injury over and out of the way. Her left arm looked like the life was squeezed out of it, the skin slowly turning pale as it thinned incredibly. Her eyes widened as she realised that she couldn't feel it, nor move it. It was completely limp.

"FUCK!" She angrily yelled out, her sword supporting her as she almost tripped out of shock. Though she was lucky that it wasn't her dominant hand, she still couldn't believe that she had lost the mobility out of one of her hands, as easy as that. The ground soon rumbled as a loud crash occurred behind her, a building caving in as a titan had feebly fallen into it. Reiner soon dropped onto the ground, anger in his eyes as his pale skin was decorated in blood. The anchors of his ODM gear whizzed back into his canisters. He sprinted towards the injured girl, shoving his swords back into the holder by his waist, an aura of emergency and panic flowing from him.

"Y/N! HOLY SHIT. ARE YOU OKAY?" He asked in a loud voice, wrapping his arm around her back as he studied her face. She winced, tears streaming out of her eyes as she concluded that she would never be able to move her arm again. It was a given, with the ruins that it was in. Though she should've been grateful that nothing else from her left side had been injured, her arm was too great of a loss. Her right hand balled into a fist that desperately clung onto Reiner's shirt, shaking as she turned to his warmth.

"Reiner, my left arm. Crushed." She said in a tiny, fearful voice, not bearing to look up at the male. He was at a loss for words as he glanced at the limb, finally noticing how small it was compared to her right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel proud including a hunger games reference. :)))  
> i originally wanted y/n's legs crushed, but i felt like that would be too big of a loss too early on. ;-; and besides, they're human and not a titan shifter, so im not too sure.


	13. 'Til I Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LATEST UPDATE; 3/1/20

Reiner gasped quietly, wanting to embrace the scared and injured girl. However, as he glanced at Y/N's distorted face, he buried his selfish desires and swallowed pity. Before attending to his friend, he scanned the area and listened out for rumbling of any sort. The only thing he saw was the evaporating corpse of the small 5m titan that had nearly ended Y/N's life, it's skeleton showing amid its steam. It had only been a few hours since they were dismissed for the mission yet they had already suffered so much that neither could believe any of this was real. After confirming that they were relatively safe, Reiner proposed the first idea that popped into his head as he focussed his attention to the soldier before him.

"How about we go back to the main base and see if there are any medics around to see if they can have a look at your arm, hm?" He suggested in a gentle tone. He tried to comfort and calm Y/N as much as he could, as he couldn't bear seeing her in such a state of distress. Besides, having a partner heavily injured would falter their progress and bring more casualties. Y/N, still numb from the shock, quickly nodded her head. Any idea was better than none, and because of her twisted feelings, she trusted Reiner with her life. Her weird and unusual infatuation with the male made it easier to comply with the boy, even if they barely knew each other and only talked to one another because of the previous titan invasion and shared traumas. As Y/N trembled lightly, her overwhelming desire to eradicate the bastards roaming the streets droved her to clasp her sword and fight back. She refused to get eaten. Not now, not ever. Even if it meant dying for such an unhonourable cause.

Staggering, she managed to whip through the air and get onto a nearby roof with Reiner right by her side. After a slight pause upon landing, the duo ran across the painted tiles from house to house, dodging the small few titans still wandering around below. With the crushed buildings collapsing onto each other like dominos, the two didn't need to waste gas and use their ODM gear. The mindless giants below took no notice in the cadets as they fumbled their way through the city. Like a hawk, Y/N watched their every step as she leapt through the air and onto the next building. She couldn't afford another foolish mistake like earlier - her numb arm trailing behind her with no control whatsoever reminded her of that. Y/N didn't know what was worse; the fact that she couldn't use it, or that she couldn't feel anything in the limb. Part of her had wished that the titan would've completed the job and bit it off - she hated watching it flap behind her. 

"Look's like everyone has done a good job at cleaning up the place." Reiner suddenly commented as he gazed below at the ruins of the city before knowingly looking back at Y/N. The latter huffed through her nostrils as she returned the look. She knew that he had only said that to disrupt her chain of thinking, though she still grimaced at the sight. Their heavy boots clanked on the tiles underneath them as they stayed in silence, the stench of blood and smoke wafting in the dense air. The grand building stationed at the very peak of Trost soon came into sight, Y/N noticing it in the corner of her eye. Frowning, she turned her head to the front. The large castle-like building painted in white and blue proudly stood on the hill, overlooking the whole of Trost. With cone-shaped rooves and grand, curved windows that were only expensive, Y/N almost faltered at the sight. She immediately knew that it was a place where nobles, who would've escaped at the first sign of the forthcoming invasion, resided. Her stomach dropped as she stared at the brick building with huge double doors and large titans clawing at the base. Multiple, as many as ten, scratched at the surface as they peered through the grand yet thin windows - staring at what Y/N presumed to be helpless soldiers. The whole place was swarmed with the enemy, and if they weren't trying to break into the structure, then they would be wandering just outside of it. 

"Shit. How many soldiers are in there? Is this was Erwin meant by driving out the titans?" She exclaimed to no one, her pace getting slower as she watched the titans pour to the attraction like moths to a flame. She was so preoccupied with the sight that she didn't even spot the few soldiers lingering on the ruins of a house in front. Her eyes flickered from the titan den to her next platform, before realizing that there were people already on it. Her eyebrows creased in confusion and worry as she jumped across to the crumbling structure where the soldiers perched. A couple of soldiers turned their faces at the sound of her boots softly landing on the rubble, catching her gaze. Y/N's eyes flickered from each person - the looks of defeat and horror painted. Silence crushed the group, Y/N's mouth agape at the view. She couldn't believe that there were soldiers already giving up and pathetically lazing around when there was a building under attack. She clenched her teeth, rushing to take a couple of steps forward before a firm calloused hand steadily gripped her shoulder, stopping her in her tracks.

"Reiner..." The girl lowly spoke, not turning back to the male. Reiner didn't lift his hand, nor did he reply. She felt his intense gaze prickling at the back of her neck yet he remained silent. The lack of his response made Y/N even tenser, her jaw tightening though she didn't bother swatting away Reiner's grip. She looked back at the crowd, recognising a couple of faces, including Bertholdt who somehow managed to get away from training. He abruptly stood up as the pair made eye contact, his eyes widening slightly before his gaze softened and a small smile came onto his face. He jogged up to the pair, Y/N's disbelief washing away as he reached the two.

"Oh, thank the Gods that you two are alive! I haven't seen you guys in a while." He said, glancing from Reiner to Y/N. The latter felt Reiner's grip slide away from her shoulder, though she didn't complain. Grinning, she opened her mouth to reply until she quickly closed it, a blond boy catching her gaze. 

"Hey, Bert. Uh, I gotta check up on Armin. He seems... out of it," She trailed off, tapping Bertholdt's chest reassuringly a couple of times as her subconscious was focused on the solemn boy a few meters away.

"But stay alive, okay? There's a lot we got to catch up on. I missed you." Y/N excused herself, finally glancing up at the tall male in front of her. Whilst he nodded slowly, Y/N immediately disparted and headed off to Armin, who crouched by a tall pillar and covered his ears with his small palms. As she jogged over to the male, she recalled seeing a light shade of pink tint Bertholdt's pale cheeks, immediately disregarding it as she reached Armin. Concerned, she slowed down, allowing him space before halting. Gulping, she crouched down to his level and tilted her head, studying Armin's blotched face. As a friend who had spent three years with the boy, she had never seen him as scared as he was at the moment.

"Armin? What's up? Why aren't you with Eren? Didn't you leave with him?" She softly asked. Armin, who hadn't comprehended her presence, flinched at her voice. Slowly, he blinked and looked at Y/N. His eyes flickered to Y/N's distorted arm before rising to meet Y/N's eyes. Tears silently rolled down his porcelain skin, his blue eyes brimming with sadness as his lip quivered. He hiccuped, his hands trembling over his cupped ears. She watched him silently shatter piece by piece, yet he was reluctant to utter anything. He turned his eyes back to his knees that were hugging his chest. Y/N sighed, tired as she only had a handful of people to care about and his silence was choking her.

"Armin, for me to help you, I need answers. What happened out there?" She questioned in a firm, but fair tone, watching him expectantly. Armin just shook his head, refusing to speak at all. The only thing Y/N could presume was that he had experienced something so traumatising that his only resort was to shut down. Frowning, she gave him space as she stood up, dusting herself off. The sound of footsteps echoing made Y/N turn her head over her shoulder as she saw Jean walking over.

"No point in questioning him. He won't talk. Besides, we have bigger problems to think about." Jean said in a deprived, exhausted voice. His eyes shifted to Y/N's stock-still left arm, subtly biting his inner lip, before looking back at the main base as he stood adjacent to Y/N. Smoke from either fire or cannons provided a thin smokescreen, though it did a horrible job at hiding the terror that was the titans, swamping the base. They were still curious with whoever was inside of it - the honeypot taking their attention from the lingering soldiers in Trost. Jean tiredly pointed his finger to the main base.

"Everyone here is out of gas, and we need to refill to retreat. However, titans are swarming the god damn place, and with little to no gas, we're stranded." He said in such a quiet voice Y/N thought he was mumbling. However, she tilted her head as she furrowed her eyebrows in the confusion of the news.

"Retreat? When was that ordered? Are all the civilians out of Trost?" She asked, her questions countless. With her injury, she was thrown out of the loop regarding the mission's progress, and so the hearing of retreat concerned her. Jean's mouth opened a little, as his eyebrows were raised slightly. He paused, studying Y/N's puzzlement as he took a small, deep breath.

"Shit, Y/N. Do you have no idea what's going on? And what the hell happened to your arm?" He asked, smoothly changing the subject with little to no energy to answer questions. If he was budged anymore, he would quickly become snappy. Y/N just shook her head, grimacing as her friend touched a nerve.

"Don't remind me." She muttered, looking around the large rooftop again. Some of her seniors who cowardly wore the Wings of Freedom also looked lost, as they gazed everywhere but from the predicament that was the main base. She turned back to Jean and was about to open her mouth to suggest an idea when the bottom of her leather jacket was gently tugged. The girl's gaze turned over her shoulder and watched as the slightly smaller Armin stared at the ground, his palms folded into fists. His eyes were still as devoid as earlier, though the fact that he was simply standing relieved Y/N. The sight of him almost scared her, as he greatly reminded him of her.

"Eren... and the rest of the soldiers in our group...died in battle." He whispered, his voice quavering as he bit his lip. Y/N's mouth dropped at the sudden news. 'Eren? There are others? Since when?' She profusely thought, shook to the core that others were fighting the same battle as her, yet she didn't even realize that they were with her. Y/N paused with hesitancy before another thought popped into her mind.

'Eren? A whole team? And he's the only survivor? Shit.' 

After a moment of silence, Jean intently watching the cogs in Y/N whir in motion, Y/N spoke the first thing that was suitable enough to say.

"Have you told Mikasa?" She asked in a quiet voice. The closest person in Mikasa's life was Eren, so she didn't know how the skilled soldier would react. The three of them were as thick as thieves and so the death would greatly impact the duo. Armin shook his head, his hand that was clutching Y/N's leather jacket trembling.

"I can't bear to." His voice was so quiet that Y/N began to doubt herself on whether she understood what he was saying. The blazes of fires in the background easily overpowered his small voice, making it even more difficult. Y/N heavily exhaled, her eyes creasing as a frown tugged on her lips.

"You need to tell her someday-" She tried to point out before Armin unexpectedly cut her off.

"I know! I just don't know how to!" He said in a louder voice, grabbing the attention of some soldiers nearby before they knowingly looked away and minded their own business. As soon as the male finished his sentence, the devil herself flew in, the sound of her flying like she was on a zip line and the faint release of thinned gas stopped as she arrived on the rooftop, her heels grazing the ruins. The first people she saw were Armin, Jean and Y/N, Armin cowardly behind the latter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ! heads up - i'll be going on holiday from the 6th of august, meaning that i wont be able to upload for around 2-3 weeks. i'll try to whenever i get the chance, so in the meantime, i'll be doing as many chapters as i can before i leave ! thank you for understanding.


	14. Lost Souls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED: 10/1/20

As Mikasa strode towards the pair, Armin stepped away from Y/N's shadow and stood by her side. The girl gave him a confused look as just a second ago he was trembling behind her like a shy child hiding behind their mother. She heard him take a deep breath, knowing that he was mentally preparing himself to tell Mikasa the news. His attitude changed up quick at the sight of his childhood friend, and Y/N felt relieved that he had the courage to tell the news. They were the closest of friends, so she knew that Armin could be straightforward with her and be able to comfortably grieve over their friend together with each other's support. Though, Y/N wasn't so sure that the two would remain the same. As Mikasa arrived at the trio, the two girls made eye contact and exchanged a brief nod before Y/N suddenly grabbed Jean's wrist and walked away, dragging the confused boy behind her. They would need some time alone, and Y/N didn't want to intrude. Despite his confusion at first, Jean managed to piece together why he was suddenly pulled away as he began to mumble.

"God damn, that suicidal maniac..." before he looked away to the tiles below him. Once Y/N felt satisfied with the distance between the two parts, she stooped and abruptly let go of the male's wrist. The sky was dense and cloudy while the moody atmosphere reflected the negative feelings of the stranded soldiers with grey clouds swirling above them. The whole sky was dark, which worried Y/N slightly. It would dampen the mood and make it hard to see. She glanced from Jean to behind him, at the staggered soldiers. They looked lifeless as they meekly sat and stood around, waiting for something to happen. Some conversed with one another but only in hushed whispers. With little to no gas, they were stranded at the ruins of the structure, yet did not attempt to do anything about it. Y/N sighed as she whipped her head around to the main base, a good distance away from them and with titans enclosing the place. She studied the destination as the cogs in her brain began to spur. With no one seeming to bother, she knew that if she was going to make it out alive, the duty would fall upon her shoulders. Y/N chewed on her lip as she came up with a spur-in-a-moment plan, not knowing any other choice they had.

Her eyes bounced to Jean who was quietly mourning. His head drooped as his whole posture was sluggish, his back facing Y/N. Though Eren's passing hit them both hard, Y/N refused to grieve until after they got out of their predicament. She swerved to face the other soldiers in the group, who were in numerous tinier factions. No one wanted to be left alone since the battle. They couldn't afford to die alone. As she surveyed the area, she nodded to herself whilst pulling out her sword with her dominant hand. 'I can make do with this' She thought.

She didn't have many blades herself, but she still had an adequate amount of gas left in her tank to make it to the main base. As she slowly raised her sword to the sky, pointing it to the heavens above, she received more and more curious gazes. Soldiers who were previously preoccupied with twiddling their thumbs turned their attention to the fighter who tried to grab the interest of many more.

"ALL RIGHT YOU BUNCH OF COWARDS. IF WE'RE GOING TO DIE, WE MIGHT AS WELL DIE IN ACTION RATHER THAN WAITING FOR THE BASTARDS TO COME AND EAT US," She tormented the others with ease. The tense circumstance made it easy for Y/N to pick on them. Even though she knew that there were some of her superiors in the team, most of them being in the Survey Corps, she showed no sign of respect nor formality. If they were going to die, formality didn't make a difference, nor would it save a life. People turned their heads to her, some curious yet most fearful. Jean glanced at her with glassy eyes, sniffing slightly as he started to question her sanity and boldness. Y/N's attention was caught by Mikasa who just wore a solemn, grim face at the news of her last remaining family dying. Y/N was able to sense that Mikasa, although she had no plan on showing it, was breaking inside. The extremely talented fighter unsheathed both her swords as she walked over to Y/N, following her plan without a word. As she stood next to the slightly smaller girl, she looked like a leader - a very pissed off one at that. Even with the sudden death of her lifelong friend, she did not attempt showing her weakness just yet. After hanging out with the three of them for three years, Y/N knew that Mikasa was on board with whatever plan that she had.

"THE PLAN IS TO MAKE OUR WAY TOWARDS THE MAIN BASE, NO MATTER HOW LITTLE GAS YOU HAVE. WE THEN REFILL AND GET OUR ASSES BACK ONTO THE WALL, RETREATING." She yelled after a few moments of silence, turning back to the crowd with judgemental stares. Gasps and protests were heard immediately, people refusing to follow the 'suicidal mission.' The atmosphere seemed much livelier than before, where it was pin-drop silence. Unknown soldiers started to walk towards Y/N in disagreement, though Y/N ignored them with ease. She carelessly dropped her sword down to her side, not caring to try and persuade people to follow her. It was their lives, after all, and she didn't care about most of them. Besides, they might be right in playing the safe game. She tilted her head, before giving one last statement, turning around on the heels of her feet.

"IT'S ALRIGHT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO COME. I'M NOT FORCING YOU TO DO ANYTHING. JUST DON'T EXPECT US TO REMEMBER YOU ONCE YOU'VE BEEN DEVOURED." The girl finished with the loudest voice she could muster. Voices soon filled the roof, as some compliant soldiers got up from their position and jogged over towards the two girls leading the charge. At the edge of the roof was a new, bustling crowd with a fresh goal in mind. Survive. Y/N met the eyes of Reiner, who just gave a small, amused smile as he stood beside her at the edge of the roof. She looked away to talk to Mikasa, who was immediately ready for the word 'go.' The latter was anticipating any sort of action.

"I trust that you can help guide us." She said, nodding. Mikasa returned the nod as she gazed back to the main base. Y/N was about to commence the mission until a sudden hand landed on her shoulder and gently pulled her back. Y/N's eyes flickered to Jean' steel ones.

  
  


"What the hell are you thinking, Y/N?!" He asked, almost looking like he was begging her to stay. His eyebrows were creased in confusion or fear - she didn't know. Y/N opened her mouth to reply, but a voice got there first.

"You heard what she said. If we're going to die, let's do it right." Reiner's deep tone said, loud enough so that doubting soldiers nearby could hear him. Not everyone decided to join the fray, but instead, linger on the roof. He stood between Jean and Y/N, towering the both of them with his height as he clutched both of his swords. A cocky grin cracked onto his face as he caught Y/N's notice. If she hadn't known Reiner, she knew that he would seem like an intimidating guy. Y/N nodded appreciatively when Jean didn't retaliate and turned her gaze to Mikasa.

"Let's go." She simply told her. The other didn't let her finish her sentence as she swiftly used the grappling hooks and flew off into the direction of the main base, whipping through the air already. Y/N sighed with a small smile and immediately followed after her. Sounds of shouts persuading soldiers followed her as her diminishing gas barely let out any noise. Others yelled and cheered as their feet left the roof and they flew through the air on what little gas they had. She felt the warm presence of Reiner nearby whilst the harsh winds knocked at her, giving her an exhilarating boost of adrenaline. With her eyes trailing Mikasa's every move, yet weary of her own, Y/N almost felt peaceful in the sky, but she was cautious as to how long that feeling would last. 

Though Mikasa certainly seemed to have concealed her rage, sadness and grief from showing upon her face, she wasn't able to hide it from her movements in the sky. As the group zoomed down paths between rows of identical buildings Y/N spotted that she was going noticeably faster, twirling in the air as she performed high-level stunts. Y/N was about to call out for her in warning, concerned for her gas, until a titan suddenly appeared where Mikasa had squeezed through and slipped away, it's attention on the upcoming squad. It was easily a 10m, with big eyes and its mouth twisted into a disturbing smile. Its fangs were on display as its skin sagged. Y/N had to be careful as the team followed behind her, flying straight towards the titan. As she was the 'leader' of sorts, she was the first one to encounter the beast, and so, it was her job to eradicate it. She adjusted her grip to her sword so that her blade was pointed towards the ground and raised her arm past her face. She hooked on to the titan's chest and flew past it, before turning her body around so that she went straight for the nape. The titan raised its arm in an attempt to grab any of the soldiers in front of it, but it was too late. As Y/N circled in the air with tremendous speed, she cut through the titan's nape with ease. When she saw it fall face first, evaporating into nothing, she safely adjusted her grappling hooks back onto the houses that were still standing and continued flying above the dirt path.

She perked up and saw that Mikasa was no longer in front of her, nor anywhere in sight. Panicked by her sudden disappearance, she called out the first two names that suddenly came to mind.

"ARMIN, CONNY!" Y/N yelled, her voice carried down the group. The two didn't need any more details to that to know what they were supposed to do - they had noticed her absence as well. The duo flew ahead of Y/N without a word and parted from the group as they dove to the left. All sorts of worries and probabilities of what may have happened to Mikasa flooded her head until an ear ringing scream from behind kicked her out of her distraught state. Without another second, she whipped her head around and her eyes immediately locked onto the multiple titans, all varying in size and appearance, chasing after the team with incredible speed. Y/N' eyes widened as she almost froze out of shock. Though they at first seemed abnormal, it was obvious that they were after the group as they desperately reached out to try and grab anything they could. The rest of the group watched in terror and paralyzing fear as the titans gained speed and were on their heels. Y/N opened her mouth to order commands, but the hunters had already reached the fighters trailing at the back of the pack. They grabbed the 4 members of the group who were just slightly behind the cluster. Immediately after, they screamed for mercy and their life as they tried to wriggle at of their hold. Some were unfortunate enough to be shortly ripped to shreds, though. One made eye contact with Y/N, reaching out for her from beyond the titan's clasp before Y/N turned a corner and no longer saw any of the prey again. Y/N's eyes widened from the sight before she tsked and headed straight for the base, the feeling of overwhelming guilt and regret squirming inside of her and eating her alive. She knew from the deafening silence and they had just lost four members of the temporary guild and wasn't sure if she would get over the fact that she had personally led them to their deaths. 

People who knew the deceased started bursting out in tears as they continued to fly towards the majestic building, leaving behind the remains of their comrades. They screamed their names yet continued flying away from their corpses. Their voices broke as they just sobbed. Others had a look of regret and trauma painted on their face, yet they still carried on and followed Y/N obediently, watching her every move with cloudy eyes. The harsh winds and fading sound of gas filled the silence that Y/N hated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah i feel like my writing is becoming sloppier, so i apologize if it is. ;-;


	15. The Mystery of The Titan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 16/1/21

Whizzing past lingering titans that intently watched the prestigious headquarters, the group made steady progress on their risky journey. Effortlessly, some soldiers sliced the nape of the titans that had posed a threat to the group before halting their journey and taking a break onto a nearby building. Y/N was the first of the pack to land on the many tiles of the rooftop to survey the area once more. Her gas began to thin out on the last stretch of their mission, worrying the soldier deeply. The first thing that Y/N saw was the headquarters, almost immediately, which gave her hope. The team was so close to their destination, taking refuge on the outskirts of the headquarters. The only thing between them was the sea of titans and the vast space. Y/N's eyes glanced to each titan that had their back to her as her brain whirred in thought. She took note that the majority of the were under 7 metres, yet that didn't erase their hostility and danger. Larger, more towering giants, crawled on the castle in an attempt to peek at the prey inside. With the distraction, they were too busy to notice the group anxiously watching from behind. Y/N turned back to the group as she heard the last of the soldiers landing on the small roof. Her eyes flickered from face to face, and it was as she feared. They all depended on her. Worry, trauma and fear that painted their unique features as their judgemental eyes stared back at Y/N, watching for her next move. Y/N gulped, feeling like the pressure of the gazes was enough to squish her. After leading some of her comrades into an agonising, immeasurable death, she couldn't concentrate properly. Y/N felt like the mission was crumbling under her grasp - and they weren't even safe yet. The quiet sobs and tears of a couple of soldiers who cried into their hands brought back into reality. That this was hell.

"Once we get out of here, we can grieve," Y/N said as firmly as she could, taking a step towards the small group that blatantly ignored her words. She paused, staring at the people too busy to cry, and a wave of hopelessness washed over her. What was to come, if she couldn't even comfort her own comrades, of whom she led their friends to death? Her jaw tightened and her tired hand balled up into a fist until she exhaled and it unfolded itself. She looked around at the crowd that had silently swarmed her, each person studying the girl. After a moment, she dropped her gaze, ashamed. How was she supposed to guide these people? Y/N watched as the mourners hiccuped and crouched to the floor, and she opened her mouth to say something - anything. Though nothing came out and her apology lingered in the air.

"It's as you said - let's mourn together after we refill, okay? We're here. Our next aim should be infiltrating the building." Reiner's calming, warm voice appeared out of nowhere, filling the quiet emptiness. Y/N's eyes snapped to his grey ones as he gave her a genuine smile, pulling her out of the silence drowning the girl. Y/N bit her lip, before her eyes dropped, almost angry at herself as she showed the slightest of her vulnerability. The promise which she had drilled into her entire being was broken already, and with nothing defining her, she didn't know how to cope with the weakness she had hidden away for the years. Although, she couldn't focus on her lack of motive. Instead, her anger and self-loathing gave her a new drive, realizing that the mass of fighters was so close to getting out of hell and that they shouldn't be giving up now - that's what cowards do, and she wasn't one. Not just yet.

"You're right." She mumbled as her emotions suddenly changed with the influence of Reiner. She was easily swayed with the simplest of things. Y/N looked back up at Reiner who gave her a brief nod, grinning at her change of mood as he stepped back, joining the crowd of peering and confused soldiers. His warm eyes followed Y/N and never left her for a moment, which gave the girl a rush of goosebumps crawling up her arm. The fighters, perplexed with Y/N's obvious high spirits, stayed silent as they waited for something from the leader of sorts. She was about to tell the team orders with how to rush the titans and break into the majestic castle until something flying in the sky caught her eye. Promptly, she gazed up to the three figures moving in the grey, depressing sky that reflected the moods of the humans below it. As they had gotten closer, Y/N saw Connie's worried yet relieved grin tugging on his lips, with Armin on his back, who had a determined look on his face as he was carried across the sky. Mikasa was also beside them, looking much calmer than she had before when she was dancing across the sky. She stayed close to the pair as she flew. Y/N's eyes lit up at the sight of them, gasping in relief as she jogged over to them, the crowd breaking apart to make room for them. The trio soon landed on the tiles, Connie making a crash landing as he landed on his stomach, groaning as he skidded across the rooftop. Armin, on the other hand, landed fine as he used Connie as protection from the impact. He immediately got off of the male as Mikasa came down with incredible precision. 

"Hey guys you wouldn't believe it, but there's a titan that's going around killing other titans! It's stomping on them and everything! And the best thing about it is that it couldn't care less about us! It completely ignored Mikasa on the floor, and went for the huge bastard in front of it! It was crazy!" Connie exclaimed as he lifted his head from the rooftop, his nose bleeding from the impact of the land. Y/N frowned at the male's injury, although the latter seemingly didn't care about it. Instead, he stood up and excitedly pointed to the said titan that, right on time, just stumbled into Y/N's view. She adjusted her gaze, turning her head with a quiet gasp. It was roughly 15m and had greasy brown hair that fell past its sharp jaw, complimenting its facial shape. With a very toned and muscular figure, it stomped around, it's piercing green eyes locking onto titans that were busy swarming the headquarters. Some of the titans began to notice the incredibly large giant and Y/N's mouth slightly dropped in shock as they began to stumble towards it. It confused her greatly - she was taught that titans usually ignored other titans, and so the hostile energy created between them perplexed the soldier. Suddenly, the said titan gave an animalistic, high pitched scream in fury as it came face to face with a fatter and slightly smaller titan standing in front of it at a distance. Y/N couldn't even blink before the 15m giant charged towards the other, pulling its fist back to it's defined face, and swinging at the beast in front of it. It's footsteps made Y/N's whole body shake, although she was too mesmerised by the abnormal titan that she didn't even notice. As it's large fist made contact with the smaller titan's face, the latter's head came cleanly off, whizzing past the group watching in shock. A loud crash echoed through the city as the head landed into a building, ruining the structure. Y/N's eyes were transfixed on the abnormal titan that walked over to the headless titan standing and, without a single pause, bit into the nape of the titan. Blood gushed out from the nape as the body fell onto its knees, thudding to the ground. A small, crazed smile peered onto the soldier's face. Hope, fear, confusion and curiosity swirled inside of her stomach, almost giving her butterflies at the miracle. She was about to turn back to the group before she was further amazed by the new being. A small titan that bearly reached the titan's ankle speedily raced towards the larger giant. The 15-metre titan looked down, before abruptly swinging its leg back and kicking the small titan miles away effortlessly. Y/N's eyes widened as her mouth dropped. She almost cheered for the titan, though she knew that was risky. Looking at her distracted comrades, she grinned.

"What a beast! Quickly - while it's distracted!" She yelled to the group that stared at the titan in amazement and hesitancy. Unlike Y/N, some people were extremely wary and cautious around the newly found titan. No one had heard of a titan - killing - titan and wasn't sure on what to expect. The very thought of it confused them and seeing it before they made them bewildered and slightly fearful. What would happen to them when the titan eliminated all the other titans? Unsolvable questions echoed in their mind, although they had no choice nor time to think. As they watched Y/N jump off the cramped roof, her grappling hooks attached to the nearby headquarters with Reiner following close behind, dodging the titans, they had no other option but to follow. 

"She's crazy. Crazy!" Jean muttered, cursing himself as he ran off the building and jumped, his fear stammering in his chest. As his grappling hooks attached to the building in front, he accompanied Y/N and flew beside her, resisting the urge to shout at the reckless girl. He glanced at her a couple of times, his worries washing away as he saw her smile tugging on her lips. Her excitement almost infected the male as he had to force himself not to grin. Eventually, everyone swallowed their fears and hesitancy and followed on, jumping from the building with yells. Their gas trailed behind them as the steered clear of the titans, ascending further into the sky. As the flew, hope began to dwell onto the group. 

It wasn't long until they came across several, large windows with arches at the top in a row. They were visibly expensive, but Y/N couldn't care less. Turning her body and sticking out her feet, she covered as much of her face and torso as she could before flying straight into the glass, breaking it with ease. Shards fell into the room as Y/N landed onto wooden floor planks, taking a couple of steps to ease her way into the room. Silence washed over, which immensely worried her. She turned on her heels, panicked with the thought that the other's might've not made it until she saw several feet smashing through the glass. Glass flew everywhere but she was unbothered by that. The appearance of the group rolling into the room, dusting themselves off as they landed into the room made instantly relieved her. For a moment, all was quiet, until cheers erupted. People rushed to hug one another, other's congratulated Y/N and started to praise her leadership skills, and some collapsed to the floor in happiness. Everyone was doing something. Meanwhile, outside, the mysterious titan roared again, it's stomping got fainter as it charged for another titan. Y/N grinned at the sound, almost happy.

Once Y/N's success celebration was over, she flicked any glass shards off of herself and began to look around. She didn't pay much attention to it once she first entered - she was too busy playing with the thought of her comrades dying. White walls made the room seem clean and wooden oak desks were placed around the room, although some were obviously moved about. She spotted some sort of rectangular wall made out of antique wooden coffee tables that only the rich could afford and slowly walked over. As she stopped in front of it, she hesitantly peered over and paused. Inside the box was the corpse of a soldier with their head blown off, the gun next to their lifeless and cold torso with their dead hands clutching it. Beside it was a couple of soldiers frightened out of their mind, shaking as they squealed at the sight of Y/N. The girl grimaced as she caught the gaze of one unfortunate soldier, stared into the eyes of them, her face stone cold. Her chest was heavy and anger boiled her blood. Whilst they were attacked by the titans, fighting to their last dying breath as they watched their comrades get eaten, they were in the safety of the headquarters with their only job being to refill the traumatised soldiers on the front line. As much as she wanted to punch their face and shout at them, Jean surprising beat her to it. His angry footsteps marched over to Y/N as he looked at the pathetic sight in front of her.

Without a word, he roughly grabbed one of them by their collar, bringing them up to his face as he immediately began to rant.

"YOU PIECES OF SHIT. WE'RE DYING OUT THERE AND YOU CAN'T DO YOUR SIMPLE JOB TO HELP US? WHAT ARE YOU, COWARDS? IT'S HELL OUT-" He shouted as he pulled his fist back, ready to unleash his fury on the trembling soldier who had his spit on their face, their eyes tightly closed until Jean was yanked back by Marco, who dragged him away by his underarms. Y/N almost tutted - she was definitely on Jean's side.

"Hey! They've gone through as much as us! There's no reason to shout at them." Marco tried to reason but his pleas fell deaf onto Jean's ears who tried to resist the other's grip, wanting to attack the soldiers in front of him verbally and physically. He tried to claw away from Marco's grip, but the latter was too strong. Jean simply just shouted at the scared, whimpering soldier who was dropped to the floor. Y/N stared at them with cold eyes, before turning to Reiner's warm presence behind her.

"Right, let's...." She trailed off as something abnormally large instantly caught her gaze and made her stop her sentence. There, watching the humans argue through the shattered windows, were two titan's head pressed up against the wall. Their large, green eyes made eye contact with Y/N whose mouth was agape. A sneering smile twisted onto their face as their eyes just looked around the room. Other soldier's caught Y/N's gaze as screams of horror soon flooded the room. Without sparing a moment, soldiers began to rush out, crying as they barged past each other and crawled their way through the only door. No one had noticed the titans as they were too busy recovering from the outside. Y/N was too frozen with fear to run, along with some other soldiers who just stared death in the eye. A heartbeat passed when the hairs on the back of her neck stood up as Y/N continued to remain frigid, until she let out a scream of terror, stumbling back. Her entire being felt chained to the ground as her fear of death began to chew at her.


	16. Bullet to The Eye

Y/N couldn't comprehend what was happening. With Reiner desperately tugging on her left arm, ignoring the fact that she couldn't feel anything from that limb and trying to hurry the transfixed girl, Y/N wasn't able to concentrate on anything. With time achingly slowing down, to the titan's simultaneously opening their mouths, showing off their sharp fangs and slimy large throat, Y/N was staring death in the eye and she was panicking. Her wide, glassy eyes turned to Reiner who seemed to be on the verge of tears himself, beads of sweat rolling down his face as he was shouting incoherent words to try and bring Y/N to her senses. He was begging by that point whilst tugging her body to the door. His eyes were wide, eyebrows creased and his words just fell into the atmosphere as Y/N stared at him. Y/N was always selfish. She had put herself first through everything, only focusing on her being. However, when Reiner forcefully shoved himself into the picture, she caught herself occasionally wondering and worrying about the male - for what reason? She knew that she loved him, but couldn't differentiate between what type of love it actually was. She promised him to be friends after she got over him yet she doubted that would ever happen. All that she knew of her feelings, was that she deeply cared about the boy, and if one of them was going to make it out, Y/N was able to easily make the choice. As she whipped her head around back to the titan's staring back, ready to do something, hesitation overwhelmed her body. The sight of a fist making contact with one of the two titans' cheek made everything froze yet again.

"WHAT-" She yelled, confused and on the edge of having a mental breakdown as she stared at the fist that easily pushed the hungry titan's away from the building with one swift blow. The girl watched as the grey sky soon came into view with the two titans flying into buildings close by. The unknown abnormal titan stomped its way into view, it's long hair covering the side of its cheek. Its green eyes stared straight ahead, pausing, before rushing past the shattered windows and out of sight. Connie was right - it didn't pay attention to the scared humans close by. 

"Y/N LETS GO! PLEASE!" Reiner yelled, grabbing her attention once again. Y/N looked back, nodding swiftly with a gulp. She wasn't sure what she had just witnessed, or if she could ever explain it, but she mentally praised and thanked the titan that she could live another day. The girl grabbed Reiner's hand with her right hand, tightly clutching it as the two of them ran out of the room that still contained lingering soldiers she could no longer care about. Y/N sniffled, carelessly wiping her tears with her left shoulder as she tried to get over what had happened. The girl was so overwhelmed that everything came crashing down. The near-death experience shook her to her core, much more than actually being in the grasp of a hungry titan, and the fact that Reiner stayed by her side made her feel immense guilt. The male, who was behind the girl as they made their way down a set of marble stairs, abruptly stopped. Y/N felt his halt, as she looked up at the male with her tears streaming down her cheek. She didn't let go of his hand just yet. 

"What- what are you doing?" She asked, confused by his sudden stop. The male silently stared at her, his gaze soft. Y/N noted the red hue under his eyes as he took a couple of steps down and closer towards her. The soldier was perplexed and desperately wanted to get as far away from the room as possible, but she had no other option as to wait for Reiner. Y/N's eyes raised once he stopped at a step above hers.

"I know this isn't the appropriate time, but-" He shakily opened his arms and softly wrapped them around Y/N's body, pulling her closer to him and rested his cheek on her head. Y/N hesitated, before burying her head into his chest and slowly placing her hands on his back. She stood like that for a moment, before the warmth and caring aura of the male's hold broke her to pieces. Y/N's eyes teared up as she hiccuped sobs. She got closer to the male, her hands grasping his shirt and balling the fabric whilst she began to break down. Cries and sobs escaped her lips, shaking her entire being. Reiner's heartbeat comforted her as she tightly clung onto him, her walls falling apart. The male, on the other hand, began to silently cry himself. His tears fell onto the unknowing girl's head with his eyes trained onto the wall in front of him. He remained silent, allowing both of them to come apart at the seams. With no other bother, the pair grasped onto each other as they found closure in one another.

"Thank you..." Y/N hoarsely whispered after a while, looking up at the male who had raised his head. Her eyes flickered from his blotchy eyes to the redness of his skin, realising that he too, was suffering. Reiner smiled.

"Of course. We both needed that, I think." Y/N felt the vibrations of his airy laugh from his chest, as she grinned, her eyes tired. Slowly and reluctantly, she let go of his torso, his lingering warmth calming her. Reiner wordlessly did the same, slightly bashful that he didn't realise how long they had held each other.

"Let's go," Y/N said in a small tone as she reached for Reiner's hand and gently clasped it. The male nodded, content. The small moment brought great joy, and he yearned for that feeling once again. The girl turned around and started to jog down the white marble staircase that spiralled, Reiner, following closely behind.

The staircase descended to the murky depths of the building where gas and blades were stored for the soldiers to refill. That was the lowest level and the basement of the building, where Y/N was headed. However, as the stairs branched onto a new level, the sight of the soldiers from earlier scattered about the floor caught their eyes and made the pair falter. Y/N's gaze dropped to the dark continuation of the staircase until they looked back at the other, distracted and busy fighters, some of whom she recognized from the suicide mission. 

The duo, their hands stuck together, walked to the room where soldiers were gathered. The atmosphere was tense, the air being dense and the sense of hostility suffocated the two of them. Groups of people were spread out, like boxes and wooden crates followed. Hushed whispers filled the air and curious gazes landed on the new arrival. Y/N immediately saw the blond hair of Armin, who was crouched and conversing with Mikasa near a white brick fireplace of sorts. Intertwining her finger's with Reiner's subconsciously, she walked over to the pair who seemed to be having a deep conversation. 

"What's going on? Why is everyone gathered here?" She asked, breaking the hypnosis of the talk as she looked between the pair. After her meltdown, her mind allowed itself to return to its usual and rational state. Armin looked taken aback at the voice of Y/N, his eyes flickering up and towards the couple, nodding to both Reiner and the girl. He turned his attention to Y/N.

"Small, approximately 7m titans are crawling about downstairs. We cant fill up if they're at the basement, so we're currently trying to plan on how to get ourselves out of this mess." Armin sighed, his lips pursing. He seemed much more composed than when he had to break the news of Eren's death to Mikasa. Y/N wasn't surprised at the break-in of the titans - she was simply exhausted. If it wasn't one thing, then it was something else.

"We're thinking about using the spare guns leftover in the crates," Mikasa said, informing Y/N of the basis of their plan. She, too, was much calmer and relaxed than before. Although Y/N knew that she wasn't okay. The latter nodded, pausing as she began to string together all of the available pieces of information she knew.

"Well, if they're still some people who have stocked swords, how about we get them to kill the titans?" She suggested after seconds passed. Armin hesitated, his thinking face revealing as he thought over Y/N's idea. As he was about to make a point, Reiner spoke up from beside her.

"What if we lure the titans, blind them with the guns, then kill them? It'll be quick and easy. No hassle." He said. Y/N looked up at the taller male, who had a smug smirk on his face as silence wrapped the four of them. Both Mikasa and Armin, who had carefully thought over the suggestion, nodded at Reiner's quickly thought 1plan, no one going against his suggestion. However, Y/N toyed around with a burning question.

"How are we supposed to lure the bastards?" She asked. Reiner looked down at Y/N, making eye contact with the slightly worried girl. He paused, almost not knowing how to reply until an idea popped up. 

"Simple - I think there's a lift we can use. There, we fit as many people as possible into it, drawing the titans towards them. They'll have the guns." The male replied nonchalantly, shrugging at the simple idea. Y/N sighed, biting her lip as she ran through the plan in her mind. She glanced back at Armin and Mikasa who seemed to accept it. After a few moments, she reluctantly agreed. It was a quick plan, so she was worried that it was flimsy.

"Okay. I guess there's nothing else we should do. But I'm going to kill one of the giant freaks." She sternly said, determined to at least get some sort of revenge for her crushed arm as she glanced between the three of them. No one had any objections.


	17. Last Stretch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 25/1/21

Once everything had been prepared, and the long debate of who were going to finish off the titans below had finally come to an end, the mass military had readied up. Those who weren't the 8 people that had been tasked to slice the napes of the titans (and they were Marco, Jean, Y/N, Reiner, Annie, Mikasa, Connie and Sasha), were forced to be bait - their role being to lure the titans to one spot, which was the lift in the centre of the concave basement.

Loaded with guns, the soldiers were crammed into the small, wooden lift that looked like it hadn't been used in years. With its layers of dust piling up, to the creaky floorboard that whined at every step, some people naturally protested against the plan, refusing to be ultimately sacrificed. Y/N accepted their refusal but told them that if the plan went upside down, and they were the only survivors, that they would have to take responsibility and bear survivor's guilt at the death of their fallen comrades. Somehow, the threat managed to change the mind of the rioter's as they reluctantly boarded the lift, not surprising the girl as she stared with expectation. Receiving a few glares, Y/N looked around the lift, occasionally checking the few guns that the troopers clung onto. If the plan was going to fail, she wanted the least casualties and loss of armoury - she couldn't afford to be stuck in the castle, like a rat trapped in a hole.

Annie, a cadet in the 104th training corps whom Y/N hadn't spoken to, nor took notice off, promptly lifted the short gate that clicked into place once it was upright. The gate was the only source of exit and entrance and was what kept the soldiers in place. She nudged it a few times, dusting down the thick white cloth that draped over the wooden door until she looked back at the lingering 7 with a cold stare. The click that locked the soldiers in the lift notified Marco to pull the black lever, which he did on cue. Chains above the lift soon rattled as the mechanics started to vibrate immediately, telling the soldiers that it was alive and ready. The floor below slowly pulled opening up and causing the structure to jerk left and right as it was in the air. Y/N heard a couple of squeaks and surprised noises come from the group, yet remained focus on the cogs turning above. Whirring, the lift soon descended to the titan infested basement below. Y/N dropped her gaze and watched the horrified, pale faces of soldiers slowly disappear below the level nonchalantly, having no time to worry for others. Once the lift had almost left their sight, Y/N looked back to the other chosen cadets who were also watching the scene with serious looks. She examined their faces closely, the tension growing with every millisecond until they simultaneously looked up. With a brief nod, footsteps soon rushed across the fine stone marble as the group jogged over to the staircase. Slowing down their pace to a cautious walk, they followed the spiral into the depths of the unknown, a few people making casual conversation to try and take their mind off of failure.

"...If worse comes to worst, we can always attack the other weak spot." Reiner cooly said, unleashing his blade from his metal containers, prodding the air above him with a shit-eating grin. Y/N snorted after a moment in an attempt of trying not to laugh. Covering her mouth with her palm, the two shared a knowing look before she had to look away to stop herself from erupting in laughter. Connie and Sasha looked over their shoulders as they continued to descend the stairs, a few steps ahead of Y/N and Reiner. They both looked confused and concerned.

"The titans have two weak spots? Did I miss a lesson?" Sasha asked no one in particular as she recalled the time in which the other weakness may have been mentioned.

"Come on Reiner. Do you want your last words to be an ass joke?" Jean asked, unimpressed with his humour as he remained focus on the task at hand. Seconds passed before he decided to say something - anything, to Y/N, until he firmly closed it. His foolish attempt lingered in the knowing, subtle eyes of Marco, who silently descended the stairs beside him. He remained quiet.

The sounds of the group's footsteps echoed across the staircase as natural light slowly evaporated. The torches hanging on the wall provided some sort of visibility, with its flames dancing delicately. However, much to their flaw, they casted great shadows on the brick wall which gave the group a sinister chill. The squad had descended deeper and deeper down the flight of stairs. The atmosphere had become heavy as darkness absorbed them, fear looming over their heads. Their breathing filled the silence that was almost strikingly evident. Soon enough, they were so close that they were able to hear and feel the vibrations of the giants stomping around - they didn't need the light to see where the titans were. Their silhouettes were so large that Y/N, at the back of the group, was almost able to see them as clear as day. Wordlessly, and as silently as they could, the group used their ODM gear to fly to the horizontal wooden beams that had supported the structure of the cellar and parted their ways.

As they had separated to their positions, hovering on a slab of wood, they patiently waited for the lift to arrive. Y/N's eyes followed one of the nearby titans that were wandering near her, her breath hitching slightly as it took no notice of her. As she carefully and cautiously watched the mindless being walk directly beneath her, she slowly unsheathed her blade. Though it provided some noise, Y/N couldn't hear it over her heartbeat thumping in her ears. She refused to show any fear, as well as letting her emotions get the best of her - she didn't want to become a hindrance. Faintly, sounds of chains rattling and cogs turning soon flooded the bottom floor, the lift descending insight. Slowly, the bottom of the lift revealed itself and then the short military unit who had already gotten in their position. Y/N turned her attention to the hoist that contained the armed soldiers. Their guns were poised and ready as the lift subtly shook to a stop. The fighters were in the air, high up so that they were eye level with the titans. Looks of worry and panic were in their eyes, yet none of them lost their nerve yet. Until instructed, the teasers were supposed to hold their ground until the titans came close enough to blind. Once injured, the 8 cadets would swoop in and finish them off. That was the plan.

Y/N unknowingly held her breath as she gazed at the titans below her, her good hand tightly clutching her sword in anticipation. With the mass amount of people to lure the giants in, the titans' attentions were naturally grabbed. Leisurely, they each turned their direction and stumbled their way towards the decoy. Each step counted as the soldiers from all sides of the lift studied the proximity between them and the hunters. As the titans slowly closed in and surrounded the hoist, she watched the warriors poised and holding their ground. The silence was almost intoxicating. Y/N was able to hear everything - from the quick, shallow breathing of the bait to the rumbles of the titan's feet. Crouched and self-assured, she was ready to run at the simple word. Her hand's grip trembled slightly, as the back of the heads of the titans got too close to the lift for comfort. However, she finally heard the word "FIRE!" and the blasts of ammo bouncing off the walls. Flashes of yellow and orange swarmed the lift, lighting the basement up as the titans groaned out in pain in an incomprehensible way, grabbing their eye sockets and backing up. As the raid soon stopped, Y/N and the other's swiftly pounced.

She sprinted across the horizontal beam and attached her grappling hooks to the nearest monster's back. As she was pulled towards the yelling beast, she pulled her right arm to her left ear, quickly spinning into a tornado of sorts and slashed the nape off clean, thin, velvet blood gushing out of the cut. The titan soon fell onto its side, steam emitting off of its corpse as it had started to decay already. Landing behind the back of the giant, Y/N watched 5 other titans collapse onto the stone floor. At the victorious sight, Y/N paused.

"5?" She whispered, her gaze rising in an alarmed manner. Sasha and Connie's pleads filled the room as two titans had targeted the pair - they had managed to miss.


	18. Freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 25/1/21

"GOD DAMN YOU TWO-" Y/N yelled angrily as she ran over to the titan that was hovering over Sasha, who was backed up into a beam. The food maniac was shaking as she was begging for her life, staring at the titan right in its large, doe eyes as she shook her head with her weapon drawn in front of her. 

"No...no please spare me- AH!" She yelped as she managed to leap out of the way of the titan's low swoop, skimming the floor with its abnormally large hand and accidentally crashing into the thick wooden beam. Sasha managed to dodge the enemy's attack as she swiftly moved away from the titan, running away from the being. Y/N finally arrived at the scene and sharply halted. Gritting her teeth, the feelings of tension and worry flowing through her veins, she attached herself onto the neck of the giant in front of her with her grappling hooks. Lifting into the air with what little gas she had, she got her blade and quickly carved it into the nape of the titan, just like moments before as she yanked her blade out of its flesh. Without any hesitation, the titan awkwardly plummeted into the wooden beam ahead of it, it's forehead carrying its weight. The girl jumped to the floor, panting for a moment until she remembered that Connie had also foolishly missed. Gasping, she whipped her head across her shoulder and immediately saw Mikasa already taking care of the situation. Relief washed over the trooper whilst she sighed, glad that the situation had been taking care of. Y/N wiped the beads off sweat from her forehead, her heart speeding at the sudden encounter from the unforeseen titan. Lazily, her gaze searched for Sasha until she saw the energetic girl already over her. Sasha tightly grabbed Y/N, breaking out in tears whilst thanking Y/N, shaking her. The other just nodded and embraced the sob fest, tired from the recent events. Eventually, she encouraged the other to get off of her by patting her back and standing up.

Cheers soon echoed throughout the grimy, dim cellar. Soldier's started celebrating the fact that they now had the chance to retreat onto the walls because their biggest obstacle was now taken care off. Other's were glad that they were still alive and congratulated their comrades. Yells and sobs of joy bounced off of the walls of the newly found territory, Y/N almost smiling at the sound. It had been a while since she saw anyone as ecstatic as the crowd was. The lift automatically reached the bottom floor and cadets barged out, trampling over one another as they raced for the walls where tanks of gas and spare equipment were held. Y/N paused outside the crowd that formed around the row of tanks, waiting for her turn. She didn't particularly want to fight someone over equipment, especially at a disadvantage with her arm, and so she patiently waited.

'I still got to find a medic.' Y/N played around with the to-do list, audibly groaning from the never-ending record. Y/N's mentality still hadn't fully recovered so she was still wary about everything, as well as exhausted. Softly rubbing her face, Y/N started to tell herself that she still wasn't out of hell - she still had to get herself across to the walls. Standing by and watching the crowd slowly disappear after grabbing what they needed, she felt a cold shadow cast over her. Y/N curiously looked up, her hands slowly dropping to her side as she met the knowing gaze of Reiner. The male swiftly ruffled Y/N's hair, smiling.

"Glad to see that you're still alive. I thought you would run away or something." The male teased as he snickered, lifting his big palm off of Y/N's head. Y/N quickly retaliated and playfully punched the male's chest, angry. 

"I'm not a coward, you giant idiot. You literally look like-" She was about to insult him before she noticed the ever tall Bertholdt behind the blond. Y/N's newfound gaze distracted Reiner, as he peered behind him to see why she had trailed off. His cheery grin faltered subtly as he met the grey eyes of his best friend, Bertholdt. The latter looked from Reiner to Y/N, almost oblivious.

"Hey, Bert! I need to have a chat with you soon. You're the only sane one here." The girl said, grinning at the sight of her friend. The black-haired male's eyes widened a little bit - not large enough for Y/N to notice, although Reiner did. He carefully analysed Bertholdt's reaction to the girl, and suddenly, a bitter and sour taste frothed at his tongue. 

"Yeah, I'd like that..." Bertholdt replied in with a soft voice, trailing off dreamily until he suddenly turned his attention to the shorter blond just in front of him as he had just remembered what he was there for.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about? We never finished our conversation." Bertholdt asked with thin lips, one of his hands clutching Reiner's shoulder. Y/N's gaze went from the black-haired male to her closest friend, watching the pair intently. Reiner's face flickered mixed emotions briefly before he grinned.

"Oh yeah, about that beast of a titan storming out there," He began, before peering back at the curious girl.

"Sorry, you don't mind if I tell Bertholdt about what happened out there, do you? I'll treat you to lunch." Reiner compromised with a soft smile, his eyes closing as a look of relaxation overcame him. Y/N just nodded, exhaling out of her nose.

"Of course. I need to refill gas and blades anyway. It's all good." She said, before departing first. Waving goodbye to the both of them, she turned on her heels and strolled away from the two. By the time that their conversation had abruptly ended, there was little to no herd of people gathering around the tanks and blades. She waited for a few moments before a spare cylinder tank was free, and walked over to it. Grabbing her two containers, she crouched down as she unscrewed the lid of one of them, before attaching it to the gas supplier. She watched the air pressure gauge slowly tick it's way to the maximum capacity, and once it was full, she quickly screwed the lid back on and repeated the process with the other tank. After both containers were brimming with gas, Y/N placed them back into their respective places behind her, in her ODM gear, and restocked on her blades. Once she was fully equipped for the last stretch, she looked around. The once tense and heavy atmosphere had quickly lightened up as soldiers were in high spirits. Reluctantly, Y/N smiled to herself until memories of what had happened outside occurred to her. Some of her comrades, who she was guiding, weren't in the same room as her. Instead, they were in the gut of a titan which was more than likely still roaming around the streets. Y/N grimaced, a bitter taste flowing in her mouth.

Soon enough, soldiers started to pour out of the cellar as they ran upstairs, ready to retreat and get back to safety. Y/N followed the cluster of people wordlessly, begging for the whole experience to be over. Daylight soon flowed in as the large mass of people reached the surface, the marble floor making its appearance. As soon as they had reached ground level, Y/N diverted away from the group and made her way out of the building. A nagging feeling clawed at her, that she was forgetting something, but she forced herself to dig it back down, wanting to deal with it once she was safe. Y/N walked onto the streets, her eyes taking a moment to adjust to the sudden amount of sunlight. The grey clouds that had once flown over her were no more as the sun had shown up and brightly warmed the city.

Turning around to face the headquarters, she used her ODM gear to fly onto the roof of the base and get a better insight on the situation. She was curious as to who was left behind, and what was still out there. As she smoothly landed, she looked around. Soldiers who had the same mindset as she were already on the roof. There she met Jean, who was with Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie. The group, with their backs, slightly turned on Y/N peered down from the roof with expressions that Y/N couldn't decipher. She jogged to them, her ODM gear rattling behind her as her curiosity began to grow. As she followed their eye level, she gasped, her eyes as wide as saucepans whilst she stumbled back. The titan, who was their one-way ticket out of hell, was getting devoured right in front of her. It collapsed helplessly against a group of buildings, numerous bones showing as titans hungrily devoured it, tearing off its skin bit by bit. Blood oozed from the wounded titan as it's flesh was torn apart by different giants desperate to get a piece of it.

"Cannibalism?" She whispered to herself, her hand covering her mouth. The titan gave a soft groan whilst jerking its head up, its vivacious green eyes looking at the group helplessly staring at the feast. It looked like it was begging for help - though Y/N had no idea what to do with her hesitance. She turned to the dumbstruck group.

"We need to help it!" She exclaimed, pointing to the tired titan who was yanked from side to side like a broken doll. What used to be a titan slaughtering machine whimpered as it didn't resist - it had no chance to.

"What? No way! We finally have a chance to get out of here, and you want to stay?" Jean replied in a loud tone, his eyebrows creased in confusion as he leaned towards the girl. He was perplexed as to why Y/N would want to help a demon - an enemy, and his good for nothing caringness took over. If they had aided the titan, he was almost certain that she would be the first to fall prey of the unknown giant.

"She has a point, Jean. Think about it. If we could get that titan to on our side, who knows what we could do with it?" Annie pointed out in a monotone voice, staring at the massacre. Y/N almost sighed in relief at Annie's back-up, grateful for her stepping in. 


	19. Eren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST UPDATED; 18/2/21

Y/N was prepared to risk her life, once again, to save the helpless titan before her. Never, in her fighting days, did she imagine that she would be fighting for the enemy, but she couldn't stand around whilst her golden ticket was getting eaten before her eyes. Though she was an incredibly selfish person with the self-centred ideas drilled and moulded her person since she was a child, deep down, she had always believed that she was ready to drop everything for humanity. However, after nearly dying a couple of times, the belief was turning into a tangled mess. Staring at the beast getting chewed and ripped from piece to piece for a few moments, she decided to take action. The least she could do to help it was to slay some of the titans fighting for a piece of it's build. Wordlessly, she rushed to the edge of the building, about to jump before she was harshly yanked back by her collar and stumbling back.

"What the fuc-?!" She yelped in shock at the sudden interference. She whipped her head around and saw Jean's hard cold stare. He stared at Y/N, almost angry, although flashes of concern dwelled within his eyes. The male didn't release his hold of her just yet as he pulled her upright by her collar, his eyes never leaving.

"Are you crazy? Seriously Y/N! Just because you're talented doesn't mean you can just take stupid risks," Jean said in a tired voice, his jaw tightening with every word. He deeply exhaled with closed eyes, Y/N watching him with a mannerism of confusion though she didn't say anything just yet. Knowing Jean's loudmouth, she knew that he had more to say. Jean reopened his eyelids, his lips pursed as silence enveloped the two of them.

"If you have to pull this off, at least wait for an opening. I need you alive." Jean's tone and face turned softer before quickly letting go of her collar, fixing it briefly prior to stepping back. Y/N exhaled, almost laughing at the male's awkwardness. Though he could be as stubborn as a mule, Y/N appreciated him looking out for her.

"I'll be fine, Jean. Have more faith in me." Y/N replied, fixing the remains of the crumpled collar before turning her back onto the male. Jean just nodded, an uncomfortable feeling crawling through his stomach as he looked away with a pause. How did Y/N always manage to bring his stomach to knots? Glancing at the girl whose eyes were fixed on the whimpering titan, he walked away, his ODM gear clanking by his hips. The male brushed away the light pink on his cheeks and continued to walk.

Meanwhile, the titan continued to weakly struggle, trying to rip the starving giants away. In a desperate attempt to run from the other, smaller titans, it grabbed one of the beasts by its neck, pulling it off of its rotting corpse. Y/N paused and continued to watch. It was as Jean said - she had to wait for an opening, and now wasn't it. She clenched her blade to the point where her knuckles were slowly turning white, feeling somewhat sorry at the sight.

After making the smallest of paths with the new opening, the intelligent titan swiftly began to limp away, it's torso half-open with its bones threatening to fall out. It's dark crimson guts and the giant's lengthy intestines almost jumped out and so the beast had to wrap one of its skinless arms around it's lower torso to prevent it from spilling. The titan that was half skeleton and half flesh stumbled as it tried to escape the mindless beasts rushing over, desperate to feed more.

'Now.' Y/N suddenly thought, before jumping off the edge of the roof that was decorated in dark blue tiles and attaching her grappling hooks to the back of whatever titan was nearest. Swiftly, she ran her blade through the nape of the giant with accurate precision and turned to the rest of the clamouring titans. She managed to kill a few titans as she flew between them with no mercy. Eventually, Reiner, Annie, Bertholdt and Jean had also jumped at some point and provided her aid. Mass amounts of thin vapour ascended as titans fell one by one, the Earth trembling with every kill. Once the group was finished with no injuries, Y/N and the others wordlessly got back to safety and reached the roofs once again. Upon landing, Y/N immediately turned her head to see if their attempt to help the intelligent giant was successful. Her eyes darted around until she spotted it and her eyes widened. The titan had collapsed face first with vast amounts of steam blocking the entirety of its corpse. Its hands were flimsily by its side, giving the appearance that it was relaxing. Y/N studied the silhouette of the titan, before furrowing her eyebrows. She was sort of upset by the death of the being and that her attempt to save it was to no avail. However, part of her was in disbelief that she was even feeling something other than hatred for the foe. As she watched it, an observation popped into her mind.

"Is it just me, or is there a little more steam than usual..." She trailed off as she squinted her eyes to get a better look. Confusion and interest overwhelmed her as she spotted something unusual at the nape of the titan. Subconsciously, her feet started to break into a jog which quickly ended up into a sprint as the sight of something emerging from the nape of the titan came clearer into view. Getting fed up with the distance, the girl quickly jumped off of the roof and onto the ground below, bending her knees at the impact before running. Yells of her name cried from the rooftop, but she didn't take notice. Her curiosity overtook her as she reached the steaming hot corpse of the titan that had managed to save them in its own way. She made out a figure sitting on the titan, though the steam was so thick that she wasn't sure what she was seeing. As she was taking a couple of steps further, she heard feet rushing over to her. She peered over her shoulder and saw Armin and Mikasa running over, with Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie and Jean taking their time in making their way to the skeleton. Mikasa joined her side, looking at the dark figure behind the steam. She wore an expression that Y/N couldn't quite decipher, and Armin looked just as perplexed as she was.

Mikasa didn't waste any time in stepping over the abnormally large bones and the remains of the titan's flesh as she disappeared into the wall of steam. The cloud thinned slightly and allowed Y/N to peer inside; she managed to see two figures, one of them who she thought was Mikasa, collapsing on her knees. Y/N's heart was racing as she waited, anticipating something. In the meantime, the others had finally caught up to the pair and followed Y/N's gaze. None of them knew what was going on but was interested enough to find out. Y/N opened her mouth after a few moments to ask Mikasa what was happening until she heard sobs and cries from the girl. Y/N's eyes widened, worried that something may have happened to her friend as she rushed over through the steam and over the carcass of the fallen titan. She winced slightly at the humidity before the pair below caught her attention. Y/N watched as Mikasa hugged Eren, who seemed unconscious, whilst crying. The male's limbs were connected to the titan under him, with flesh and muscle joining both bodies. Steam was also emitting from the male, making Y/N slightly fearful. Y/N's eyes widened, unsure of what was going on but didn't want to hang around to find out.

"We need to get him out of there." She firmly said, looking at the sobbing girl who looked like she had no intention of letting Eren go. Unleashing her blade, she swiftly and effortlessly chopped off the thin flesh that tied Eren to the carcass. The male immediately collapsed into Mikasa now that he was free from the titan, his eyes closed which gave an impression that he was asleep. Y/N stared at the two, shoving her blade back into the metal container as she nonchalantly walked away from them, deeply perplexed and somewhat horrified. She knew that Mikasa heavily cared for Eren, and now seeing him reappear from the dead must've given her a shock - it certainly gave her one. Y/N left the two alone, knowing that they would need some space to process what had just happened. She also needed the distance as she tried to grasp what she had just witnessed. Part of her was in disbelief and doubt, and the other part was terrified. Y/N passed by Armin along her way to Reiner, who looked confused and hesitant.

"Eren." Was all she said to the male, taking her eyes off of him and looking back at Reiner. She heard Armin shakily gasp as he raced towards the duo. Y/N, however, had a dark look on her face. Though she was supposed to be happy that Eren had somehow managed to get resurrected, she felt that it was greatly unfair and unusual. She watched people getting eaten - to never return, yet he somehow managed to beat death? The thought just pissed her off as she tsked. The fact that he was also connected to the intelligent titan greatly scared her. She didn't know what to think and her feelings just conflicted with one another.

'A human controlling a titan? It's literally impossible? How the hell, no, why was he in the titan's body in the first place?" She thought to herself, staring at the ground before a pair of brown leather boots came into her sight. She glanced up and looked at Reiner. Y/N didn't want to deal with him, though it was like she was drawn to him, like a moth to a flame. She also felt very confused about her feelings of him, bewildered by the whirlpool of emotions inside of her that was threatening to break out. 

"So, what did you see?" Reiner's deep voice asked, breaking her from her trance of confusion and worry. Y/N stumbled over her words as she was taken aback by the sudden question - she wasn't sure what she had just seen herself. Gazing from the floor back to Reiner, she took a deep breath before answering the hanging question.

"Eren was inside the titan. He's unconscious but was connected to the flesh of the beast, so..." She trailed off in a small voice, trying to recall what had happened just a few moments ago. Everyone was shock-stricken. Jean took a couple of steps back as he held out his hands in front of him defensively. Y/N heard him repeat what she had just said, a frown tugging on her lips as she watched the male's reaction. She could feel the questions hanging on everyone's lips.

"A-are you sure?" Bertholdt's asked her, tilting his head as he was taken aback. Y/N looked at Bertholdt and studied his features for the first time. With his towering height, his doe eyes and medium length of hair, he looked fairly attractive - something she hadn't noticed upon their introduction. The girl nodded, affirming their worries.

"He's with Mikasa and Armin now. I'm not sure what the hell is going on though." She mumbled the last part, running her fingers through her tangled hair as she tried to calm herself down. She was itching with questions that she wasn't supposed to ask. The one thing that worried her was what was going to happen next. With the new information of Eren emerging from a titan, she wasn't sure if she could trust him again. Was he even human?


	20. The news

Y/N walked away from the group, desperately wanting to retreat onto the walls before more titans decided to show up. Just as she was about to hook onto a tall building with numerous damages, a voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Wait up, idiot," Reiner called, jogging towards the tired girl. Y/N rolled her eyes subtly, not wanting company, though she let it slide. She didn't look back at the male as she simply glided to the building, landing with ease. 

"Hurry up dude. I want to get back asap. I don't want to deal with more titans." Y/N grumbled, hearing the footsteps land on the tiles heavily. Once Reiner had caught up, the two set off back to the wall, hopping from structure to structure. They passed numerous piles of rubble and houses that had crumbled from the titans. The fires that had once engulfed the city were no more, only smoke left behind. There was little to no titans other than the ones newly arriving in the destroyed city of Trost, crawling through the busted gate. Rubble and large rocks were scattered around, reminding the city of the traumatic event that had happened once again. Y/N sighed, looking ahead and seeing the 50m stone wall that was supposed to separate the prey and the predator. The crumbling wall only reminded her of her brother's death, which she felt like she may never get over, and the demise of her comrades who she led to their passing. Biting her lip, she balled her palms into fists as she jumped onto the next pile of rubble. 

Reiner only watched the girl out of the corner of his knowing eye, not bothering to interfere with her conflicting emotions. He felt like he was in no place to tell her how she should feel if he couldn't even set out his grieving emotions. Once the pair reached the looming stone wall, they peered up, seeing some soldiers already at safety. Y/N wordlessly used her ODM gear to attach herself to the peak of the barrier, getting pulled to the top with her gas supporting her. As she hovered above the wall, she gasped quietly, the tremendous wind crashing into her. She saw the other side of the wall for the first time, the green space stretching beyond her view as trees grew at random places. As her feet firmly landed on the stone, she mindlessly walked to the other side of the wall, ignoring the strange looks that she was receiving. The wind pulled her hair away from her face so that she got the full scenery.

'Was this...what my brother saw?' She thought, feeling at ease at the sight of the landscape extending. However, her mood quickly dampened at the sight of titans walking at various speeds towards the wall. She made a disgusted face, peering over the edge of the wall and seeing a crowd of titans scratching the stone below her. Feeling a sudden surge of hatred and anger flowing through her body, she rapidly stepped back, turning away from the other view. She looked around and saw soldiers relaxing, some of their feet dangling over the stone panel as they were casually sitting. Other's were gravely injured with some missing limbs. The occasional cadet was in tears after losing a friend, companion or loved one after the recent invasion. Y/N sighed, closing her eyes and reopening them to the sight of Reiner crouching to the ground, gazing across the fallen city of Trost. The girl decided to let him have time alone, knowing that she had bigger things to worry about, such as her crushed arm. She was surprised herself, as she expected to be in more pain. She didn't feel anything when it came to her left arm. It was like it was there, but gone. She also couldn't; interact with it, nor feel it like normal. 

She looked to her left and saw a medic with a white handkerchief over their mouth, and short brown hair. She was looming over a soldier on a long piece of grey cloth, what Y/N presumed to be a stretcher. The girl jogged over to the nurse, her left arm flowing behind her. At the sight of the exhausted girl, the medic excused herself from the male that was wrapped in bandages, groaning from the immense pain. Blood had surfaced to his bandages as he was bleeding out. Y/N's eyes dropped to him, his left leg gone and his head looking injured.

'God, I was lucky.' She thought to herself, before shaking her head and turning her attention back to the nurse curiously gazing at her. She tilted her head, a small wooden clipboard hugging her chest.

"May I help you?" She asked with a soothing voice. Y/N exhaled, before starting her ramble, explaining what had happened and the condition of her phantom limb. The nurse nodded along to her story and by the time Y/N concluded, the nurse already knew the inevitable. The older inhaled.

"I hate to tell you, but I think that your arm has received irreversible damages. I don't think it will heal, but I'll bandage it up, give you some homemade remedies and suggest that you don't think about it. I'm sorry. I'm not sure if I can help you." The nurse said, putting on a confident, formal voice. Y/N paused, knowing deep down that would be the case. Y/N smiled, telling herself that she was okay repeatedly to stop tears from brimming.

"Thank you." Y/N said in a wavering voice, inhaling sharply. The nurse carelessly dropped the clipboard by her feet, before pulling out a roll of white bandages and a clip attached to it from her brown satchel bag that was hanging at her hip. Delicately, she held Y/N's arm out at a 90-degree angle, glancing at Y/N to see if she would respond. The injured girl did not. She couldn't feel the nurse's smooth grip on her skin - she just watched as the nurse wrapped the long white cloth around her arm, starting at her shoulder to her wrist. In the end, the lady ripped the cloth from the shrunken roll and made a knot that was below Y/N's palm. She then attached the clip to securely hold it in place. Exhaling, she looked at the satisfied girl.

"You don't need to change these. They're only to support your bones if they regenerate. Take these daily as well. It might speed the healing process up. If there are no changes after 3 weeks, then that means that your arm is permanently damaged." The nurse said, shoving the roll back into the brown leather satchel bag, and pulling out a small, green-tinted bottle of pills. She handed it to Y/N who quickly accepted it. Glancing from the bottle back to the older soldier, she nodded.

"Thank you for your help, ma'am. I'm grateful." She said, smiling at the woman before walking away from the medic, the bottle of pills still in her right arm. The feeling of sadness and helplessness was scratching away at her, but she refused to speak about her arm's injury. Y/N didn't want any help and hated speaking about her feelings unless she was on the verge of breaking down. The girl quickly shoved the palm-sized bottle into her leather jacket pocket at the sight of Commander Erwin's approach. After the squad had disbanded when they had arrived at Trost, Y/N never saw Erwin during the battle. She was almost surprised at seeing him ontop the wall, though she didn't question it as he deployed most of his troops as well. Erwin had his green cloak tied at his neck as it swayed in the wind, the Wings of Freedom showing slightly. The male had a blank expression that Y/N couldn't decipher as he walked over to her.

"Glad to see you, Miss S/N. How was your first experience with the titans?" He asked, peering down at her with his icy blue eyes. Y/N's palms balled into fists before she exhaled and let go of any anger that she resided.

"Well, apart from managing to get some of my comrades killed under my command, somehow landing in the clasps of a titan, and almost getting devoured alive twice, I think it went pretty well - don't you, sir?" She sarcastically said, a fake grin on her face as she recalled most of her time out on the battlefield. She skipped over the part of receiving news that she may never be able to move one of her arms again, as she didn't want to tell anyone. The only ones who knew were Reiner and the nurse who she had just seen moments ago. Y/N's sarcasm hid the waves of self-hatred and anger as she almost wanted to take it out on the commander, who didn't reply for a few moments. He raised an eyebrow at the events.

"Oh? You commanded a group of soldiers?" Erwin simply asked. Y/N pulled a ridiculed face, shocked that that was all Erwin focused on, completely dismissing the fact that she had almost died numerous times. 

"What the actual fuck," she mumbled under her breath, staring into Erwin's gaze as her anger endangered her peaceful facade.  
"I mean- Yes, as certain people left us out there to die. We weren't able to refill our gas and blades, so I led _that_ operation." She gritted her teeth at the end, after emphasising on the fact that they were completely stranded and were left to the titans. She partially blamed both the commander and the soldiers who were in the headquarters, but her blame soon washed away after she had seen that suicide when she arrived. Erwin nodded, before placing his hand on the girl's soldier and leaning into her ear. His minty breath tickled her pink-tinted ears.

"I see. Well, I hope to see more of that teamwork and cooperation once you join my regiment, Miss S/N." His voice almost purred in his silky tone, before tapping her shoulder as he pulled away and brushed her soldier whilst leaving. The girl's jaw dropped, her eyes wide as she rotated on her heels. His back was facing her as the Wings of Freedom flapped in the wind. Without any hesitation, she began to flip the Commander off shamelessly.

"Go rot in a titan's mouth, pig!" She yelled, feeling annoyed with the male as the Commander continued to walk away whilst ignoring her insult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i heard someone say that reiner would give the best cuddles, and I can't stop thinking about it, so just beware. :') also, if i change my mind, the reiner x reader ship is mainly gonna be very fluffy and light hearted (perhaps even some angst/drama may appear). hope you enjoy. ^^


	21. Snap, crackle and pop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ahh i hope that i'm not moving too fast with the plot. ;-; and am i writing enough for you guys? i feel like my chapters may be short as they only consist of over 1,000 words. if you would like longer chapters, please tell me and I'll gladly adjust!

Y/N heard a deep chuckle beside her as she continued swearing at the Commander. The girl dropped her arm slightly at the voice, as she turned her head to see Reiner, his arms crossed as he watched her, amused. The male strolled to the girl and went behind her. Y/N, confused, dropped her right arm to her side as her eyes watched Reiner's every move. Soon enough, she felt two, sturdy arms wrap around her stomach, pulling her towards Reiner. His chin was gently placed on her head as he gently tugged her into a back hug. Y/N's eyes slowly broaden as she felt the warmth and security from Reiner's muscular, comforting arms. A bright blush swiftly made it's way across Y/N's cheeks as she felt flustered and unsure on what to do. There was little to no space between the two as Y/N was able to feel the male's muscles against her back, making her even more embarrassed.

"R-Reiner...?" She stuttered, cringing at herself for sounding like a child. The girl couldn't even force herself to look at the male but on the floor. She was so very confused with the sudden gesture as she couldn't think of a reason behind it.

"Ah, are you uncomfortable? I can let go?" The male suggested, his grip loosening enough so that Y/N was able to break free if she wanted to. The girl could feel his voice vibrate through his chest and out of his mouth. She closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down by taking deep breathes.

"As much as I enjoy your embrace, perhaps we could do this another time," The girl said in a quiet voice, as she gently and carefully pulled away from Reiner's warmth. She pivoted on her heels, looking at Reiner who nodded and straightened his back. His expression was blank, so it was hard for Y/N to read him. The male had always been straight forward with his words, though he was incredibly complex to read.

"Do you hug everyone?" She joked after a few moments, trying to lighten up the mood in an attempt to stop herself from getting distracted by the fairly attractive male in front of her. The male played along and grinned.

"Of course not - who do you think I am? Only those who I _deeply_ care for." He replied, emphasising on the word 'deeply' before raising his hand to Y/N's forehead and playfully flicking it nonchalantly. Y/N was too busy processing the words that she didn't notice his hand in front of her face.

"Ya-OWW!" Y/N yelped, immediately bringing her hand to the faint, small red spot now on her forehead. Reiner just laughed at Y/N's glares as she cursed him out, trying to insult him the best she could.

"Come on, idiot. There's-" The male began, talking over the very irritated Y/N who continued to hiss harsh words at him, before cannon fire not too far away from them interrupted them. The firing was so loud that it ran through Y/N's eardrums in a high pitched wave. Y/N's tongue slowed down with its words as she slowly took her hand off of her forehead and dropped it to her side. The sudden noise of the cannon also confused nearby soldiers who were all on alert. Some jumped up to their feet, looking around in a panic. Murmurs soon washed within the wind as people started to converse with one another, questioning what that noise was and what caused it. Y/N, on the other hand, started to be extremely wary. She turned to Reiner. His expression was dark and hands balled into fists.

"Do you know what the hell that was?" She asked, tilting her head as she focused on the male in front of her. A shocked expression was on her face as her eyebrows were raised and her lips parted. Reiner stayed silent until he looked up with a determined and stern facial expression.

"Let's go find out." He said before running to the edge of the wall where they had come up from a while ago. Y/N swiftly followed, wondering what happened to his sudden change of mood, but didn't question it. She knew that during times like these, that nothing was guaranteed. - not even the carefree atmosphere which she desperately longed for. The pair jogged to the edge before jumping back into Trost. The ringing was so loud that both of them instantly knew where it was from. They began to quickly fall close to the floor, Y/N's arms forcefully being held up in the air. The wind was so strong that it began to pain her eyes. As they were pulled down by gravity, the wind resisting the fall of the two of them, Y/N saw steam not too far away through her blurry vision. It was behind a few towering buildings and nearby the frost square where Y/N had first arrived for refuge. She pointed to the steam, still falling to the floor as Reiner nodded. Once they reached a safe distance from the ground where they wouldn't splat onto the floor, they used their ODM gear and connected to one of the standing properties. Using their fully stocked gas, they glided across from the stone wall and on top of the nearby building. Without a word exchanged, the two made their way towards the smoke and cannon fire as curiosity itched. 

They safely hopped from structure to structure as the town seemed almost empty. Newcoming soldiers were tasked with the mission to hold as many titans as they could back, even though that seemed virtually impossible. The pair got closer to the steam, dodging the remaining small titans that lurked in the streets. Despite their size, they were also extremely dangerous. Y/N didn't underestimate any of the humanoid giants - especially after what she had gone through. Eventually, and with the sound of their footsteps running across the dark shades of tiles flooding the silence, they had made it. Both stopped, halting at the sight that they were seeing. The first thing Y/N saw was a giant upper body of a titan, with its hand stretched out slightly above its head. The whole system looked about 10m, though Y/N couldn't tell. It was stationed slightly ahead of the wall - any closer and it might've caused huge destruction to their barrier. One half of the torso was a skeleton, it's bones forming the ribcage and some of the head. Muscles occupied the other half as there were no signs of skin anyway. The red, thick tissue had steam oozing out of it. The skeleton head was looking to the ground and away from its hand. Y/N, staring at it, swore that she saw dimly lit green eyes move around. 

The next thing that she saw was the Garrison Regiment surrounding the titan at a safe distance, the roses showing on there back. Soldiers had guns pointed at the body as they were on the edge of a square, fear written on their faces as they looked upon the newly formed titan. Y/N saw people shake and quiver in terror, but it was understandable. Standing at the top of the square was a tall man that was balding and had a thick beard. He looked like a Commander or leader of sorts, a lapel proudly presented on his leather cloak. His right hand was pointed to the ground in front of him, looking like he had just ordered a command. Y/N's eyes followed the titan's raised arm and saw a cannon pointed at it with smoke evaporating. The people behind the cannon looked at the presumable leader, patiently waiting for orders on what to do.

"What the fuck happened?" Y/N asked no one as Reiner looked like he was trying to make out what he was seeing himself. Suddenly, the sounds of cracks and rumbling were heard. Y/N looked back at the bare skeleton and saw the head of it move. She gasped as the skull rattled in its joints and jerked to the front, promising that it would fall at a moment's notice. It didn't look secure - anyone could tell, yet they just watched. As she took a tiny breath, the skull finally snapped and began to fall slowly. She watched as it collapsed to the ground, the dust immediately covering it and blocking the sight of it, on top of the steam. With a loud crash, Y/N took a couple of steps back, scared at what she was seeing. Questions were running through her mind but she was still trying to solve the puzzle of why the skeleton had appeared. Her eyes shifted to Reiner who looked as pale as a milk bottle.


	22. Fire when ready

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! apologies due to the fact that i havent been uploading. i've just been feeling really unmotivated and im mentally exhausted with everything, though i'll still try to update this as much as i can! sorry, again.

"What the hell is going on?" Bertholdt's confused voice came out of nowhere, shocking Y/N slightly. Y/N flinched at the sudden appearance of the lanky male, looking back over her shoulder as he caught up to the two. The male looked petrified as he halted in his tracks at the sight of the collapsing corpse in front of him. Y/N saw his hand tremble slightly, though she didn't say anything. He took a couple of steps back, almost knocking into Annie who trailed behind him. She took a glimpse of the headless skeleton, yet she didn't have an obvious reaction. The blond girl looked uninterested and bored, as always. Y/N occasionally caught herself wondering about what the other girl was thinking - what was going through her head, yet she never bothered asking. Annie seemed like someone distant and emotionally unavailable. That confused Y/N, as she sometimes saw her with Reiner and Bertholdt talking amongst one another. They always seemed to be in their own little world.

'Is it me, or am I stumbling into them a lot more recently?' Y/N thought to herself, before remembering the events below her and looked back at the square of soldiers. No one made a move as they were in a tense standoff - with what, Y/N didn't know. She was quite fearful of what she was looking at. Part of her knew that she wasn't supposed to watch the scene unfolding, though her curiosity only grew.

"Shut up dude! Just look." Reiner hissed suddenly at Bertholdt. He was clearly on edge, with his pale skin to his wide eyes, though his reaction to the carcass evaporating into steam was normal. Y/N herself was on the verge of running away. The taller male with black hair glanced at Reiner, who's eyes were trained on the standoff, and nodded immediately. Annie positioned herself between Y/N and Bertholdt to try and get a good view as to what they were looking at. 

"...READY TO LOAD THE CANNON AGAIN." A scared, deep voice called out, breaking the tense silence that suffocated the soldiers. Y/N watched as the balding man yelled out numerous commands, a grim look on his face. Even from on the roof of a nearby building, Y/N knew that everyone was frantic. With the sudden commands and the carcass falling apart bit by bit, the soldiers didn't know how to operate in the unideal situation they were in. As even more of the bones caved in, causing loud rings to vibrate through the air, the girl saw something at the corner of her eyes. Y/N spotted the cannon that was on the stone wall, 50m in the air, getting prepared for another cannon fire. 

"What are they firing at? A titan?" She mumbled under her breath before bringing her hand to her neck and scratching it vigorously. It was a way to deal with the stress that she had been put under frequently, the habit developing a couple of years back. She was amazed as to how her skin hadn't been clawed off yet. As she itched her way into her neck, the girl noticed something emerging from the thick layers of dust and steam. The curtain that had shielded most of the skeleton briefly opened up, the figure stepping into the spotlight of guns. Soldiers immediately pointed their weapons at Armin, who held his hands to his head and his gaze on the dirt below him. It was a way to deal with the stress that she was put under frequently, that she had developed a couple of years back. She was amazed as to how her skin hadn't been clawed off yet. As she itched her way into her neck, the girl noticed something rapidly emerging from the thick layers of dust and steam.

The curtain that had shielded most of the skeleton briefly opened up, the figure stepping into the spotlight of guns. Soldiers immediately pointed their weapons at Armin, who held his hands to his head and his gaze on the dirt below him. Y/N gasped at the sight of one of her friends getting targeted by members of the Garrison Regiment. Everyone was on alert as they watched Armin stare at the fighters, who looked like they were about to pass out. Y/N looked back at her comrades on the roof, most of them being speechless and in major shock. Even Annie seemed surprised at the sudden appearance of the blond. Y/N turned back at the hostile situation as a yell reigned her attention back.

"YOU-! STAND DOWN! I'M READY TO FIRE AT ANY MOMENT!" The same senior in the Garrison Regiment who had ordered the cannon to be loaded yelled. Despite being threatened with a very cruel death and looked down upon, Armin held his cool gaze. Y/N began to furiously itch her neck, feeling like her faint heart would give up on her at any moment. She watched as Armin took a deep breath, feeling amazed at how well he was taking everything. He was quite calm in spite of the whole situation. 

"EREN JAEGER IS NOT THE ENEMY OF MANKIND! WE'RE WILLING TO SHARE ANY AND ALL INFORMATION THAT WE HAVE!" Armin yelled in an attempt to negotiate between the soldiers. Even with his loud tone, he managed to plea in a calm and collected way.

'Eren? What?' Y/N thought to herself, furrowing her eyebrows at the name until it all clicked in place. Linking what she had seen at the main headquarters, to the complex situation now, everything finally made sense to her.

"Holy shit. So Eren can really turn into a titan?" She whispered, clasping her mouth at the revelation. Her heart ran inside her chest as her ears began to ring.

"I think I'm going to puke." She groaned until the feeling of nausea swiftly washed away. The fact that Eren was able to turn into one of the beasts that had caused so much devastation to humanity made her stomach churn. She was utterly disgusted by the fact and knew that she wouldn't be able to see the male the same way again. Y/N heard one of her comrade's breaths hitch, but she didn't pay much attention to it. She was too invested in seeing the climax of Eren's newfound ability, even though she couldn't bear to look at him. She figured that Eren, and possibly Mikasa as well, knowing her, were hiding in the wall of dirt and steam protecting them.

"I HAVE NO INTENTION OF LISTENING TO YOU - WE'VE SEEN IT ALL. THERE'S NO USE. IF YOU CLAIM HE'S NOT OUR ENEMY, THEN PROVE IT! FAIL, AND WE WILL HAVE NO HESITATION TO ELIMINATE YOU." The leader yelled back. All the soldiers held their stance and didn't make an effort to stand down to listen to Armin's speech. The words of the wrinkled, experienced senior didn't break Armin's confidence though. He was still determined to back Eren up - no matter the consequence. Y/N frowned at Armin's drive to protect his friend, yet didn't make a conclusion yet.

"THERE'S NO NEED FOR PROOF! BESIDES, HOW WE SEE HIM IS UNNECESSARY." Armin shot back, debunking the male's challenge.

"WHAT?!" The older exclaimed, confused on Armin's point.

"MANY HAVE CLAIMED TO SEE HIM IN ACTION. IF THAT'S TRUE, THEY ALSO MUST'VE SEEN HIM FIGHTING THE TITANS, ASWELL AS THE SIGHT OF THEM SWARMING HIM! IN OTHER WORDS, THEY SEEM HIM AS PREY, JUST LIKE THE REST OF MANKIND. WE CAN'T DISMISS THAT BLATANT FACT!" Armin concluded. People stared at the male after his valid argument, the soldiers who seemed to be ready to fire at him slightly doubting themselves. Murmurs flooded the air, most agreeing with the blond male's claim. Some members of the Garrison Regiment dropped their aim as they pointed their weapons to the floor, accepting defeat. Though there were still some fighters in disbelief at the fact there was a titan that was an ally, their beliefs and thoughts clashing. Armin's simple, yet effective observation managed to turn the tides of the argument. 

Y/N wasn't sure where she stood on the whole debate. As fearful as she was with Eren turning into a titan, she couldn't deny that she had seen him fight the titans and cleared a way to their survival. She exhaled, gaining a headache as she held her palm to her forehead.

'Armin, that bastard-!' She thought as she felt conflicted with her feelings, her eyes never leaving the sight.

The only one who wasn't swayed by Armin's point was the one whose judgement mattered the most - the man in charge. He looked terrified as his rationality soon broke into shards with, his feelings taking over his head.

"PREPARE TO ATTACK! DON'T BE FOOLED BY HIS CLEVER TRICKS! THEIR ACTIONS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN BEYOND OUR COMPREHENSION. IT MUST BE POSSIBLE FOR THEM TO BLEND IN WITH US AND IMITATE OUR FORM AND SPEECH. WE CAN'T ALLOW THEM TO DO AS THEY PLEASE ANY LONGER!" The leader shouted, overwhelmed by fear as he swung his arm out into the air. Soldiers, no matter which side they were previously on, pointed their guns and blades at Armin as they followed the command of the male who had lost all reason. Armin stood there, dropping his arms to his side as he watched the painting elder. Y/N paused, biting her lip as she contemplated whether to interfere or not. She inched towards the edge of the roof, ready to drop down into action to help the male, when Armin suddenly changed his approach and saluted the commander with all his might, soul, and being.

"I AM A SOLDIER THAT HAS LONG SINCE OFFERED HIS LIFE FOR THE REVIVAL OF MANKIND. TO DIE WHILE OBEYING THAT CONVICTION WOULD BE MY LIFE'S GREATEST GLORY. IF WE WERE TO USE EREN'S TITAN POWERS WITH OUR REMAINING FORCES, RECAPTURING THIS TOWN WOULD NO LONGER BE IMPOSSIBLE! FOR THE RISE OF HUMANITY, I SHALL ELABORATE ON HIS STRATEGIC WORTH WITH WHAT LITTLE TIME I HAVE LEFT!" The male yelled, conveying all his emotions into his words as he stood there, panting. His eyes were closed as everyone had stopped. It was like time had paused as well to listen to Armin's desperate and final plea. Y/N wasn't sure how to take his idea, though she couldn't deny that it was a brilliant one at that. As she glanced to the man with his body shackled in horror and had worn a grim look on his face, she gulped. Even though most soldiers down below were convinced that Eren had the possibility of taking back Trost because of Armin's clever yet on-the-spot plan, she knew that it may not be enough to convince the deluded senior.

She felt her body move out of instincts as she watched the commander raise his hand to order another cannon fire - Y/N saw the signal too many times to not know what he was commanding. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, i might just make a series for every season instead of having all the seasons on one piece of work. what would you guys prefer?


	23. Commander Pyxis

"Cut it out already." An authoritative yet bored voice suddenly intervened. Y/N, who was on the edge of the roof and ready to jump off at a moments notice, halted mid-flight at the sight of a new man appearing. The male was bald, had large wrinkles on his forehead, tired eyes and an impressive grey moustache growing out. He was slightly smaller than the other man who was about to order cannon fire, though it was obvious who held the most power. Y/N was slightly taken aback at the appearance of Commander Pyxis, who held all authority for the Garrison Regiment. She knew him, unlike the well known Erwin and Levi, because her brother never stopped talking about him in adoration. As Y/N grew up, she too idolised him and wanted to work under the older. Holding the male's wrist in front of the fearful man, the newcomer turned towards Armin, who was still in his salute with a fearful yet devoted expression. All noise had died down at the sight of the bald, elderly man and it was pin-drop silence. Even the confused group staring from the rooftop didn't make a sound. Soldiers in the square watched the male as he briefly studied Armin.

"C-commander Pyxis?" The inferior questioned, shocked at being held back. The male took a couple of steps away from the Commander, putting space between the two of them.

"Can't you see how magnificent his salute is?" Pyxis began as he slowly walked over towards the blond boy, his hands behind his back casually. His footsteps echoed as Y/N just watched, relieved that someone was willing to hear them out. Although she was scared of Eren, her sense of justice and friendship easily blocked that out. 

"I just arrived, but the situation has already been relayed to me." The commander leisurely said. Unlike the other feared soldiers that just watched, he approached Armin with an aura of calmness and was in a down-to-earth state.

"Gather the reinforcements," The elder male said, turning his head over back to the previous leader who was still in shock.

"The least we can do is hear these soldiers out," Pyxis concluded, glancing back at Armin who collapsed onto his knees with a relieved and worn-out smile on his face. With Pyxis' order, the soldiers below started to rush in all directions, gathering any remaining fighters. People started to converse with one another about the recent event, discussing their opinions and where they stood on the matter. Even the previous leader with the strange beard reluctantly followed Pyxis' command and dispersed from Trost square. Pyxis was left with a few other soldiers serving as backup. He strolled towards the three, with Mikasa and Eren finally revealed as the skeleton had finally dissipated on time. Y/N rubbed her temple, her heart still racing from the debate. Though it was over and Armin was given the chance to talk through his plan, Y/N was still on edge.

"Holy shit. I don't know what I just watched, but that was intense." Y/N laughed as she buried her face in her palms, shaking her head.

"Man, I really felt the heat from here." Bertholdt agreed, chuckling. Y/N looked over at the lanky male, in slight shock that Bertholdt was able to joke, but grinned all the same.

"But are we just going to ignore the fact that Eren could turn into a titan?" Annie suddenly cut in, looking at the three cadets conversing with Commander Pyxis in the distance. Her monotone voice rang through Y/N's ear, as she was as bland as ever. Those on the roof paused, not wanting to talk about the delicate matter that was Eren. Everyone had mixed feelings about it.

"Yeah, but I think that's the least of our worries. I mean, we still have that giant hole in the wall." Y/N replied, taking a couple of steps towards the three other cadets that turned their gazes to them. Each had a different look on their unique faces. Reiner looked as confused, Bertholdt was mildly relaxed with a hint of worry, and Annie was still indecipherable. Y/N brought her hand to her neck and unconsciously scratched at it. With her heart slowing down and her head finally cleared, she wasn't that worried about the whole situation. 

"I don't know. There's so much going on that I don't even want to think." Reiner joined in, sighing as he pinched his eyebrows slightly. Y/N nodded, completely understanding what he meant. She turned away and looked back at the wall, a flag waving up at 50m in the air.

"We should prob-" The girl was about to start when a voice shouting stopped her. "OI, WHAT ARE YOU LOT DOING? YOU GOT TO GET DOWN FROM THERE. THERE'S A MEETING AT THE NEAREST GATE AND COMMANDER PYXIS WANTS US TO ATTEND." A garrison soldier yelled from below the group. Y/N paused and turned back to where the event had just ended, ignoring the soldier below. There was no one present anymore. She was taken aback at the emptiness of the square. 

'That quickly?' She thought to herself, slightly weirded out by how fast Commander Pyxis was put to work.

She turned back to the group who looked exhausted.

"Well, let's get moving then," Annie said before turning on her heels and turning around. She swiftly ran to the other side of the roof and jumped off to the floor, Bertholdt following her closely. Y/N glanced at Reiner who seemed to be waiting for her. He nodded his head towards the other side of the roof.

"C'mon." He gently said as he started to jog. Y/N closed her eyes briefly, sighing with a small smile as she reopened her eyes again. The girl broke into a jog, running with Reiner as they were behind Annie and Bertholdt. She wasn't sure why there was already a meeting, but she had a strong feeling that it was about Eren and Armin's plan. With only the sounds of their footsteps hitting the dirt underneath them, the two ran in comfortable silence. They didn't need to talk to one another - there was no need to.

Soon enough, the two caught up with the other pair that had dashed ahead of them. They slowed down to a walk as Y/N looked around, soldiers swarming everywhere. With the very wide pavement that had connected to one of the few gates of Trost, soldiers from all different regiments had joined up and waited in front of the gate to see what the meeting was about. People were talking, the conversation topics ranging from all sorts of things. As the four cadets tried to weave around the crowd to try and get a good place, Y/N almost got separated from them. Panicking and worried that she would get left behind, she swiftly held onto Reiner's hand for ease.

As he wordlessly intertwined his long fingers with hers, he gently pulled Y/N along through the mass of people until they finally reached a place that all of them could see. They stopped in the centre of the sea of soldiers, their shoulders touching the ones beside them as the small group looked up at the wall. Y/N bit her lip as she tightly squeezed Reiner's warm hand, avoiding his gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the smaller chapter. im leaving for holiday in a day or so, so i tried to atleast submit a new chapter before i leave.


	24. The iron wall

The wind blew with ease, dancing across the large dirt path that was wide enough to easily fit at least 6 horse wagons. Soldiers of all different regiments flooded the dusted drive regardless of who they were. Everyone was whispering to one another, their eyes trained on top of the 50m wall in anticipation of the Commander. Y/N, her hand locked with Reiner's larger one, was impressed with the swiftness of the soldiers. She had not too long ago seen a measly eighth of the mass of uniforms summoned in Trost Square and so viewing the amount tenfold in such a short time amazed her. Her eyes glanced to the left of her, the profiles of her close comrades visible.

She wasn't able to see what type of expression they wore, though she wasn't necessarily interested. The girl gulped as she patiently waited for the authoritative figure to show up, but she doubted the tolerance of the others surrounding her. As a shoulder forcefully grazed past hers, the unrecognisable soldier pushing through the tide of the crowd, she knew that their patience was wearing thin.

"Oh my god, I just can't- Aren't there titans lurking nearby? What the hell are we supposed to do if there's another wave of the giant shits and we're all summoned here?" Y/N was able to hear Jean's pessimistic voice from behind her. She turned her head over her shoulder and briefly made eye contact with the boy who wasn't so far. He was with Sasha and Connie, who looked like they were about to throw up. Jean broke the tense gaze first as he turned back towards the comedic duo, completely ignoring the girl as he continued with his mini-rant.

Y/N frowned at his invisible wall and lack of acknowledgement but didn't press on. She made a mental note to talk to him after the whole situation was over. She turned back to Reiner, who swiftly looked away from the girl with embarrassment washing over him. The male was caught staring. A small, contagious like smile broke out onto Y/N's lips as she raised an eyebrow teasingly. The feelings of confusion with Jean had quickly washed away. With rare opportunities to tease the stone-faced male, she was excited to finally get back at him.

"Who would've thought that even the great Reiner was caught peeping?" She said in a hushed voice, not looking at the male as she bore her gaze into a stranger's back. Her smile soon evolved into a knowing and cunning smirk. Y/N didn't even need to look at Reiner's face to tell how he looked - it was obvious from his deafening silence. Though, an evasive thought soon came into her mind after a few moments. She didn't know where the two stood. Her smirk soon fell as she started to question their relationship and her feelings.

"ATTENTION!" A voice boomed from in front of the soldiers, the deep tone vibrating throughout the path and ringing inside the ears of many. It was so sudden that it made Y/N flinch, and the casual and flirtatious bubble that she was in popped. The very call made Y/N tense up as her whole body stiffened. Grabbing Reiner's sturdy hand even tighter and glancing up at the stone wall, she spotted a couple of faint figures. The soldier obviously knew who it was, but with the setting sun gleaming in her eye, she couldn't see past the shadows.

Y/N hoped that the sun wouldn't cast behind the wall for much longer and that it would soon fall out of the sky. If she was supposed to listen to a lecture that was being yelled out from 50m in the air, the least she could have was her vision - without the large ball of gas blinding her.

"I'M SURE THAT MANY OF YOU HAVE HEARD OF, OR ATLEAST SEEN, AN ABNORMAL-LIKE TITAN GOING AROUND THE GRAND CITY OF TROST AND KILLING IT'S OWN KIND," Pyxis bellowed, managing to reach out to his large audience even with his crazy distance. Y/N, further at the back of the group, was able to listen out to the old man easily. She was relieved that she didn't have to move to try and get a better spot.

As the seconds ticked away, so did Y/N's grip on Reiner. She slowly let go of the male's hand, his comforting and familiar heat already disappearing like quicksand. She had gotten more comfortable and relaxed with the tense situation that she didn't need him to lean on. Though she was slightly reluctant in letting go, she knew that for the sake of herself, she couldn't be relying on Reiner 24/7. He was like an addictive drug - and Y/N found it hard to put up her borders. The girl continued to stare at the wall. Digging her hands into her thin jean pockets, she ignored the curious gaze from the male.

"WITH FURTHER INSPECTION, WE HAVE NEWLY ACQUIRED INFORMATION ON THE MYSTERIOUS TITAN. APPEARING FROM IT'S NAPE WAS NONE OTHER THAN EREN JAEGER, A CADET IN THE 104TH. DEMONSTRATED IN FRONT OF MULTIPLE WITNESSES TWICE, HE IS ABLE TO TRANSFORM INTO A TITAN WITH EASE AND CONTROL IT LIKE IT'S HIS OWN. " Mumbles and cries of confusion occurred all at once at the sudden revelation.Y/N couldn't pick out any full sentence as voices just came out of nowhere. Many of them denied Pyxis' account as they brought 'facts' and myths they had learnt from prior training into the equation. Rightfully so, people were outraged.

"What kind of morons do they think we are?" A soldier in front of Y/N said in a disgusted tone.

"Oh my god, we're going to die!" Daz's familiar, cowardly voice yelled out, spooking some people beside him. Y/N hadn't liked him one bit due to his overwhelming fear and the comment had deepened her despise.

"This is total bullshit. They're just trying to string us along with their plan. It'll be the fall of us." A woman spat out from behind Y/N, earning grumbles of approval. Y/N felt uneasy with the growing mob of confused soldiers who were in disarray, though she wasn't quite sure at what Commander Pyxis was hinting at with the whole speech.

'He sure has guts. What's he aiming at? A mob of soldiers scared beyond their wits from finding out someone who was one of them could turn into a titan? Surely he would expect the general response, right?' Y/N had many questions, to which none were solved just yet.

It seemed like Pyxis had waited until the crowd had quieted down because he hadn't uttered a word after an acceptable silence had washed over those in the town. Those below him just watched him in fear, reluctant to hear what he was supposed to say next.

"YOU MAY BELIEVE IT, OR NOT, BUT THE FACT IS UNDENIABLE BY THE NUMBER OF WITNESSES THAT HAD SEEN HIM IN ACTION. WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I'LL EXPLAIN WHAT WILL HAPPEN," He swiftly changed subjects as he ignored all the panic eating away at the soldiers. With his fast speech, Y/N was having a hard time wrapping her head around his words and following the course.

"USING HIS NEWFOUND ABILITY, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE BACK THE GREAT CITY OF TROST. EREN, AFTER TRANSFORMING INTO HIS IMPRESSIVE 15M TITAN, WILL CARRY THE GIANT BOULDER IN THE CENTRE OF THE TOWN AND PLUG UP THE WALL, WHILST SOLDIERS DISTRACT THE REMAINING TITANS AND ACT AS BAIT. WITH THIS NEW PLAN, HUMANITY WILL FINALLY WIN AGAINST THE TITANS." Dot Pyxis explained. Unlike his last sudden blow of revelations, the section remained silent. Grey birds soaring above them were calling out in the air and the breeze that was once quiet became a roar until someone tipped over the boat of tension.

"He's sending us to our deaths. This is a suicide mission." Though the voice was quiet and more like a mumble to oneself, the very fact had finally settled in with the rest of the soldiers. People began to yell out in protest like popcorn, one after the other. The negative response was much larger than last time, which heightened Y/N's fear.

"You've got to stay calm, soldier! That's what you are, right? You protect humanity till the bitter end, and fight against our enemy! Fulfil your duty and follow what the Commander is saying!" Unlike Y/N's nervous state, Reiner was busy trying to persuade nearby soldiers to 'remain calm,' going to the extent of trying to hold them in place as they lashed about in panic. As much as he was a great influencer and orator, Y/N knew that his words were falling onto deaf ears as soldiers were too busy worrying about their upcoming deaths.

Y/N caught the gaze of Bertholdt and Annie, the two seemingly unnerved by the whole speech. They stood still, watching the chaos unfold around them. Part of Y/N envied their coolness and level-headedness, though she knew that that wasn't necessarily the case once she saw Bertholdt nervously fiddling with his hands. With his knowing eyes glancing around the place, it was obvious that he was feeling pretty uneasy himself.

A loud thump had quickly caught her attention to her right-hand side, where she turned and saw Reiner painfully grabbing his left eye, his large hand almost covering half his face. Her eyes widened in shock and disbelief at the glimpse of pain she saw on the male's face before he tilted his head away from her, almost like he didn't want her to see him.

Her eyes darted to the terrified soldier that was slightly smaller than the male behind him, their chests rising and falling quickly as their teeth were gritted. It was the same person that Reiner had tried to convince to play their part as a soldier. Their hands were clenched into fists and Y/N was able to put two-and-two together. Completely ignoring the soldier, she tended to Reiner first.

"Holy shit Reiner, are you okay?" Y/N called out, worrying about the male as he stared at the ground. Her voice was almost lost to the loud shouts around her, but it managed to drift to Reiner's ears safely. She gently placed her hand on his shoulder but he quickly brushed it away with ease, using his free hand. He didn't look back at the girl.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me." He said in his usual voice as he straightened up his posture and turned his back to Y/N. Though he tried to make it subtle, Y/N could tell that he was in the midst of building up another wall of protection. She was able to detect his distance, the same one that Jean had placed.

'Am I doing something wrong here?' She thought to herself as she took one last glance at Reiner before turning away. Y/N decided to give both of them some time alone. She knew that everyone was on edge with everything going on. The scared voices and yells that were somehow reduced to background noise returned suddenly as she remembered that she was amidst a crowd of very vulnerable yet highly trained soldiers. It was a deadly mix.

As she looked around, she realised that some soldiers were starting to angrily disperse and leave the speech early, already retreating. Some tried to stop them, insisting that they were disobeying orders and could be punished, but the majority watched and contemplated their choices. Even Y/N paused as she saw who seemed to be the 100th soldier leaving. Pyxis must've seen the sea of people starting to leave, as he added more gas to the fire.

"YOU'RE FREE TO LEAVE. GO - I'M NOT BLAMING YOU. BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE WILLING TO LET YOUR FAMILIES, FRIEND AND LOVED ONES WITNESS THE HORROR THAT IS THE TITANS. YOU WILL LOSE PEOPLE IF YOU DON'T FIGHT AGAINST THEM AND COWARD OUT. THEY WILL SEE THE NIGHTMARE YOU WITNESS DAILY IF THE TITANS GET PAST THIS CITY, Y'KNOW. ARE YOU READY FOR THEM TO SURRENDER TO DEATH?" The commander yelled out, silencing whatever ounce of protests there were left. Y/N knew that he had managed to finally speak to the soldiers as the pause rested over them and soldiers came back reluctantly.

Y/N heard quiet grumbles that talked about how people couldn't let their loved ones go through that hell - to which the girl agreed. She couldn't imagine being in her brother's place and having the threat of titans breaching the wall and killing family loom over him. Guilt suddenly weighed on her shoulders as brief memories of his pleas flooded her ears, though she was able to get out of the trance.

She was glad that, although Pyxis used a cruel and heart-wrenching way, the crowd had finally quietened. Apart from the occasional hopeless sob or two.

She took the opportunity to glance at Reiner beside her. The towering male was staring straight ahead like the ideal soldier should, and embraced his outcomes. He had finally let go of his left eye as his hands were behind his lower back, and Y/N saw the beginning of a nasty, purple bruise swell up around it. It gave him some sort of a panda eye, which heavily contrasted his soldier ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo. over 2k words! longest chapter yet. though i made up pyxis speech this time, i hope that you guys enjoy it nevertheless, and that this chapter made up for my 2 week hiatus! im trying to start to involve reiner's 'soldier/warrior' ways, so there's going to be drama coming up which involves that. i also need to double check this chapter because i wrote it on my phone, so there's bound to be mistakes. thanks for your support!


	25. Alpha Squad

Pyxis swiftly dismissed the shock-stricken and disbelieving soldiers, who slowly left the wide path that acted as their meeting point. Y/N glanced to Reiner. The male lingered behind slightly as Y/N started to make her way to the mission. She saw how he joined up with Annie and Bertholdt, the three of them whispering to one another. They took their time walking, almost oblivious to the scattered soldiers running around. Y/N bit her lip, hesitating, before turning away and walking ahead in some sort of huff. Deep down, she was confused as to why her chest was hurting though she just deemed it as her nerves for the upcoming battle.

'Focus, Y/N! Our lives are at stake here. Perhaps, if I do a good job here, then I'd be offered a place at the Garrison Regiment?' She thought to herself, her mood lighting up at the thought of being able to change her job. She hadn't even ventured beyond the walls yet like the usual scout, yet she already hated the Scouting Regiment. Within one battle she had ultimately lost her left arm, which she still had false hope for returning to normal, and had 3 near-death experiences. On top of it, she couldn't stand the sight of the small, grumpy man who claimed himself to be 'Humanity's strongest soldier.' If this was the reality of being a scout, then she didn't want any part of it.

As the crowd thinned and she was able to finally breathe, Y/N broke out into a small jog. Her hand clenched the base of her sword, ready to unleash the blade at a moments notice. As her boots ran through the dust, leaving faint footprints within the cloud of dirt, she started to reflect on all her choices that led her to this moment. There were many, many regrets, such as; being weak, having to be saved twice, meeting Reiner and many more, but she knew that this was the life of a soldier - a life that her great and brave brother had lived, for the two of them. A pang stabbed her heart, tearing it from inside as she started to have brief flashbacks of the titan that ate him. Y/N clenched her teeth, refusing to cry as her hatred for the titans resurfaced and bubbled inside of her. She knew that she would be taking all of her pre-existing anger out on the humanoid beasts that had ruined her, to the point where she was merely seen as food for them. Clutching her blade even tighter, her knuckles white, she passed few various alleyways as she sprinted down the path. She was between the rows of houses, most of the demolished from the titan's attack. Rubble was scattered across the dusty path as smoke was overhead of the town. The sky had cleared up as the roaring fires of before had been put out. She heard chattering and multiple footsteps behind her and saw the backs of fighters in front of her.

"Hey! You!" A sudden voice called out. Y/N frowned, her ears peaking at the sound of a man's voice. She turned her head out of curiosity and found a middle-aged male sprinting up, looking at her dead in the eye. He was wearing the uniform that Y/N would've worn if only she wasn't recruited by the Commander of the Survey Corps himself.

'If only.'

Y/N studied him briefly. He had hollow bones and dirty blond hair that wasn't quite a fringe. He wore a grimacing look. As she looked at him more, she had an itching thought in her head that she couldn't quite make out. A sense of familiarity had hit her like a brick as she finally recognised the male once he had closed the distance. He was someone in her squad which she had directed in an attempt to refill their gas and blades. Y/N slowed down her pace, confused as to why the senior was chasing after her. After a few moments, the male had finally reached her. She heard his heavy breathing as he looked like he was about to faint. She opened her mouth to say something, looking the male up and down, but the other quickly intervened.

"You- you have incredible leadership skills and are great with your ODM gear. I've seen you in battle. I want-no, need you in my team..." The male rambled on, completely going straight into things. He didn't waste any time in getting straight to the point - not even a simple 'hello' or introduction was uttered from his lips. Y/N was confused and felt overwhelmed. She had no idea what he was rambling about, nor what his point was, so she quickly cut him off which she developed as a habit.

"Sorry, I have no idea what you want me to do. Who are you? Team? What?" She fired questions at him as she tried to get a clear understanding of what the male was attempting to say. The soldier in front of her, who seemed as tall as Reiner and had some sort of tan, widened his eyes subtly before clearing his throat. He seemed embarrassed.

"I'm Ian. I have no time to explain what my team is and all that, but I'm in charge of protecting Eren during this whole...thing, along with a couple of other elite soldiers. I was allowed to recruit one other person, and I want your strength. I'm asking if you're able to help me with Eren." He simply said. Y/N was taken aback that she was personally recruited by a member of the 'elites.' She frowned slightly, not really understanding what he had meant by 'protecting Eren,' though she quickly contemplated the offer. 

'If I go through this, then maybe I would be able to fly through the ranks.' Y/N thought, sighing. She pinched her eyebrows together as she squeezed her eyes shut, before looking back at Ian. The girl was mentally exhausted with the battle.

"Fine. I have no idea what you want me to do, but I'll follow you." Y/N said. Being power-hungry, she wanted to try and show the world her skills that she couldn't when she was training as a cadet. She figured that she was probably guaranteed more safety with the elite team backing her up anyway, than if she was a decoy flailing above the starving titans. Ian sighed, relieved that she wasn't a hard soldier to negotiate with and that she was level-headed despite the madness of what's going around them. Y/N hadn't even noticed the worried and grief-stricken soldiers passing by them at various speeds, either alone or with a small group of people. Y/N glanced at the passing soldiers for a second and somehow made eye contact with Jean who was walking with the occupied Sasha and Connie like before.

'Wow. What a coincidence.' She sarcastically said, still bitter that he was ignoring her. She shrugged to herself before turning her attention to Ian who watched her. He seemed like he was in a rush, so she decided to get the mission done and out of the way.

"Are we going then?" She asked, staring at him in the eye. The male seemed slightly surprised as he raised his eyebrows but nodded. He pivoted his back to her, the patriotic roses of the Garrison regiment boldly boasting in front of her face. She looked at it with dead eyes, sour as she was reminded of her mistakes. Wordlessly, Ian immediately set off, leaving Y/N in the dust. Y/N sighed, rolling her eyes before following the male not too shortly behind.


	26. The warmth of his touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys. im so sorry for the inactivity. school started and ive been trying to catch up. im just so tired omg. again, i cannot apologise enough for my late updates!

The pair ran the upstream of the river of people, Y/N trailing after her superior who was leading the way. Y/N had no idea what was in store with the newly tasked mission, but she was prepared to fulfil it to the bitter end. She passed by soldiers who were all at their own pace. Most were rushing ahead to try and get the battle over and done with, and some were leisurely strolling towards the wall where they were needed. Y/N tsked, disgusted at the attitude of the care-free or fearful soldiers, though deep down she yearned to be part of them. With all that has happened to the wounded soldier, she was surprised at herself for not quitting midway. Though, she reckoned that it was her sense of responsibility and pride that stopped her from being a coward.

As she lost count of the dozens of fighters in uniform, flashes of brown or green passing by, she recognised the tall blond-haired boy that had stuck by her side since day 1 passing by her with his swords in his hands. He looked straight ahead, not even passing a glance at the girl. Besides Reiner was Bertholdt, looking oddly stoic, and Annie as miserable as always. She turned her head over her shoulder as she watched him run further and further away from her, her feet never halting once. As his figure shrunk into the distance, Y/N turned back to face the roses of the Garrison Regiment. A frown was cast upon her face as she sighed, a sour feeling in her mouth. She wasn't sure why she felt like her stomach was in knots when she saw Reiner without her, or why her heart began to hammer when he was nearby, though she knew one thing - she hated it. The warm, fuzzy feeling was grossing her out and made Y/N want to puke. She started to feel like she came down with an illness before she was dispatched into the latest fight.

Forcefully forgetting all about her problems, Y/N focused on the task at hand. It wasn't long until Ian's swift and sharp movements faltered, Y/N slowing down alongside him. She stood beside the male as she saw how he gazed up at the sky, his swords pointing down at the dirt. The soldier followed his eye line and saw yellow smoke. She didn't even need to question it as Ian solved her burning question.

"They've already set off, damn it," He looked at Y/N, a wary expression on his face.

"We've got to meet up with them at the giant boulder. That's where Eren's transforming." He said in a drained out tone, already seeming like he's trying to relax. Y/N raised an eyebrow at his statement but didn't press further on. Though she was scared of Eren's newfound ability, she had trust in her comrades. Perhaps a little too much. She nodded.

"Alright then - let's go save the day." She said, sighing before she used her ODM gear and grappled to the top of a standing home. Ian watched her soar gracefully across the air before following her.

As her feet made contact with the brick tiles, the sound of her heels clanking on them, she looked around. Her eyes already locked on to multiple titans drifting towards the wall like moths to a flame. Y/N felt her heart drop at the sight of the crowd of giants scraping their oversized grubby hands on the wall, clawing at it. She saw some soldiers already dangling up above them, just watching them. Y/N hoped that there weren't any casualties just yet. Her gaze soon dropped as she felt the male's presence behind her, hearing his heels crash onto the warm coloured tiles. She looked over her shoulder at him, the two making eye contact, before letting him run ahead. Y/N had no idea where the boulder was as she never came across it, so she was completely in the dark.

Wordlessly, Ian did set off again. Y/N followed like a dog, jumping from building to building. As they travelled further and further into the heart of Trost, she saw that there was a lot more damage than before, despite being fewer Titans. Most buildings had disintegrated to rubble, and stones from the gaping hole in the wall had occupied various homes. Y/N started to wonder whether what she was seeing was like what happened 5 years ago. 

Leaping through the air, the soft breeze flowing, she finally spotted the large rock that was kicked down by the Colossal titan - it was hard to miss. The piece of stone had left a trail of destruction before colliding with multiple homes. The soft, dirt ground now had a long crater from where the rock had met the ground. Y/N caught up with the superior, running side by side as her eyes widened slightly at the sight. 

"Oh, my-" She whispered to herself until Ian had interrupted her obliviously.

"RICO! WHERE'S EREN?" He yelled. Y/N winced at the sudden noise level, inching away from him but he didn't seem to notice. Y/N looked at him and saw that he was focused on something in the distance. She followed his gaze and saw a white-haired woman, wearing glasses and was relatively short. Beside her was a much taller man with a beard. It was obvious that he was muscular. The duo was standing on a roof a couple of buildings away from Ian and Y/N, watching them run towards the group. Both had their swords ready - for what, Y/N didn't know. The woman, presumably Rico, coldly stared from Y/N to Ian.

"AT THE BOULDER. HE HASN'T SHIFTED JU-" She yelled after a few moments whilst Ian and Y/N was jumped through the air. As soon as Rico had spoken, a sudden thunder-like bolt had appeared from beside Ian and Y/N, pinning down beside the boulder. Electric shocks were sparking as gusts of heavy wind blew Ian and Y/N out of the air. Small rocks had flown away with them, one scraping Y/N's face as she somersaulted in the air. She was pushed aside, flying into rubble nearby. As she crashed into it, her back making impact first, the sky was flashing yellow as a loud, thunderous noise clapped. It was like God had sent down the thunder from the sky, punishing those down below. As she slid down the rock slowly, she fell face-first to the ground, winded. She choked for air as she laid on the ground. Her arms laid out in front of her as turned her head, leaning on her bloodied and cut cheek. 

Y/N couldn't see much as everything was distorted, but she saw a long path with destroyed houses beside them. It reminded her of home.

"Home." She gasped out, her lungs struggling to breathe as her nerves were all over the place. She felt a faint aching pain from her back that had travelled across her whole body like it was a train of pain. Y/N's eyelids were fluttering, wanting to shut, but Y/N knew that she couldn't succumb to the darkness just yet. She had a mission to complete. Y/N knew that, yet she didn't get up no matter how much she wanted to. Her chest, emitting small shallow breathes, was slowly falling and rising. With her ears ringing and heart hunting, she didn't know what to focus on to not allow her to fall asleep.

"..." Y/N felt something vibrate through her eardrums, travelling through the ear canal and to her brain like it was some sort of important message.

"...up! Y/N!-" A soft voice called out, reaching out its hand for her to grab onto. Y/N stared at it, tilting her head as she questioned it. She was hesitant, her hand outstretched but ready to go back until she finally grabbed it, deciding to go with it. Her eyes flickered from the warmth of the hand to the face. It was blank. Though the canvas was empty, she had eagerly hoped that it was him. 

"Y/N!! GET UP!" Y/N's eyes fixated on the worried person beside her, his face scrunched up in worry. She saw blood trailing down from his bottom lip, swelling up a bit, though he didn't seem to worry about it. His hands were on the side of her torso as she helped her up. Ian scanned her for any visible injuries, but apart from her face, Y/N hadn't had any visible injuries. 

"Thank God, Y/N. You're okay." Ian whispered, looking at Y/N with worried eyes. Y/N blinked a couple of times, still struggling with breathing, but alive. She nodded.

"Yeah. I'm okay." She croaked out in a small voice. The girl didn't want to do any more harm to her lungs, so she didn't speak up. Ian watched her for a few moments, before standing up, pulling her up with him. Y/N got to her feet but her balance was a bit wobbly as she nearly fell back to the ground again. She felt like she was just resurrected from the dead as her body felt light. Ian looked to his right, all traces of the thunder and yellow flashes disappearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i really make y/n imagine reiner before returning back to reality? yes, yes i did. ((:


	27. Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

Her lungs prickled every time she breathed, which made her feel like she was trapped in a bush full of thorns. Y/N's eyes squinted as she bared the pain, reminding herself that she's been through much, much worse. She looked around as a sudden cold wave surrounded her. The soldier shivered like crazy as she glanced up, realising that she was in the shadow of a giant being. Her bloodshot eyes widened as she gasped, choking temporarily from the pain from her lungs. Long black and knotty locks of hair brushed up against the face of a defined being, the same being she saw at the first battle of Trost. It's green eyes, which reminded Y/N of precious jewels that felt like nothing but a myth, scanned the area. Only the titan's neck, head and some of its arm were seen as Eren was shielded with the buildings beside it. Y/N watched as he turned around, it's muscular shoulder blades on parade whilst he took giant footsteps away from her. The ground trembled at the impact, its vibration travelled to the souls of Y/N's feet.

"That's...Eren?" She whispered, not coming to grasp with the fact despite seeing him stuck to the carcass of the titan body before. 

"Crazy." Ian stuttered from beside the wounded soldier, taking a couple of steps forward. Y/N had forgotten that he was with her as she was too occupied marvelling Eren's titan form from beyond her.

She turned her head to the older who was gazing at the sky, before unleashing her blade that was shorter than before. Upon inspection, as she turned the handle in the midst of her palm, she realised how lighter it was. Y/N frowned slightly, wary with the sudden changes. Her left arm that was bandaged up had some sort of tingle running through it, which gave Y/N hope that she may be recovering. Her eyes glanced to her shoulder though she was careful not to say to herself that it would heal for sure.

Getting rid of the thoughts of her injury, Y/N tightened her grip on her blade handle with her index and middle fingers resting on the trigger. Without a second thought, she squeezed the trigger and immediately the grappling hooks fired out of the canisters and firmly placed itself onto the edge of the roof. With ease, she felt the solid ground disappear from beneath her as her hips were dragged forward. The distance between the ground and her increased as she flew through the air, swiftly reaching the roof where she placed her feet on the wall and jumped onto it. As her feet were firmly placed onto the structure, the grappling hooks son followed and retracted back into the silver canisters. Y/N dusted herself off with her right hand, her eyes on a specific - beige tile that was slowly rusting away with wear. Her chest wasn't paining her as much, though she knew that she had to go easy with it. As she adjusted to the sinking sunlight, she turned her attention beside her. Now that she had height, she could fully see Eren's titan form. Y/N watched, doubt spreading through her veins like a nasty virus. She didn't trust him at all, regardless of knowing him for years. With his ability, she would never remain at ease knowing that he could squash her if he felt like it.

The titan was near the giant boulder that was casually resting on the remains of a couple of houses, the size of it so great that it needed more space than she bargained for. Y/N stared at the giant as it bent down, almost studying it. It stayed like that until it fell back onto its bottom, shaking the buildings and Earth. Y/N temporarily lost balance but was still standing. 

"Woaaahh." She trailed off as the shaking came to a sudden stop. Her arms were outstretched, like a bird about to take flight. Once she regained her composure, she looked back at Eren who was still slouching on the ground. His back was turned to the buildings that Y/N was on, so she wasn't able to see much. 

"EREN!" A sudden screech came from the left of Y/N, her head immediately whipping around. Her eyes followed Mikasa gracefully flying through the air in the direction of Eren, disregarding everything else like usual. Y/N raised an eyebrow as she caught the concerned look on the girls face.  
'When did she get here?' She thought, shrugging it off before looking back at Eren's titan. She saw his elf ears twitch at his name. Y/N took a step forward, her eyebrows furrowing. As Mikasa got closer and closer to Eren, who began to twitch sporadically, she gasped and her instinct took over. Running like her life was in danger, she jumped off the roof, not even bothering to use her ODM gear as she lept for Mikasa. The other girl only noticed her when she grabbed her waist and tugged her down with her. 

"Y-?!" She yelled in confusion, looking at her as her hooks fell of the titan's body and they began to fall to Earth. Y/N's face was pressed to Mikasa's weight; her teeth clenched and her arms strongly holding her. She felt the wind shake violently as a woosh that was fast sped by her. Eren's hand jerked up in the direction where Mikasa was heading for, rocks and rubble flying at his strength. Dodging his careless attack, the two fell onto the dirt with Mikasa landing first and Y/N ontop of her. Mikasa grunted at the impact, yet Y/N landed on her chest, fine. 

The girl coughed, looking up at Y/N who was still hugging her tightly.

"You can let go now." She gritted her teeth as she forced Y/N off of her. The other frowned as she got to her feet, looking at her mud scarred knees and glancing at the bloody scar on the others rouge skin.

"Well that's a weird way for saying 'Thank you for saving my life.'" She retorted as she watched Mikasa clumsily get to her feet. The soldier glared at her as she retracted her swords out from beside her waist.

"I knew what I was doing-" Mikasa started, yet Y/N cut her off.

"No, you didn't. Don't even try and give me that bullshit. If you weren't so caught up with Eren and so obsessed with him, maybe you would finally realise the bigger picture. Pull that stick out of your ass, and go help the dying soldiers out there!!" Y/N yelled, pointing towards the wall. She was so fed up with Mikasa's bitchy attitude and how she only focused on one person whilst others were dying, that she snapped at her. Mikasa's eyes widened briefly before she tutted and returned back to the nearest roof. Y/N watched as she flew off before turning back to Eren who was still jerking and obviously not in control of his body. Y/N screamed, ignoring the pain from her chest as she cursed out Eren before flying back to the roof she was previously on.

The soldier, as she was pulled along with her hooks, saw Ian, Rico, Mitabi and Mikasa watching Eren as he started to randomly jerk his limbs out. Once she landed on the roof, Ian glanced at her with a puzzled look on his face.

"What happened out there?" He asked, looking between the two girls who had spent years of their life together. Y/N glanced at Mikasa who was staring in front, knowingly ignoring her gaze, and turned back to Ian.

"Oh, nothing. I told Mikasa to get herself together, that's all." She nonchalantly answered, kicking a piece of rock that so happened to be on the roof. Rico tsked, obviously in a bad mood.


	28. But Words Will Never Hurt Me

Y/N turned her attention to the giant who was having a hissy fit. She felt her heart stammer into her chest as it tried to claw it's way out. The soldier was furious. Furious that lives were endangered because of this giant and reckless plan, furious that not even the basics of Eren transforming could be achieved. Furious that all hope that had swelled in her chest was dying out. 

"Well, what are we going to do? Sit here and watch this...pathetic thing?" She mumbled to the others, not taking her gaze off of the twitching beast. She felt defeated as she watched Eren's finger jerk every so often. Silence suffocated the group as they all watched upon the sight. Y/N could feel their intensifying stares, her back burning up. 

"Get him out of there," Rico answered after a couple of moments, unable to bear with the lingering quiet for too long. Y/N's ears perked at the suggestion, as she slowly turned her head over her shoulder. The older's grey hair gently waved in the faint breeze, her glasses reflecting the faint sunlight as her light footsteps travelled towards the edge of the roof beside Y/N. Her metallic and grey eyes looked upon what was supposed to be the hope of humanity. Her words froze in the air before she elaborated. 

"This plan has failed. Let's put a stop to it while we can." She said in a bitter voice. Rico gulped as she gently rested her hands on her silver canisters, ready for the get-go. Y/N silently watched her, until she glanced back at Ian. As captain of the squad, the decision to disembark the plan rested on his shoulders. He looked conflicted; his hands were clenched into fists and his jaw tightened. He stayed silent as his eyes darted around the place. Although he was supposed to be the leader of the squad, Y/N felt like he was slightly too easy. He reminded her of a child choosing to follow his mother's orders, or disobey her. He reminded her of weakness. The male looked up from the warm roof tile below him and to the disinterested woman next to Y/N.

"No." He replied. Y/N's eyebrows raised at the determination that oozed out of the male's voice. Rico was shocked with the sudden disagreement, as her eyes widened and her head whipped back. She looked profound.

"What do you mean no? Eren has no control over this- this stupid ability. While we're here talking about it, people are dying out there Ian!" Rico argued, pointing her hand to the sulking beast that leaned on the giant rock behind it. Her voice became raised with every word that was uttered from her thin and rosy pink lips. Y/N couldn't argue against her point. She had never trusted Eren with his ability in the first place. Although, a strange feeling had slowly awakened from its temporary slumber from Ian's words; hope. With her stubbornness, Y/N always continued to push on, to live for the sake of herself and her deceased brother. With no aim in life, she dedicated herself to the grand scheme of things, for humanity. She figured that it was better to be in the action rather than just stand aside. However, she had always felt dull doing it. Y/N felt like she had no existence in life as the prey to the titans. But now, with all that had been revealed, a flicker turned into a spark, and hope soon appeared. She refused to let go of it again. She couldn't let go of it again for the sake of her sanity. 

Her eyes glanced between the two. Mikasa and Misabi took a couple of steps back to let the two breath, as their glares looked like they were ready to rip each other's throat. As the bringer of the topic, Y/N bit her lip before sighing and walking in the middle of the pair. She held her hands out in front of either person, turning her head to both of them.

"Easy you two," Y/N started, already fed up with the children's feud. She wanted a solution, not an argument. The soldier decided to start with the harder problem first- Rico. The rusty cogs inside her brain started to turn and churn as it tried to come up with a swift answer. Once she met the stern look of the woman's face, she immediately came to aa conclusion. One, which she had hoped, to satisfy the experienced soldier.

"How about, instead of getting him out straight away, we get him back to rationality? Try and steer him back to the mission? If he has still lost control by then, then we should give up. I think it's a bit too early to end the mission just yet," Y/N looked back at Ian at her last sentence. His face softened in gratitude as he appreciated the compromise, although he wasn't entirely happy with it. However, Rico wasn't too pleased. She stared at Y/N, her eyebrows rising as she tsked and looked away. The woman turned on her heel as she stomped away, her heels clanking on the tile as she made it known that she wasn't happy. Y/N watched her walk off wordlessly, the soft breeze dancing eloquently. A lightweight was added on Y/N's shoulder as Ian placed his cold hand onto the soldier's shoulder.

"Sorry for the sudden showdown, Y/N. It was immature of us, but I couldn't handle her ignorance," Ian told her. She lifted her head to look up at the taller male. With a faint and weary smile, the younger noticed that the male's skin had worn out due to time. Crease lines folded over each other in an unusual pattern as his face had random splotches of red. Y/N smiled a tired smile as she looked away from the male. He took his hand off of her shoulder gently as she strolled over to the edge of the roof. Unleashing one of her swords from her canisters she swiftly jumped and pressed the trigger. The wind resisted the free fall as it went against the current. Even though she had jumped many, many times, Y/N still loved the exhilarating feeling of falling. Grappling hooks flew out of her ODM gears whilst she fell the short drop, attaching to the steaming muscle of Eren's titan. As she watched the ground get closer and closer towards her, her body was pulled towards the sleepy titan before her. 


	29. A Wingless Bird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AWFJWFJA EPISODE 2 OF S4?!?!? IM SUCH A WARRIOR STAN AND MAJOR SIMP FOR REINER. i really need to recheck this whole story cause i know that there are so many mistakes. ;-;

The wind rushed against Y/N's face as it tried to stop her from proceeding any closer towards Eren's titan, which had temporarily halted it's sudden and dangerous twitches. As she got closer and closer towards the beast, she felt minuscule compared to it and the faint feelings of envy and disbelief swelled inside of her chest. Thoughts such as 'How did a brat like Eren posses such a power?' and 'Eren has this whole being that he can't grip just yet...' rushed around her mind, despite her attempts to stop the negative mindset from infesting the rest of her brain. Calmly, Y/N squeezed the trigger beside her blade handle and the grappling hooks ripped from the giant's fleshy arm, as Y/N securely placed her feet on Eren's large forearm upon landing; her hand wrapped around the greasy yet smooth black locks of Eren's titan form after she had swiftly sheathed her blade. Immediately, she felt defenceless without her weapon. She tightened her grip on the thick strand of his hair, wrapping it around her arm for safety in case of the large chance she would fall. The soldier took one giant step to the left of her as she shifted her weight to balance out the large distance between her feet, gazing upon the titan's side profile.

"Oh, how I do feel safe, staring at the face of a mutation." She mumbled underneath her breath, hoping that the titan's pointy ears didn't catch her remark. Y/N stared at the left eye of the giant, the latter looking straight ahead. It didn't even detect her presence, which worried Y/N slightly. As she briefly scanned its face, she sighed. The girl doubted that Eren would react to her screaming if he couldn't even feel her weight on his forearm. Y/N glanced at the metal ox that had her only weapon, desperately wishing that her left arm would get better so that she could multitask. Her eyes glanced back at the titan's very sharp jawline until she decided to stop wasting time. Y/N titled her head back, looking up at the top of Eren's head. The sky's shade of blue made it seem like it was almost crying, contrasting to its grey bleakness just earlier. 

"Ha, Eren, you're really giving me a tough time here. " She said to herself, though she hoped that he had heard her. Y/N brought her right foot to rejoin her left one as she began her tough climb onto Eren's head. To start, she stepped onto Eren's unusually long ear. The ear folded onto itself as it made room for both of Y/N's feet. The soldier's eyes widened as she was surprised at how soft and flexible the ear was. Shaking her head quickly, feeling stupid for making such discovery, she focused on the journey ahead. Studying the top of Eren's head again, she knew that she would have to make a huge jump to be able to swing herself up onto the crown of the titan. Y/N exhaled through her nostrils as she bent her legs in preparation for the jump, wanting to get it over and done with. Her hand softened its grip on the lock of hair she had been clutching for the past couple of minutes. 

"Sorry, not-!" Y/N yelled awkwardly as she pushed off of Eren's flimsy ear with as much force as she could muster, and delved deeper into the forest that was the titan's hair. Losing no time, she whipped her arm above her head and clenched the first part of its hair she could grab before feeling the sinking sensation that occurred inside of her stomach, moments before she was about to fall back to Earth. Y/N yelped as she felt her body sway with the wind. 

"Freaking hell, this is dangerous." She boomed. The light clumsily peered through limited amounts of strands of hair, shedding its brightness. The girl was thankful as she could barely see through the clumps of hair surrounding and entangling her. She bit her lip as she looked at what she thought was up.  
'Well, there's no use guessing. Let's do this.' Y/N thought, repeating it a couple of times to get her motivation back. Slowly, the soldier began to sway her hips along with the wind. It was awkward and clumsy at first, but soon, her legs and her feet followed until she got her rhythm and momentum going. One-handed, Y/N was fully swinging from side to side. She grinned as she felt some of the weight of Eren's curls disappear at her movement, although her relief was short-lived. The grease from the titan's hair loosened Y/N's grip and her hand began to slide down. Her eyes widened as she began to panic.

"FUCK IT!" Y/N screamed before letting go of Eren's hair as she reached the peak of her swing. At first, she saw nothing but darkness as her body flew through the air. All tension that had knotted itself within the soldier was immediately unravelled as she felt light. Then, she saw the sky and the clouds floating up ahead, the brightness forcing her to adjust her eyesight. A huge grin tugged on her lips as she continued to go higher and higher into the sky. She turned her head and saw the top of Eren's head, as well as his bare nape, below her. Then, houses and bits of broken rubble came into her eyesight, and suddenly, a rock landed in her stomach. A good distance in the air, she made the grave realisation that she had to come down eventually. She was so focused on actually getting into the air and taking in her view that she completely forgot that she was working against gravity. Gasping a chockful of air, Y/N swiftly got to work and grabbed her blades handle and unsheathed it once again. She felt her body go still, but only for a millisecond before her eyesight narrowed again, and her birdseye view disappeared. Her torso was roughly pulled back to the hands of gravity as the crown of the titan's head and back got nearer and closer. Clenching her teeth, she adjusted her blade downwards and held it above her head. Falling in a horizontal position, Y/N screamed out of adrenaline as her body flailed in the air. She braced for impact, digging her sword into the flesh of the titan below her as her figure soon collided after. The soldier landed on her left side as a sudden shock of agony electrified her left arm.

A heartbeat passed when she screamed in pain. Right away, she released her grip from her blade handle as she sat up, yelling her lungs off. Her throat soon began to pain, but not as much as her arm had experienced. Foolishly, she attempted to move it, but she was met with even more indescribable suffering. Her left arm twitched as her fingers began to claw out. Tears brimmed Y/N's eyes as her chest felt heavy from the amount of torment that coursed throughout her frame. She closed her eyes, sobbing, as she couldn't get over the wave of agony that washed over her entire being. Her throat was dried up from her yells and so she couldn't even utter a sob while crying. Y/N fell to her knees, her forehead on the soft titan's back as her right hand gently held her left arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> APOLOGIES, for the armin erasure. :((( i'll make sure that he gets his spotlight soon


	30. Chapter 30 Special; Christmas Edition <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i totally didnt put the most effort into this chapter special than i did with the actual book - nope.

"It seems like we came at a bad time, bubs." Reiner's soft yet mellow voice said from behind his dark blue scarf covering half of his face and neck. Y/N gave him a side glance before turning back to the sea of people surrounding them. She sighed and pursed her lips into a thin line, her warm breath bouncing off of her woolly red scarf and back into her face.

"We sure did." The woman grumpily muttered, her hands fidgeting inside her trench coat's pockets. The couple went up north from their little two-person home, to a popular town that was notorious for their Christmas lights, however, it seemed like other people had the same idea as well, as pavements were crammed with families, couples, friends and other people in the town for whatever reason. The pair usually visited every year like it was a tradition, and tonight was the busiest Y/N had ever seen the city. Across the long, windy roads that had towering and bustling shops either side, draped golden fairy lights that sparkled up the dark winter sky. They were twisted and held in various positions, such as reindeers, angels and other beings that related to the idea of Christmas. Although they were very pretty to look at and were the main attraction of the city, they got slightly boring to the woman after a couple of streets. Her spirits only dampened when busy people knocked into her accidentally and didn't even look back apologetically, as they rushed off against the current. As Y/N was never a "people person", she got agitated by the minute, her heart thumping inside of her chest. Meanwhile, Reiner must've caught on to her sour attitude as he wordlessly dug his left hand into the woman's right pocket, and intertwined his fingers with hers, clasping her hand. Their shoulders were glued together as they navigated their way down the pavement and past the crowds of people gawking up at the arches of light, Reiner's thumb gently caressing the back of Y/N's hand.

"No need to be so grumpy, love. We might as well make the most of it while we're here, hm?" Reiner suggested, his cool breath dancing in the sky as it escaped the grasp of his warm scarf. The sound of their footsteps synced with each other as the slowly walked at their own pace. Y/N tilted her head and stared at Reiner briefly. Though they had been dating for around 5 years, Y/N never got bored at staring at the ruggish face in front of her. She had stayed with him through university and after they had finished their education. Y/N knew almost everything about him, but he had always managed to surprise her, including how he always looked good. His light blond hair that was very short when she had first met him, turned into an undercut with some pieces of his hair covering his forehead. The male had also grown some stubble from a very quick declaration he had admitted months back - _'I'm going to spice things up a bit. It's never too late for a makeover!_

Y/N smiled, satisfied with where she was as she gave the male's strong, sturdy hand a quick squeeze.

"Sure. Why not?" She caved in - she was never able to say no to the handsome man gleaming at her. Reiner grinned, giving her a nod of confirmation as the pair continued walking past the shops that desperately tried to advertise their products. Y/N got as close as she could to her boyfriend, wanting all the warmth that he could radiate. He always managed to calm her down with his presence - He was as sturdy as a rock. As the two strolled down the path, Y/N spotted a red sign hanging proudly in front of a shop that had caught her interest. She slowed down as they passed the large window that was presenting bracelets, rings, necklaces and other precious items of the sort ontop of a white, cushioned sheet. Reiner, who was curious as to why they had slowed down, towered over Y/N and looked through the window, scanning the jewellery. His chest made contact with his girlfriend's head, who subconsciously relaxed it onto his upper body. She glanced across the fine selection, and out of nowhere, an idea popped into her head. The woman tipped her head back and made eye contact with the tall man looking down, some singular strands of his blond hair dangling.

"I'm going to get you a little something." Y/N proudly stated, a grin making its way below her rosy red cheeks. Reiner raised one of his thin eyebrows in amusement and curiosity.

"Oh, really? That's very bold of you." Reiner teased, whilst grinning his left hand reaching out to Y/N's cheeks and gently pinching them, cooing at her. The latter rolled her eyes in a playful matter.

"Am I a baby or something?" Y/N rhetorically asked, jokingly swatting Reiner's defined hand off of her face. Without missing a beat, the male teasingly answered;

"You're my baby." Immediately, blood rapidly made its way to Y/N cheeks, turning them into a dark crimson colour. Thankfully for her, the cold that had frosted them and tinted them a pink colour concealed her fluster. With her silence, Reiner chuckled at the woman's reaction. 

"Let's go in then, baby." He emphasised the last word, which resulted in a light-hearted smack from Y/N and a deep laugh from the male. 

'Seem's like I found a new nickname.' Reiner thought mischievously as the two entered the shop, the front window doors already opened to invite potential customers in. The warmth from overhead ventilators quickly warmed the cold couple up as the seasonal Christmas tune faintly played in the background. Fancy glass chandeliers hung overhead and further emphasised the wealth of the business. Y/N looked around upon entering, temporarily getting her eyes used to the sudden brightness.

"Right - meet here in 20?" Reiner questioned, turning his head to the woman. After a heartbeat, he gently let go of her hand and so his warmth soon followed. Y/N met his dark eyes and nodded. She tiptoed as much as she could with her black boots and gave the male a quick peck on his cheek.

"See ya." Y/N grinned, already missing the male as he turned around and started to stroll around the shop. As she watched the male, she began to do some shopping herself. Y/N immediately made a beeline to the bracelet section that was to the left of the entrance. Cabinets and cases that formed a horseshoe sort of shape, displayed some of the most expensive bracelets Y/N had ever seen. The plastic containers against the wall were no better in price as Y/N started to worry for her money.

"£250?! You must be kidding me." She whispered to herself as she laid eyes on a thick, silver bracelet that had diamonds encrusted on it. She skittishly looked around, hoping that no workers were nearby to see her penniless panic. After further inspection of some cabinets further down the little bracelet area that she was in, she spotted what seemed like the perfect one. As YN drew nearer and nearer towards it, she gasped at its perfection. The bracelet itself was simple - a silver coating of what she presumed to be a snake type of bracelet, with a little buckle joining it. Y/N assumed that Reiner wouldn't be into jewellery with hearts on it, so the buckle as a replacement seemed perfect for her. Anxiously, Y/N dropped her eyes to the little card in front of the bracelet and read the digits '175.' The woman chewed her bottom lip as she began to weigh the price. After a few moments, she gave up on the cons on the single thought of 'Reiner deserves it to be spent on him.'

Glancing up from the little square case, she spotted the nearest worker dressed in a formal, black mini skirt and white blouse. Y/N nervously walked up to them and politely asked them to grab the bracelet which she was drawn to. Without refusal, the worker did so and grabbed the white little box behind it and delicately placed the precious item into it. With a smile, she handed it to Y/N who thanked her multiple times. As she walked to the counter, she stared at the tiny box with a grin, her heart racing as she imagined the look on Reiner's face. After a couple of minutes, Y/N paid and went to the exit, where Reiner was patiently waiting. His hands were dug into his casual coat's pockets, and a plastic white bag with the logo of the store was hanging over. He leaned against the wall as he stared at Y/N coming over to him, and only straightened up when Y/N joined up with him.

"You ready bubs?" Reiner asked, his scarf hanging loosely in front of his face. Y/N nodded, and wordlessly, the two left the store. Y/N looked at the people walking to and fro their destinations and furrowed her eyebrows in thought. The impatient woman wanted to give her gift to Reiner as soon as possible, but the area that the pair were located in, definitely didn't suit her standards. Once she thought of the ideal place to go, she excitedly faced Reiner, who glanced at her in confusion.

"Come on! I just know where we should go!" Y/N exclaimed in a quiet sort of voice as she grabbed Reiner's freehand from one of his pockets and dragged him along with her. Her pace was swift and forced Reiner to catch up with her; the last thing he wanted was to lose her in the horde of passerby's. Y/N navigated through the individuals with some difficulty, though she refused to be stopped during her walk of determination. As soon as she reached the street corner, Reiner, who's scarf had dropped below his face, started to question the whole situation. Y/N's only response was "Patience." She looked around, the area less dense than before, and spotted the all too familiar trees ahead of her. Looking both ways, she crossed the road in front of her at a slower pace than before, yet with greater strides. As perplexed as he was, Reiner walked by her side and just allowed himself to go with the flow. Once Y/N had reached the green space with the trees that she had spotted previously, the bench that she was searching for soon came into view. She glanced at Reiner, a shy smile on her face as she strolled towards it. The sounds of the humming of lights and crickets in the grass soothed her nerves. The bench, that Y/N had confessed to Reiner at years prior, had a tall street light that illuminated the oak furniture and the greenery was desolate. Y/N sat down on one side of the seat, and Reiner comfortably sat beside her. Y/N turned to him, almost nervous. It was Reiner who was the better talker, and the one who was much flirtier. Squeezing the tiny box in her hand, she gathered the courage to give the gift.

"So, as I said earlier, I bought you a little something. It's not that special, but I just thought it would be perfect for you. Considering I don't give you many things, I hope that you like it." Y/N rambled on, looking everywhere but at Reiner. The latter grinned, savouring the moment as he adoringly stared at his future wife. Y/N finally looked at the male, and all her worries melted away like butter. She remembered why she loved him - because he was, Reiner. The most patient, loving and understanding man that she had ever met. With all his flaws and problems that came with him, she loved him for everything he was. Shyly, Y/N pulled out the white little box from her pocket and raised it towards the male, relaxing her fingers. Reiner dropped his gaze from Y/N to the box that she had held out, and gently took it from her grasp. He carefully let go of the plastic bag that contained his gift for her as he opened the lid. Cushioned with some black packaging was the silver bracelet that Y/N handpicked herself. The silence made Y/N slightly tense as she wearily watched Reiner stare at her gift. After a few moments of quiet, Reiner cracked a small smile as he pulled it out of its box and placed the package on the bench. He studied the silver bracelet as he turned it in his palm and chuckled to himself. Y/N raised an eyebrow, unsure of the reaction that Reiner had displayed. Usually, he was a blunt man, but his subtleness and lack of words edged Y/N on.

Without wasting a further second, Reiner grabbed the bracelet with his fingers and slid it over his right fist, where it comfortably found its way to his wrist. He stared at it as he held his wrist up to his eye level. The bracelet was, miraculously, a perfect fit. It reassured the male that it wouldn't suddenly fall off or go missing. 

"Well?" Y/N asked, unable to cope with the silence. Reiner looked back at Y/N and placed his right hand, with the bracelet under it, on her cheek. The warmth of his hand comforted Y/N as she leaned into it. Reiner edged towards her and placed a long and lasting kiss at the centre of her forehead. Though the intimate exchange was little, Y/N still became flustered by the gesture. She had much rather preferred little kisses than anything steamier. After pulling away, Reiner placed gently placed his forehead on Y/N's so that she had nowhere else to look by at his eyes.

"It's perfect. It reminds me of you, so every time I look at it, it brings butterflies. I love it- I love you." Reiner smoothly told her in a small voice. The proximity of the pair made Y/N feel like they were the last two beings on Earth, which she wouldn't have minded. Y/N blushed, loving the way Reiner was easily able to intoxicate her with three simple words. She heard her heart thump in her ears as she stared into Reiner's gentle soul.

"I also got you a little something." Reiner calmly spoke after a few moments. From beside his thigh, he grabbed the plastic bag and dug for the similar whit box he had purchased at the store, breaking the spell that Y/N was in. She watched as he revealed the same box and showed it to her, however, he didn't give it to her. Instead, he opened it up himself, the contents hidden by the lid blocking her view. Y/N began to get excited as she anticipated all the possibilities that were going to be inside the box.

"Y/N S/N. I'm going to make this short but sweet," Reiner started, looking at Y/N who held his gaze.

"You are the woman I've loved for as long as I can remember - that's a given. This may sound cliche, but I can't go a single day without thinking of you. Everything you do just makes me fall further and further for you. Even after almost burning our house down after your attempt at pancakes-" Y/N snorted at that, giggling as she remembered the memory.

"And even after our many, many fights. I'm so deeply in love with you that it's even beginning to scare me," Reiner chuckled, shaking his head softly. He looked back at Y/N and grinned.

"So, Y/N. Would you do the honours, and..." The male trailed off. Y/N stared at him. Midway through his rant, she already suspected where this was going, but still wasn't ready for when she saw the most beautiful ring inside the case, that Reiner had shown her. Her jaw dropped as she immediately covered her mouth. She backed away quickly, shocked that this was happening. Tears started to brim in her eyes as she looked at the ring, back to Reiner, who had a hopeful look on his face. She saw how nervous he was through his expressive eyebrows, but Y/N couldn't mutter an answer. The woman brought her knees to her chest and placed her feet on the bench in complete surprise. Her hands were trembling, from what, Y/N didn't know. As she dropped her hands to her knees, her eyes as wider as saucers, she finally gave the answer to the proposal.

_____

:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> currently simping lol. im going to make the jewellery important in the actual book, so keep an eye out for it !! aH and please don't cringe at the nicknames LMAOIDOKDOWK i had no other nicknames i could think of, and 'babe' is too generic. aHHAJHJAH
> 
> i hope that u guys liked the ending. >:)


	31. The Outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i was motivated to write this because the ff reached tiktok (yayyy!! :)) ) but uh everything got deleted. so ofc, i was mad cause i wrote a lot and was happy with it. sorry guys. but heY i updated lol.
> 
> i still gotta finish editing- yikes
> 
> ps does anyone here play animal crossing new horizons? :000 cuz i need some friends to play with lMAO

Her booming sobs soon turned into faint whimpers as the prickling, agonising sensation coursing through her left arm staggered. The pain wasn't as intense as when she first crash-landed, but it still stung like a bitch. With the white noise suffocating her mind, Y/N felt like her body had just been shattered a million times. Y/N tried to ride the wave of misery with the hope that it would end soon, though she felt like it would never end. At times of despair, she usually caught herself playing with the idea of why she was still pushing on. Still living and breathing. The pain usually served as a reminder of her mortality, slapping her with the fact that there was more to live for. And deep down, she was grateful for it. But not now. Not with the ferocious burning swelling inside of her arm. She was so mentally and emotionally exhausted that she began to get fed up with her powerlessness. Gritting her teeth, she sharply inhaled through her nose as she straightened up her back, carelessly swinging her head back to the sky. The grey colouring stared back at her, reflecting her mood. Y/N was tired.

"Fuck man." She whispered, not taking her eyes off of the large clouds floating overhead. An urge to laugh bubbled inside of her. It usually came at inappropriate times like ones of self-pity. Her face, blotched and stained with the remains of tears, tried to crack a smile but to no avail. Her muscles were as exhausted as her and refused the simple request. The soldier sighed, slowly blinking. She knew that she couldn't afford the time to dwell, as she was on the back of an unstable titan that was bound to buck her off at any moment, but the matter of urgency and danger didn't push her to collect her thoughts any faster. It just forced her to glance at her sword, a metre away, firmly wedged into the muscle of the titan. Y/N sighed, almost reluctant to carry on the mission that had so many lives on the line. Begrudgingly, Y/N slid one foot from beneath and stuck it onto the back below her, immediately shifting her weight with a groan. As she stood up, her left hand uncontrollably clawed at the air, Y/N's fingers sporadically jolting like electricity. Though the girl didn't feel it, the movements were wide enough for them to catch Y/N's attention. She glanced at it, her gaze lingering on the twitching fingers before she looked away. It didn't cause a sense of fear or worry enough for her to panic about it - she was just relieved that they were moving. Her eyes settled on the blade that stared at her expectantly, instead. Halfheartedly, she ambled across towards the weapon, the last of her tears fogging up her eyesight slightly. Y/N blinked a couple of times in an attempt to get rid of them but to no use. They stubbornly glassed up her eyes.

As she reached the blade, she held her hand out and carefully wrapped her fingers upon the grey handle of it. With a heartbeat escaping, she effortlessly pulled it out of the cage of muscle. Her fixed look turned to the back of the monster's head, watching for some sort of reaction. Nothing happened. She deeply exhaled, relieved that she was able to see another day so far. Twisting the blade in her hands, she examined the object and felt a great inkling of security. With a limb twitching every so often because of her sudden landing, a weapon easily soothed her concerns of both defence and offence. Pursing her lips, she took a couple of steps forward and toward the nape. She didn't feel scared nor nervous - rather that it was a chore. Eren made everything difficult with his new ability, and so Y/N was ready to get him to do something; anything other than sitting on his ass as soldiers wrung their necks for him. Her footsteps cleared her clouded mind as she focussed on the objective and only the objective. Not even the lingering sting in her left arm was able to distract her from whooping Eren.

"It's now or never, dude." Y/N huffed, her voice hoarse as her throat felt scratchy from earlier. Standing at the top of the male's nape, she stared below as she distanced her feet below her shoulders, her blade pointing towards the Earth.  
"1 meter down, 10 centimetres across." She whispered, her weapon slowly trailing the measurement as it scraped its skin. Her weapon stopped at the approximate estimation on where Eren would be, and so angeled itself diagonal from him. She couldn't risk slicing Eren just yet. Wasting no further time and with no remorse, she swiftly raised the blade with one hand into the sky and forcefully stabbed it into the titan's build. Its reaction was immediate as he lowly screeched, instantly moving his body in a frantic manner like it was trying to swat a fly. Y/N felt her feet get yanked from beneath her as she desperately clung onto her weapon, moving her left arm to grab the object as well. Her minuscule body flew with the titans waving as it swiftly moved from side to side. The motion caused an upward drift of wind as it went against Y/N's body. Her cheeks were forcefully pulled apart by the winds, revealing her bare gums and teeth that were gritted.

Y/N, gripping the slippery handle of her blade with as much pressure as she could, harshly yanked the butt of the sword towards her. This caused the titan to momentarily stop, which instantly gave Y/N the opening to sort the situation out. With her body dangling many feet in the air, she quickly tried to get a hold on Eren.

"OI! EREN! EREN?! WHAT HAPPENED HERE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Y/N yelled as loud as she could, lazily slamming her fist into the back of the titan's nape. The titan only roared in response and continued its sporadic and crazed movements, jolting left and right. Y/N yelped at the sudden jerks, slowly beginning to panic from his mindless reaction. As her feet aimlessly swayed with the draught, Y/N had no choice but to try and knock some sense into the boy.

"EREN! PEOPLE ARE DYING FOR YOU. FOR THIS. WEREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO EXPLORE THE OUTSIDE WORLD WITH ARMIN AND MIKASA?! FAR BEYOND THE WALLS, WHERE THERE WAS A LAND OF ICE AND A LAND OF BURNING WATER?" She called out, frowning slightly as she recalled the memories of the trio's dream. Though she never believed it herself, it was something to look out for, and the three of them heavily dreamed of it. They always looked ecstatic whenever they spoke about it, and although they rarely conversed about it upon recently, she knew that it had settled in their hearts. To see the outside world. Y/N's words made some sort of impact on the male, as his titan slowly stopped its sudden movements - it was almost like he was listening for Y/N. With the progress of calming the beast down, Y/N took the chance and pushed on further.

"DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THAT? ANSWER ME, GOD DAMN IT EREN! EVEN THOUGH YOU KNEW THAT HELL WAS WAITING OUTSIDE THE WALLS, AND THAT THERE WAS A SURE DEATH LURKING BEYOND THEM, WHY? WHY DID YOU EVER WANT TO SEE THE OUTSIDE WORLD? HUH, EREN?!" She bellowed, almost gasping for breath as she used everything she had in her body for her words. She had meant every bit of it and was determined to force Eren to hear her scolding. By the time she had finished her speech, the titan was fully still, even after. The only thing that Y/N could hear was her breathing as she stared at the nape in front of her. Seconds escaped within her grasp, and nothing happened. Until she saw the steam emerging from in front of Eren. It clouded and evaporated to the sky as Y/N's eyes widened as she followed it.

'Shit. It seems like my words got to him a bit too well!' She thought as the panic fully settled. Wasting no further time, Y/N quickly pulled her blade from the titan's frame and dropped back to Earth. She was more prepared than before, as she swiftly pressed the trigger on her blade and the grappling hooks shot out from the canisters in which they dwelled inside. Before she would splat onto the stone pavement, the ODM gear softened her fall and her feet safely touched the ground. Y/N was on time as well, as, on cue, Eren's titan roared out. It wasn't the animalistic screech from earlier, but something low and gravely. Y/N knew, that finally, Eren was in control.


	32. Blood Stained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies if this chapter is messy/ sloppy - i wrote it late at night to celebrate 4k hits and because i was in a good mood. ((:

Ecstatic with her success, the soldier took off in a swift sprint with her sword just dangling below her hip. She ran as fast as her legs could take her whilst her mind focused on getting away from the giant beast awakening behind. A call from the right of her dragged her attention from the soft rumbling vibrating beneath her, as she scantily turned her head.

"Y/N! GET A MOVE ON!" Mikasa yelled a concerned look heavily weighing down her prominent facial features, as she glanced from the titan heavily standing up to the tiny figure running for her life a couple of times. Her sword was drawn towards Eren, almost hesitant. She looked like she was about to make a run for it at any moment, yet the girl knew that wasn't the case. Mikasa was as cold as anyone, yet she wore a heart of gold - the friend wouldn't leave anyone behind. Y/N, although slightly taken aback by the girl's rare and sudden outburst, followed suit. Rapidly, she scanned her surroundings and made sure that it was completely clear before she harshly pressed the silver trigger, located on her blade's handle, which flung out and hooked itself onto a triangular roof in front of her, where Mikasa anxiously waited. Promptly, Y/N was tugged towards the area of safety, the wind giving her a sense of exhilaration as she flew across the air. Y/N made a smooth landing as her feet gracefully touched down onto the warm ceramics, her black equipment whizzing back into its metallic crate. Her chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm whilst she paused, catching her breath from her sprint. She hunched back ever so slightly over her knees, her eyes trained on the bricks below. Mikasa's swift and steady footsteps came closer to the soldier, as she closely watched her in anticipation. She tilted her head and her short, beautiful black hair which perfectly framed her face, loosely hung as she examined Y/N wordlessly.

Y/N flickered her eyes onto the warm, knowing gaze of her friend, and grinned. Worry that painted Mikasa's face, for who, Y/N didn't know, soon evaporated as Mikasa faintly smiled. Though, the small moment was ruined by an enraged, fury-filled roar which trembled both the air and the very building the duo was on. Y/N straightened out her back slowly, watching the 15-metre titan steadily heave the boulder that was as tall as it. The titan, which had it's back on the two girls curiously watching the scene, hoisted the weighty, bulky rock overhead with its two hands. It was as if the titan was carrying the world, as the boulder continually tried to weigh down on the titan, firmly pressing down on its head. However, the giant managed to control it at the very least. Y/N's mouth went agape as Eren grappled with the circular piece of Earth that threatened to crush him under its weight. His elbows were bent outwards and his neck was awkwardly bent to comfortably hold the boulder. With the giant's first, firm footstep that managed to shake Y/N's bones, the girl remembered the whole point of the mission. She quickly turned to meet Mikasa's metallic eyes, who briefly snapped out of the mesmerising hypnosis of the giant.

"Let's go help the bastard." Y/N huffed as she exchanged glances with Mikasa who nodded in turn. The absence of words fell into the atmosphere as Y/N punctually ran across the roof in the direction of the immense, gaping hole in the barrier that was the wall. Mikasa ran her up her heels, catching up to her instantly even with the sudden 1-second delay. Y/N's eyes couldn't settle on any one thing - whether it be her path, the waves of titans differing in heights and gruesome, grotesque appearance, or Eren unwaveringly stomping his way to the mighty hole in the wall with double his weight on his shoulders. Her jaw tightened at the stupendous crowds of titans attracted to Eren like bees to honey, as she gulped down her fear. Her sword, still in her clutch, rose as she spotted her first target. A medium-sized giant that was right beside her, followed by a couple of shorter titans. They took no notice in the duo just above as they mindlessly trampled in Eren's direction. Her left arm, that still shuddered and twitched involuntarily, grabbed the sword rusting away in its holder by her left hip. She sighed, reluctant to use the arm that she had only found out was able to function moments ago, though she moderately raised it.

Within a blink of an eye, Y/N leapt off the roof with a great feeling of zero gravity. Automatically, her hooks connected to the nape of the titan, ripping a bit of its flesh. With speed, Y/N glided across the air, and as she whipped past the nape of the giant, she used both blades and sliced two, thin lines that instantaneously had blood rush out and splatter the soldier. An animalistic groan left the titan's lips as it slowly collapsed face forward, faint steam rushing from the back of its neck. Clouds of dust accompanied the grumble of the ground as it peacefully landed. It didn't fight back, nor was difficult to handle, which greatly pleased Y/N as she casually dropped to the stone floor; warm sticky blood that stained her similarily to years ago slowly evaporated. As Y/N carelessly took a closer inspection of the velvet red substance, she frowned at her uncleanliness. The collapse of the two other baby titans backing the larger giant shook the ground behind her as Mikasa landed at the back of a giant's head. The duo exchanged confident glances before Y/N watched Mikasa exert her gas and fly off closer towards Eren.

Y/N figured to do the same as she got off from the danger zone, which was the ground, and was dragged by her ODM gear to the rooftops once again. Immediately, she spotted more titans closing in on the taller beast in different lanes. The girl sighed, already feeling exhausted with the workload, although she faithfully jumped off the roof like always and started to slay the giants. One, two. A third and a fourth. Titans collapsed onto the ground one after another, their carcasses rotting almost immediately. By the end of her slaughtering streak, Y/N was drenched head to toe in the blood of her prey. It was a hot substance that was stubborn to leave, but it usually disappeared into the atmosphere after a while in the form of a gas. Panting, Y/N sat down on the rooftop cross-legged and lazily watched as Eren nearly made it to the colossal wall. She no longer held her weaponry, as her calloused hands were in no condition to work - and so, they patiently laid either side of her. The nearby enemies to Eren vanquished by her rath, and so there were no longer threats behind the male. Her job was done. Y/N, despite knowing that Mikasa and presumably other soldiers were still fighting on the front lines, proceeded to relax as she got her breathing to calm down. She didn't know if any of the Alpha Squad was still alive - nor did she really care. Y/N was just...tired. Too tired to continue with her thinking and beliefs. All she wanted to do was to lay down within the chaos and let it consume her, but she was too preoccupied with observing the 15m titan that threw the boulder into the wall's puncture, pushing it as far as it could go within the wall. A mellow silence washed over the whole city which Y/N quickly noticed. The murky fog of dust and other gases formed from the weight of the boulder concealed her view, though, as Y/N could no longer see what was happening just ahead of her.

An airy laugh escaped her lips as she fell onto her back, her wrist gently laying on her sweaty forehead. 

"Woohoo! We won..." Y/N trailed off, mumbling to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUICK QUESTION(S) - i would like to write for the whole of the plot (so up to s4) but I'm already at approx 60k words and around halfway through s1, so it's going to be very, very long. like super novel-y long. would anyone read it? because if no one will read it, i might aswell cut it short. o-o 
> 
> p.s don't expect a happy end lolol. this isn't going to end well :)) just a heads up.


	33. From The Sidelines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i hope this chap isn't too rushed - i wrote it in between lessons lol. had to rewrite it a couple of times, as because i am currently updating, the relationship between reiner and y/n may also differ. i didn't want to add any confusion, so i just avoided him for the time being. i just wanted to say a quick thank you for all your feedback!! i will most likely continue the story, so thank you much for that!

Hours flew by after the success of Eren plugging up the gaping hole in the wall with his titan ability, and the day seemed to have droned on. The streets of Trost were blood-filled with the mangled corpses of those who died dedicating their hearts to humanity, or those who were simply caught up in the mess. Members of the Garrison regiment were forced to do a headcount of the deaths. 38 demises, and over 60 casualties. Medics were thin as they tried to attend to as many people as they could, but there were just too many.

A rich, dark blue colour overcame the sky as faint starlight dimly lit the atmosphere, something that had rarely occurred. Thick, grey smoke wafted in the air as the roaring fire flickered, forcing ebony shadows to dance on the dirt ground. Y/N watched as the fire ashes flew in the air, softly wafting before pathetically dimming. The Cadets, only summoned together an hour previously, were forced to watch the burning of the corpses that had fallen to the gruelling hands of the titans. The silhouettes of the bodies that were carelessly tossed into the fireplace were visible at the foundation of the great fire, Y/N miserably watching. She had never felt more alone as she sat down on a wooden bench that had decayed over time, gazing at the numerous carcasses. Apparently, the funeral was common within the military, especially for the Scouts if they had managed to bring the bodies back. It was almost like a tradition - 'a way to send those who had passed, off.' She wasn't sure who she was staring at - whether she had personally led them to their demise with her suicide mission, or if she had ever known them. The girl knew one thing though; she was sick to the very core.

The cold from the silent night sent shivers down her arms, goosebumps appearing which contradicted the heat of the fire. She heard the cries and sobs of the other soldiers surrounding the funeral as they attempted to weakly comfort each other. Y/N didn't look around at the twisted faces of her comrades suffering - she couldn't bear to, and so instead, trained her eyes on the fire. The girl, traumatised, remained still, regretting most of her choices as she reflected on her short-lived time being a Scout. Y/N wasn't sure if she could deal with this on the daily basis. Hearing people mourn for their comrades, friends, loved ones heavily dampened her spirits. Going out beyond the walls is frightening enough, but the consequences could perhaps be worse. 

Y/N crossed her arms, cold, whilst her eyes were transfixed on the bright, sunset orange and dandelion yellow swirling into the night sky. Moments passed before a hand gripped her shoulder out of the blue. The sudden grip shocked Y/N, making her whip her head around and up, her eyes widening subtly. The soldier met the stone-cold eyes of Jean, who had previously ignored her before they had separated for the second mission of the Battle of Trost. The colour was washed out of his face as he almost looked sickly, his dark eyes further emphasising his manner of distress. Examining the boy whose grip was rock solid, she opened her mouth to say his name, confused, until he blatantly interrupted her.

"He's dead. Marco's dead." He broke out in no less of a whisper, his eyes slowly leaving Y/N's gaze and turning to the fire, where Marco's body was trapped. The sudden information made Y/N freeze.

"Mar...co?" She whispered, her gaze dropping down to Jean's feet, her blood running cold. Whatever she felt before had worsened by ten times. She couldn't move - no, breathe, even. Marco, the boy who had dreams of serving under the King. Marco, the boy who had helped Jean and Y/N with their training, the one who had helped them reclaim the main base, was dead. Seconds felt like hours, time ticking away with the uncomfortable silence crushing the pair. She knew that Marco was even closer to the male, with the stories that Jean told to Y/N of Marco, and how fondly he spoke of him. Y/N's hand trembled as she raised it and clasped onto the arm that held her shoulder. The girl didn't know how to react - she was just in shock.

"How?" She asked, clawing at the arm, almost begging for answers out of the grief-stricken male. Jean just shook his head, his hand tightening its grip on her shoulder as he remained silent for a few moments.

"Titan. Half-eaten." He simply said, before turning his head away, his teeth gritting as his jaw hardened. The male desperately tried to resist his sniffle and sobs, but the tears just brimmed his eyes and the gulp made his throat sore, and he just let everything down. Swiftly, he crouched to the dirt, his hands covering his face as he wailed into his palms. Y/N just stared at Jean, not knowing what to do. Even though she had wished to comfort him, she was in no position - she still had to wrap her head around the fact that Marco would never return herself. She heard his muffled sobs as the male cried into his hands, mourning for the loss of a close friend. All Y/N could do was to stand by and watch. Stare. Yet do nothing - for she couldn't. And that was the curse of being a soldier; especially one in the Scouts, where death is inevitable. Though, Marco didn't even graduate yet. He was simply a boy in training with dreams as high as the sky, whose time had come too fast.

As the sky darkened even more so, the funeral had reached its end; the fire dying from the lack of bodies to be burnt. People had stood up and slowly left, lingering as they gazed upon the ashes of lives that had come to an end. Y/N got off of her bench, Jean leaving long ago to cry in peace. The soldier felt numb - empty, almost. Lives had been lost to the titans, yet what could they show for it? Ashes? It almost enraged Y/N at how easily dispensible the soldiers were made out to be. Fighting to end up in the stomachs of the prey, or burnt. It was all the same to Y/N - just suffering.

"Oi, Cadet. " The harsh sneer of a voice yanked Y/N out of her reflection, as Y/N immediately spotted Levi walking towards her.

'Great, what an end to the day,' she thought, simply looking at the shorter male. His hands were loosely by his side and he had his never-changing stern face that made him look younger. 

"Come with me. I got to show you to your barracks." He ordered as he joined up with the younger. With all the death and misery that Y/N had seen in the last day, she completely forgot that she promoted to a Scout. The girl raised an eyebrow, exhausted, yet still able to challenge her superiors.

"Now? But I haven't even said goodbye yet?" Y/N said, almost in disbelief. She had just fought in a battle, attended a funeral of sorts, and was now expected to leave her friends behind and move on to a regiment that can never guarantee safety - all within a matter of a day.

"I don't care."


End file.
